How Does Woman Respect Her BF She Broke and Used Who Now Begs For Her Attention?

[Mower Issa]

I have been in a "co-existance" with a sexy, sultry and emotionally independent woman for just over a year now. We started out as roommates, I began to help her clean up what i thought were overwhelming issues for her and started playing "head of Household" with her life. I gave money, cleaned house, cooked, did the errands, wrote business letters, bought computers, washed clothes and went to school and tried to be a step - parent to her two children. I was eager to have the company of a woman a LOT of men wanted and became comfortable with the lifestyle and addicted to the sex and her attention. Then I began to expect something more for all the effort I was putting in -- effort that was never asked for.

I became her slave, her soccor Mom, her computer nerd, her chef, her dishwasher, her laudrymat, and her sex toy. I spent all money on her, her children and what i thought would make a household. I got hooked. It was then that other men showed up, came over to the house to "visit" and I had to drive her daughter and our roommate away for a while.

I got her the job where she met a younger man (who had happened to be on America's Dumbest Criminals at one point) she began to see and have sex with. She brought him into the house, i paid him money for his laptop for HER. She cooked me dinner for the first time when he came over and I got a cold taco out of it. He laid in her bed, I came to the hosue to find doors locked and then him sitting strangely alone on the couch. She gave him her car and he would come back from his house and have to take me to the University and they would hang out all day. She spent Thanksgiving with him and brought me back a smashed turkey hogie from the gas station after leaving me with no car, no money, no cigarettes and the lie that she was with her "cousins".

I received a death threat from him that had come from the cell phone he had given her. She denied everything until my bitching and complaining and whining and weak desperate pleas forced her to shut me up and admit they had been having sex for four months. In our bedroom (we had agreed on a relationship before that), in the car, she brought him into my face and ignored me and cut his hair before mine. She made me dinner for only the second time the night she admitted it and I got a seak out of it that she left in the kitchen.

I felt my self-esteem, self-respect and confidence deflate and became violent and began to turn into the violent person I was raised by. I became paranoid, jealous, began to investigate her every move. Strange things began to happen. Numbers finger-painted on her car at the movie theater and then the cell number left responded to her and was disconnected the next day. Other males whom she knew came over and "manned-up" on me in front of her and she never said anything (not that they intimidated me), began to establish deep relationships with the very men that I had started trusting in with my cconcerns, never bothered to help with the house, sat in the bedroom on the bed and played on the internet. i helped her into school and I would become happy and then other circumstances would arise. She would leave for hours, take the car and go associate with the very men that we knew.

They would play tricks on me, rush me, she would demand certain things and then never use them. I would offer to make dinner, they agreed to eat and then when ready, no one was around. After shaving, she called from "somewhere" and asked me to clean - up my pubic hair from the sink as one of our "mutual" friends was coming over for my birthday that night. The bathroom was in her bedroom. Her bedroom was a slophouse of clutter that she created after I would clean it. The bathroom was dirty since I had not cleaned it in a few days and she asked me to clean up MY hair from the sink so that he might not see it if he used the bathroom in her bedroom. He never showed up and she arrived a hour or so later. No one came for my birthday. I picked up my hair though and cleaned the bathroom.

I got her daughter into a maternity house in another state and my GF left, taking her car but then driving to her mothers and riding with her mother. They passed bback by our area but I had no car to drive for a week and was stuck walking or taking the bus to the University. I am sure she gave the car to the Dumb Criminal she was boffing. She secretly was the pseudo-wife of a high-school friend who was in prison for murdering a pregnant 22 year-old store clerk and I woudl drive her to visit him, never knowing she had been "committed" to him. She forgot her ring one day she wore to see him. I began to question and feel used and regarded only for when I was needed. I became violent and hurt her a few times. I felt betrayed but stayed, demanding her attention and truths. I received half truths mixed with lies that she became defensive and bored with when I confronted her.

She told her friends about our fights and they never saw all the wonderful things I did for her, the efforts made and insults and abuse taken as I thought "this cannot be happening to me". "Am I that big of a loser and that desperate?"

She borrowed money from certain male friends -- one who only gave her a large amount because she told him she was no longer with me. The money was needed, however. She hung out with our "mutual" male friends without me, lying about when she did at times. I became obsessed with fixing computers as I dove into something to avoid my shame of feeling inadequate and overtaken by a number of other men. They only came to the house to see her and everyone knew that i was being used and they thought it was funny.

Her children began to command me and I became a butler to the cats. She said she was not seeing other men but they would call and she would race out of bed and rush to drive them somewhere. Although she did ot have a license it was not a problem . . . except when I asked her to drive me somewhere and she could not because she did not have a license. Only 30 seconds later did she receive a call from someone she had promised to drive somewhere and she left in a hurry. I had just wanted to go up the street.

Ok . . .I have rambled. So many other things have happened. But the point is . . . I began to crumble and became a bitch, whining and needy and emotionally demanding and offended and pouting but still cleaning house and cooking food. Her ring tone for me was "White and Nerdy" and for a mutual, trusted friend, "Booty Call" -- she has said with hard offense that she never slept with him but he was around ALOT, but for other reasons. She would smile and act as if we were a couple, living a life together but give away my stuff without asking if another guy thought it was his and right in front of me. I would ask for a haircut and it would be days until I got one but the other men who hung around got it usually the same day or next.

She wrote three ads for threesomes and orgies on Cl that I found out about and said it said it was because her Ex had pressured her and made her feel bad about not doing it for him when he had done it for her. ne of the ads included a 27 year-old I have yet to find out who but she never remembers anything and forgets easily so i never can get anything out of her. She is dragging me on a leech. She has never written an ad for threesome or kinky sex for us but she says she was "thinking about it". I wrote one and she wanted me to take it off because I used a shortened version of her real name. She used her full real first name in the other ads. She never mentioned my ad and has yet to. She will not admit that her Loser Maid adn House Bitch is not someone she wants to have kinky, group sex with. She says she does not want to "share me".

My shame of rejection hidden with thin words, confidence laughed at and torn down and a ruptured self-esteem that is always overshadowed by her feelings of defensiveness have sunk me mentally. I have lost weight, do not sleep, always want to "talk" about what I feel and know that she only pitys me and is bored and exasperated with my weak desperate pleas for her to confirm the places I know she has been and the truth of how she really sees me. I have no life. She is fantastic in bed, sexy body and a personality that commands me to do things for her even when she disregards and "tunes me out".

I feel worthless, less than a 39 year-old handsome, ex Bering Sea fisherman, used, ridiculed, manipulated, deceived, left out and humiliated as she made a harsh comment about an inability for me to perform the other night as I had had the flu for seven days and was nearly confined to the bed. I bitch about how she hardly wears the sexy clothes I buy her unless she feels obligated. I complain that she used my money to buy sexy shorts that she wont let me see (they are a surprise), leaves for her "mothers" for two days and returns saying they are too big and I never get to see them.

I have spent hours upon hours tracking her by Google lattitude and she will never confirm the places I saw she was at that she says she never went to. I drive there and she becomes irate. I still try to appeal to her sense of self, nearly begging her to listen to me and understand how low and little and soft I have become trying to win over the true desire and attraction of a woman who feels that telling me she loves me to shut me up and then ignoring me for nearly 20 hours while she plays on the internet is her way of expressing how she feels.

I have cried over my exposed "pussification" and her sighs only make it worse. I feel commanded to find any way to force her to truly want me and look at me with eyes that are not just ones of "emotional obligation". She goes to sleep when I start bitching and looks at me with disgust when I began to yell because I pick up after everyone else. I think I am a source of entertainment for them and she enjoys watching me suffer but becomes defensive and irritated and annoyed when I tell her that I sense that. I feel like a bitch and she is the Alpha Male. Where did I go wrong and how do I fix it? How do I make her truly want me like she wants other men, talk to me with that flirty, sexy 900 number - voice like she does to others? How do I get her to respect me for she has none for me and I do not blame her. How does a woman respect a man that she has broken and watched him become a loser, asking her for help?

I am haunted by failings and pitiful truths that have made me meek and bitter. Can anyone tell me what to do? i do ot care how harsh but I need a wake-up.

I am co-dependent on her if only to not walk away having been beaten by the joke that was always on me. She refuses to talk about this and then only after I rant for a hour about what she can do to help me through this dissolve of myself, does she stay silent for twenty minutes and then say "How can I help you?" I am speechless and need to know how to cope with being broken and used by a woman other men smirk with when I am around. Truth is . . . i have always been this needy but it was never exposed like this.

[staticline]

Mower Issa I feel for you, you sound totally broken. I gather from your post you're less looking for a way to fix the situation and more aware you need to get out and you're looking for a push in the right direction. Well here it is.. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!

I guess your girlfriend is either inherently narcissistic, or she just didn't care about you the way you wanted to be cared about at the same time circumstances forced her to lean on you (though she's still not going to win any world's best person awards). Either way you're not going to win, this is a lose-lose situation.

Don't feel badly about yourself for falling into this trap - plenty do. When we love somebody we all have a wish or even a need to see it reciprocated and we work hard towards those ends. In these times we're pretty vulnerable to exploitation - we rely on the goodwill of the other party to be straight with us where we're misguided. If that person is on the take they'll surely take plenty. You were kinda dumb to go after a girl on the basis that she'd be a trophie, rather than a genuinely good suitor, but I guess you know that and you've learned your lesson.

In the mean time you're stuck in this circular dynamic that is only depleting you of pride and emotional resources. Clearly the situation has deeply effected your self esteem, meaning that you are increasingly dependent on her approval and effection for a sense of self worth. This is not uncommon where one partner is self interested and uncaring. I guess you've put up with so much for so long it's by now hard to call any one point the breaking point. The only way to break the cycle is to just get out. Bite the bullet. It will hurt, no doubt, but there is no other way. Think of it as ripping off a plaster - you know it's only going to hurt more if you try to tease it slowly. Since she relies on you for a lot of things she might try to get you to come back by manupulating your feelings. Don't fall for it, just break all contact. She doesn't love you and she never will.

I suppose at least part of your difficulty in breaking away comes from the fear of admitting defeat, of facing up to the situation and a very bruised ego. Just try not to be so hard on yourself. You're only human, you loved someone and they only cared to use it to their gain. More fool them.

In moving forward you will see that you can be much more than this to a worthwhile person, rediscover yourself and your happiness.

I hope this is helful and I wish you the best of luck.

[survivor08]

Man I feel for you. You do need to get out of this toxic relationship and work on your issues. (we all have them.) I am reading 10 things that ruin a man's life by Dr Laura S. There is some good points to ponder about choosing the right mate, or why we don't.

You deserve better.