just kissing

[Marriana]

Ok, here is a question guys. I am afraid I know what the answer is....

I have met someone and not that it is my common practice, but under given circumstances, I spent a night with him after having seen him only a very few times (maybe 4). Now, I did it, because there was no more time to get to know each other and also because I really liked him. I mean REALLY. Now...I was suspicious he did not feel the same. But anyway. When we closed the door, I actually told him I was not there to have sex with him. I was there to spent time with him (after we already kissed a lot that evening). I was still the one who started all the touching again in his bed. He was a bit drunk, too. Now, he tried to take of my jeans, I still said no sex. Anything, just not sex. Then we fell asleep. Woke up, all again (jeans still on after his attempts to take them of). Woke up in the morning (he was not drunk anymore), again. Still telling him NO SEX. Only once during the day we actually kissed gently without him getting all over me. But then once more again taking my belt off still trying....

Ok. Now the question. Is it guys really so hard to keep back? I suppose everyone is different, too, but, honestly....is it too hard or was he really just trying to get sex? By the way. I was pretty honest with him and told him in the middle of the night, that I really liked him....he still was not very respectful (to my opinion) to my feelings and decision not to have sex. I told him I was not a girl for 1 night.

What do you think???

Thanks for your answers.

[maxmax]

There are some guys who still seem to think the 'no' means 'yes'.

How many times did you have to repeat yourself?

Being horny is not an excuse. If you said no, once, twice, and then three times, then that is not a good sign and he was clearly trying to push you into something you weren't comfortable with.

In my opinion it's a lack of respect and not something I would do to a girl, let alone a girl I really liked.

Sounds like a creep.

[Yet another guy]

Nothing wrong with persistency, but trying to take off her jeans when she's said 'no' isn't the proper approach. His morning behaviour was really creepy. He was Sober and you didn't give any signals.
As long as he wasn't forceful, seems like the case of horniness and frustration.

On the other hand you're sending very mixed signals.
Spending a night with him??? What a ****ing tease!
You even initiate touching in his bed. Now, I don't know how passionate your "roman hands" were but to me that seems like a silent 'yes'.

[Yarbles]

You obviously have no idea how strong the male desire for sex can be, and how it can override all other signals and cause the brain to switch off. What you did to him was horrible, and most men would say unbelievably cruel. Going home with him, getting into bed with him, and kissing him are all actions that would lead any reasonable man to believe he's going to have sex. More importantly, your actions were NOT CONGRUENT with your words "No, we're not going to have sex tonight." If you really, truly, deep down inside did not want to sleep with him, you should not have gone home with him. Period. Women seem to think that it's perfectly ok to toy with men's emotions and natural, instinctual desires in this way. The degree of anger that most guys feel from a situation like this is similar to how YOU might feel if you had a child with a man whom you truly loved, and then he suddenly left you for no reason.

It is because of situations like this that many guys believe that "no" actually means "yes" or "try harder." When you are leading a man on through your actions, you can expect him to be pretty pissed off. And you wonder why he's not respectful to you the next day?

[Marriana]

Thank you for your answers. I am not fully blaming him. I am trying to understand, that is why I am here asking, what I am asking.

I went home with him, because we only had 4 more days together (all working week days) and I simply wanted to spent as much time as I could with him. I could not resist not touching him but would never have sex as we do not know each other enough for that. Yes, girls are different. We do not feel the urge of having sex too much and I personally was the happiest just kissing. Which I understand might be frustrating for a guy and so that is why I asked all this.

Btw. to tell the story more in whole. He told me how much he liked me before we decided to head off to his place and it was like the barriers finally broke through. In the night, I told him, I did not want sex but that I truly truly liked him, which meant opening my hear to him. Now, I am excusing his persistence and then...I heard back from him three day later reminding me for his farewell party, where, when I arrived, he was already completely drunk, but not drunk enough to choose he was going to ignore me.

I am just trying to understand, what happened. As he might have been just trying to use me, but it also might have been a misunderstanding. All that because I really like him.If it was just 'anyone' I would not bother.

[Yet another guy]

Not being him, it's impossible to say. But it's possible that he was ignoring you because he was ashamed of his behaviour.
Or maybe he has just decided to put his dating efforts on someone with a higher sex drive.

[Yarbles]

He told me how much he liked me before we decided to head off to his place and it was like the barriers finally broke through... All that because I really like him.

The best way to show a man that you really like him is to sleep with him. Denying him sex is just going to piss him off. There is a misconception out there that men respect women who make them wait. Most men actually resent women who make them wait, despite mutual attraction. Especially in a situation where you've only got 4 more days to spend with him. Either cut it off completely, or sleep with him and enjoy a brief few days of passion. From what you said about him, I don't think he was trying to use you.

[surfhb]

The guy respected your decision in the end so leave it at that ....although I probably would have listened the first time Your behavior was out of line though. Why don't you want to have sex if you like him and he likes you? Silly girl!

Makng a guy wait doesn't make him respect you more. If you feel you need to wait to see if a guy is the one for you .... That's fine. But you both openedyour hearts to each other so why hold back at that point? You cause resentment once that happens

[Marriana]

haha, I have not slept with him, because having sex with someone I hardly know is just not an option for me, although I totally fell for him. might be a cultural thing....

[Yet another guy]

I couldn't imagine not wanting sex with someone I have feelings for.

[IncognitoSir]

NO SEX.......as you rub his chest and make out with him. NO SEX.............as ya'll get in bed together. NO SEX..........as ya'll make out on the couch and start groping each other. Yeah, that's pretty ****ing confusing.