What would you sacrifice for no confidence in a woman?

[LeHannes]

I have started to see a lot about "codependency" on these forums of late. I will have to read up on this concept.
I agree with you, why?
Though two thoughts enter my mind at this. Perhaps there is something in this girl that the other girls doesn't have.
And the other one is that perhaps all of this isn't apparent in the beginning, but found out about later. Perhaps it isn't so easy to just walk away at that point when feelings have erupted. If i can use that word. Weird word :S

Anyway, i am not myself TOO intrigued to go after someone who is not willing to take the same risks as i am. Like threadmaker just wrote, closing in on herself just to avoid getting hurt.
...I MIGHT do it, if she is giving her all to actually open up.
If both are working toward the same goal.

[jenniferx]

Thank you everyone for the responses.

Honestly, I would not go out with someone with these characteristics that I lack- and this is partly the cause for my low self-confidence: i realize that despite everything superficial and unimportant, i truly don't have much to offer. And I can fake it sometimes, and I can do an okay job at it... but it is SO exhausting. I don't think it should be this exhausting. AT some point a guy will soon realize that I'm just empty and can't be fun and exciting more often than not. The few meaningful relationships (not just boyfriends but friends and family members as well) I've had were not tiring, but rather the contrary. They felt like I finally knew who I was. Unfortunately, I think I've gone through a lot and can never return to a place where I am emotionally satisfying for the another person who is not my family.

I've been told by a couple people that I'm the most complicated person they know, probably a good thing for a shrink but not for attracting guys :/ ......I guess what do you do in this situation? Just keep faking it? I can't do that forever.

[Cerby]

Thank you everyone for the responses.

Honestly, I would not go out with someone with these characteristics that I lack- and this is partly the cause for my low self-confidence: i realize that despite everything superficial and unimportant, i truly don't have much to offer. And I can fake it sometimes, and I can do an okay job at it... but it is SO exhausting. I don't think it should be this exhausting. AT some point a guy will soon realize that I'm just empty and can't be fun and exciting more often than not. The few meaningful relationships (not just boyfriends but friends and family members as well) I've had were not tiring, but rather the contrary. They felt like I finally knew who I was. Unfortunately, I think I've gone through a lot and can never return to a place where I am emotionally satisfying for the another person who is not my family.

I've been told by a couple people that I'm the most complicated person they know, probably a good thing for a shrink but not for attracting guys :/ ......I guess what do you do in this situation? Just keep faking it? I can't do that forever.

You have you answer, speak to a shrink. You probably need some help organizing your head, because even you seem to think you're undesirable.

[Yet another guy]

Yeah, something tells me this isn't just about lack of confidence.

[jenniferx]

hmmmm what do you mean?

[Yet another guy]

Well, I don't have any confidence either but i don't have a problem with being affectionate. Quite the opposite; I love it and try to take the first opportunity to show it.
Which makes me think that there's something else going on.

[jenniferx]

Ah, I see what you're saying now. Well, I think part of it has to do with my personality. I don't come from a very affectionate family and have been reserved/ shy since I was little. I think maybe low self-confidence manifests itself in different ways in each individual; perhaps it inhibits us, though somewhat self-induced, from acting the way we want to. For me, that's showing affection, for someone else it is reserving themselves from the need of constant self-approval. To me, showing affection before I'm 100% comfortable with another person is like spilling my insides out and laying them down to be scrutinized...... not an ideal feeling for a private person like myself. Perhaps it is because I'm not comfortable with myself and my feelings......

As for seeing a therapist, I'm not closed to the idea. I've done it before for a few session but found it pretty unhelpful. But now that I'm older I think I could be more honest with the therapist and more aware of the problems I want fixed. It's just a matter of bringing myself to talk about issues to a stranger....not fun but I'm willing to try it. t