Is it Me or Her?

[adonis_boy]

I am having my first long-distance relationship and it is giving me hell of a time.

My gf went to her hometown to visit her family and friends. Of course, she has many guy friends that she considers close that I haven't met yet. I have several questions that run through my mind and I couldn't answer because of my subjective and destructive thoughts of jealousy and I beleive people here could help me with that.

1) She spends one of her days at a guy friend's house and they watch tv series/movies and do karaoke. This is what I usually do with my gf when we are at her or my place and I couldn't help being jealous and uncomfortable, seeing that she is doing these with another guy. Is it acceptable for her to do that?

2) Regarding her close friends living in her hometown, I have only met one of her female best friends in person and has seen another very close female friend in her photos. Since I am not introduced to other friends, including close guy friends, I can't stop feeling insecure and jealous of the guy friends she is spending time with. Should I have a right to ask her to tell me about these guys, how they met, etc. to make me feel more comfortable? Is it OK that she hasn't shown me their photos or hasn't mentioned them before she left? Am I right to think that she could tell me about these guys beforehand so that I am not drawn into these insecure feelings?

As a sidenote, she always tells me what she did that day and usually tells me that she misses me and loves me. Nevertheless, I can't avoid these thoughts eating my brains out.

[IncognitoSir]

I think it's kinda weird if she hasn't introduced you to her friends, but if her friends live far from you guys how could she? As far as the guys, you need to trust her until she gives you a reason not to. You sound pretty insecure so far. Communication is key, you can ask her about her friends, but don't focus on the guys, include them in ALL of her friends. She hasn't introduced you or talked about any of these people, then ask her about them. If she tries to skip over the guys/ not talk about them much......red flag.

[adonis_boy]

I sent her an e-mail, nicely asking her to introduce her close friends to me because that's what I do to her and expect her to do the same. To avoid any insecurities or controlling behaviour on my side, I made it clear that it is a beauty of a relationship to get to know about who my partner is seeing and how it makes me more content and happy. I just said even mentioning how they met and a little introduction on the phone when she tells me what she did that day should suffice.

[ladyofevilness]

We first off long distance relationships are the hardest, and saddly a large number of them fail because they require more attention than a normal one. I think what your feeling in normal, I questioned my past partners all the time in my head, but in reliety i was the one feeling insecure and i was putting that on them. I think you should talk to her about it in detail, but be careful that you dont make her feel like you dont trust her, because trust is a fragile thing in a long distance relationship.

[LeHannes]

Indeed!
I agree with Ladyofevilness, the worst thing for a partner is to not feel trusted at all. I was not trusted in my long-distance relationship. That really hurt a lot.
It even went so far as when she was going on a trip to Amsterdam and I joined up with here there, she accused me of being jealous. (Because i "seemed so interested in what she was doing during the days") Bah!
I think that could have been avoided with better communication (especially since i didn't get to know about this some weeks after we came home again), and trust.

So, what is essential is the communication i think. It all boils down to this. With good communication (hopefully) trust will follow.
Good luck!

[devonbrown]

You have to communicate with her. It sounds like she has good male and female friends. So it doesn't sound like a situation where she just craves attention. So that is good. I think that maybe she hasn't talked about her guy friends with you much because she knows that you are insecure and jealous and she doesn't want to upset you.
If she hasn't given you a reason to not trust her, then trust her. And think about where your insecurity and jealousy stems from in you. Work on that and you will wind up being much happier in everything long term.

Good luck.