Losing your loved one to death vs. being dumped...

[Wakeup]

No. Its called sympathy and empathy.

What you propose however is called patronizing. People know they are wrong. Know what they have to do. Sometimes they don't know *how* to do it. When they come and ask for help I will tell give them constructive feedback. But by no means I will try to force down their throat what *I* *think* is right. And even worst deliver it in a harsh way.

That's a mother child behavior in it's worst. I assume that everyone is adult and treat the as such.

I force nothing. For **** sakes... get over yourself. This is an open forum and if what I say is too strong for your sensibilities then ignore it.

[hurtsoul80]

And bottom line, for gods shake. The girl is going through a very difficult breakup. She now lost a relative. Her whole world is breaking apart. Only god knows how many feelings are trapped inside her.

Yet she has the courage to post her deepest fears, and thought here. She has the courage to so sympathy and support to others.

She doesn't need shit from anyone. All she needs is somebody to tell her that it's ok to feel how she feels. That it's fine that all those thought go through her mind and that thing *will* get better with time.

She needs to be told that other people would have to go to psychiatrists and start taking pills to cope with all that. She needs to know that there are people who feel her and care about her even if they don't know her.

She need to be told to take care of yourself and love herself and that she us a great person.*

[Wakeup]

But the thing is everybody knows where they are wrong. Nobody needs to be told that again and again. The hard thing is to make things right. By being told how wrong I am (which triggers a lot in me btw because that's all I got to hear when I was young and believe me even years of therapy haven't really helped me to get rid of that completely) I feel bad, I feel weak, I feel I have failed again. By reading nice and encouraging words I get the feeling that perhaps I am not that bad after all, perhaps there is a chance for me to get over all this and have a better life...

Doll, you don't neet people in here to make you feel well and strong and confident... you have to get that from within. You have to believe in yourself by yourself. Once you believe in you, it doesn't matter what anyone says to you because you'll know with 100% certainty that you are better than what they say you are. BTW: I am not saying you are a lesser person in any way or form.. only that you are stuck in your current state of low self-respect and pain due to your ego being bruised.

I think everybody needs a different approach. Depending on their personalities and pasts. What helps the one can destroy the other.

I mean this without malice, but have you considered some other type of therapy to help you to believe that words are not something that should be able to destroy you?

No I am not very young and I do know what I am talking about - most of the time at least ;-) I am trying to cope with the loss of my uncle and the loss of my ex. And that's how I came to think about this topic. That's all. I try to find my way around all this. It's just too much at the moment.

I give you some ways to cope and find yourself on the other side of the tunnel known as grief. Be proactive in getting through the process. Don't just be stuck in the middle of that tunnel.

[hurtsoul80]

This is an open forum and if what I say is too strong for your sensibilities then ignore it.

I guess that goes both ways...

[Wakeup]

And bottom line, for gods shake. The girl is going through a very difficult breakup. She now lost a relative. Her whole world is breaking apart. Only god knows how many feelings are trapped inside her.

Yet she has the courage to post her deepest fears, and thought here. She has the courage to so sympathy and support to others.

She doesn't need shit from anyone. All she needs is somebody to tell her that it's ok to feel how she feels. That it's fine that all those thought go through her mind and that thing *will* get better with time.

She needs to be told that other people would have to go to psychiatrists and start taking pills to cope with all that. She needs to know that there are people who feel her and care about her even if they don't know her.

She need to be told to take care of yourself and love herself and that she us a great person.*

She has you and many others for that.

I guess that goes both ways... ;-)

Indeed. that's why i shall continue to post a different point of view. I may debate your point of view while doing so though but unlike you, that doesn't mean I'm in anyway negatively affected emotionally by what I consider your enabling attitude.

[IndiReloaded]

You know, hurtsoul80, you might be right. But, why are YOU posting this on Kyeema's behalf? Did she ask you to? Take a look at your own navel lint, young Shiny Knight.

[Mathias]

All she needs is somebody to tell her that it's ok to feel how she feels. That it's fine that all those thought go through her mind and that thing *will* get better with time.

Awesome. Then she'll continue to bitch and moan about how it's not getting better, and you'll enable her to do that.

At some point, she's going to have to decide to actually get over this. We'd rather her do that sooner rather than later. Apparently, you want her to mope.

[hurtsoul80]

You know, hurtsoul80, you might be right. But, why are YOU posting this on Kyeema's behalf? Did she ask you to? Take a look at your own navel lint, young Shiny Knight.

Not really pretending to be a knight.

1. Kyeema has shown a lot of sympathy and support to me in this forum. It would be unfair not to support her back.
2. I don't think it's fair to be taking all these shit.
3. Again it's called empathy. I feel her. Even if it's through a forum I can understand how she feels and want to let her know she is not the only one who think/feels this way.

[IndiReloaded]

On topic: I would much prefer being dumped by any man I've cared about than having him gone forever.

[hurtsoul80]

Awesome. Then she'll continue to bitch and moan about how it's not getting better, and you'll enable her to do that.

At some point, she's going to have to decide to actually get over this. We'd rather her do that sooner rather than later. Apparently, you want her to mope.

She made it extremely clear that all she needs is warmth and kind words and empathy. I guess you know what's better for her better than her??? Nice!!

Go and save somebody who asks you to save them.

[hurtsoul80]

On topic: I would much prefer being dumped by any man I've cared about than having him gone forever.

I completely agree 100%. But that was not the topic. The topic was which one is faster/easier to let go and accept.

[IndiReloaded]

Not really pretending to be a knight.

1. Kyeema has shown a lot of sympathy and support to me in this forum. It would be unfair not to support her back.
2. I don't think it's fair to be taking all these shit.
3. Again it's called empathy. I feel her. Even if it's through a forum I can understand how she feels and want to let her know she is not the only one who think/feels this way.

LOL, okay HS.

Hey! Kyeema! Did you say you are single? HS really feels you and he's got some rippin abs! Opportunity to work through your ex-issues!

[Mathias]

She made it extremely clear that all she needs is warmth and kind words and empathy. I guess you know what's better for her better than her??? Nice!!

Yes, I know better than someone who's thinking 100% on emotion after going through a terrible experience. She's not thinking logically, and neither are you.

You're obviously not used to people disagreeing with you, and you have to jump to emotional attacks when it happens. Hopefully you can get past that. As for now, yes, people that have been giving this advice in here for years are going to disagree with you and her. We've seen hundreds of people come in here that are just like her. Coddling isn't the way to go, especially with the path she's going down. Recognizing the need to get over it, and immediately taking action in that direction is the best path.

You have every right to speak and defend her. More power to you, especially since you think you're doing the right thing. But, you do have to accept that a lot of us are going to fight it, because we want what's best for her too.

[Wakeup]

She made it extremely clear that all she needs is warmth and kind words and empathy. I guess you know what's better for her better than her??? Nice!!

She doesn't know whats best for her or she would stop doing what she's doing because it's not helping her to overcome.

Go and save somebody who asks you to save them.

OMG. This is about opinion and strategies that have worked for a lot of people to get past the rut of being in grief and unable to surpass it.

You'd do better to support her emotional crippledom with actual words of sympathy (if that's what you think she wants) rather than the way you're doing here by thinking you are rescuing her somehow when all the posts (displaying more than words of sympathy) are just strategies that may help her to actually heal from all this. You are sounding rather codependent (have you read the book Codpendent No More?) you do your best to enable her to remain lost in her own head.

[hurtsoul80]

LOL, okay HS.

Hey! Kyeema! Did you say you are single? HS really feels you and he's got some rippin abs! Opportunity to work through your ex-issues!

Is that supposed to be funny?

You clearly don't have the slightest idea about feelings other than lust..