Losing your loved one to death vs. being dumped...

[Jenswaiting]

I really need to point out that you keep contradicting yourself Kyeema:

I prefer losing nobody.
If I'd have to decide which one I'd prefer it would also be being dumped.
Although I still think that letting go of someone who died might be easier for 2 reasons: first, it's final, nothing to do about it, no hope. Second knowing that you are still loved and waited upon is consoling somehow. And yes, you'll mock me again, somehow he would always be there for me as my guardian angel.
So I think I'll leave it at being different. That's it..

I'll start out by saying I respect your final comment, but to be honest all I see here is pure emotion. You seem to be coming only from a broken heart. Don't you want to feel better? Do you realise that only you can pick yourself up, brush the dirt from your knees and get on with your life? No one else is going to do this for you and people here like Wakeup, Pisces and myself are here to give you a gentle nudge in the right direction.

Recently I needed a severe kick to get myself out of a rut due to a loss of a relationship that had great potential. Luckily there are people here to help with this. Kyeema, we only want to help you or we wouldn't be posting.

Finally I have to state there is nothing easy about letting go of someone who died. I have loved and lost - and yes I feel blessed that this person was in my life however, I won't ever ever see him again...not even when I die. He isn't waiting for me, he's just gone.

[IndiReloaded]

because it's not helping her to overcome.

Overthrow the oligarchs! We shall overcome! Grrrr!

[hurtsoul80]

Wakeup. It's good to read psychology books and have read a few. But reading self-help books and trying to play doctor with others is not my thing. Actually I find it dangerous.

Again! She made it crystal clear that all she wants is warmth and kind words. Stop trying to save people who don't ask you to.

PS: Will say it one more time. As to if those strategies world is open to discussion. And if I was to discuss it I would ask you for references from official studies. BUT I am not discussing that. All I am saying is don't give somebody what he doesn't ask for, which YOU THINK is right. Give him what he asks. Otherwise you are not helping. You are patronizing. Everybody is an adult and can make his own decisions in life. You can suggest but don't try to force things down somebody's throat. And do it I a polite, constructive, respectful way.

[IndiReloaded]

Is that supposed to be funny?

You clearly don't have the slightest idea about feelings other than lust..

What do you mean "supposed" to be....?

Get a sense of humor, kid. You'll live longer. Think about what you are actually doing here. Hint: its not saving someone's life nor changing anyone posting on this forum.

Stop trying to save people who don't ask you to.

Interesting! .... errrr, ironic??

LOL.

[hurtsoul80]

Yes, I know better than someone who's thinking 100% on emotion after going through a terrible experience. She's not thinking logically, and neither are you.

You're obviously not used to people disagreeing with you, and you have to jump to emotional attacks when it happens. Hopefully you can get past that. As for now, yes, people that have been giving this advice in here for years are going to disagree with you and her. We've seen hundreds of people come in here that are just like her. Coddling isn't the way to go, especially with the path she's going down. Recognizing the need to get over it, and immediately taking action in that direction is the best path.

You have every right to speak and defend her. More power to you, especially since you think you're doing the right thing. But, you do have to accept that a lot of us are going to fight it, because we want what's best for her too.

I think you misunderstood me. I never said don't give advice. Give it as a suggestion and with respect. Don't be harsh. That's all I am arguing for.

[hurtsoul80]

What do you mean "supposed" to be....?

Get a sense of humor, kid. You'll live longer. Think about what you are actually doing here. Hint: its not saving someone's life nor changing anyone posting on this forum.





Interesting! .... errrr, ironic??

LOL.

Well you last post, sorry to tell you but it was not funny. Silly maybe. Funny no. Probably a joke a 15yo person would do.

Sarcasm will not help you either.

Not trying to save anyone. Just raising a voice for Waleup's harsh comments.

[IndiReloaded]

Dude. In all seriousness. This forum has had loads of newbies like you over the years posting for others to change their posting style. None of them have been successful. You are wasting your time. Keep it up and you'll just be made a pariah or banned, if you still wish.

This is a public forum for entertainment. Any advice you get is worth about what you paid for it. Tu me comprends?

That said, there are a number of professionals on this site (who won't identify themselves as such--hint: they don't pretend to act like counsellors or medicos, tho). If you are fortunate enough to get some useful advice from them b/c you happened to catch them on a generous day, be grateful. But don't expect.

I think I'm going to go get myself a mohito. This forum just got real boring.

[hurtsoul80]

Indi. When you talk seriously is much better.

It might not change the way people post but I think it may make those being treated harsh feel better.

[Wakeup]

Wakeup. It's good to read psychology books and have read a few. But reading self-help books and trying to play doctor with others is not my thing. Actually I find it dangerous.

Again! She made it crystal clear that all she wants is warmth and kind words. Stop trying to save people who don't ask you to.

PS: Will say it one more time. As to if those strategies world is open to discussion. And if I was to discuss it I would ask you for references from official studies. BUT I am not discussing that. All I am saying is don't give somebody what he doesn't ask for, which YOU THINK is right. Give him what he asks. Otherwise you are not helping. You are patronizing. Everybody is an adult and can make his own decisions in life. You can suggest but don't try to force things down somebody's throat. And do it I a polite, constructive, respectful way.

So: If an alcholic asks me for a beer I should give it to him?

You're right though, everyone is an adult and if they don't want to hear what I or what others say about this thread then they don't have to follow the discussion or the advice.

Why do you have the need to try and control? You even try to control me and how I post? I have found that people who have control issues are people who have the hardest time getting over being dumped. Being dumped isn't something you can control and that eats away at you (the general you who have control issues).

[IndiReloaded]

Indi. When you talk seriously is much better.

It might not change the way people post but I think it may make those being treated harsh feel better.

Hurtsoul, I am thinking I have been wrong about you....

LOL w/the damned book already, WU!

[Wakeup]

LOL w/the damned book already, WU!

yea, no kidding. *snipped* (best to just leave it at that :o)

[hurtsoul80]

So: If an alcholic asks me for a beer I should give it to him?

You're right though, everyone is an adult and if they don't want to hear what I or what others say about this thread then they don't have to follow the discussion or the advice.

Why do you have the need to try and control? You even try to control me and how I post? I have found that people who have control issues are people who have the hardest time getting over being dumped. Being dumped isn't something you can control and that eats away at you (the general you who have control issues).

It's up to you to give or not the beer. But don't be harsh with them is what I am saying.

Do you understand that what you wrote made somebody feel bad and worse about themselves?

[IndiReloaded]

It's up to you to give or not the beer.

And its up to you, HS to not look like this if you want more:

[Wakeup]

Do you understand that what you wrote made somebody feel bad and worse about themselves?

She chose to feel bad then. I did not make her feel anything. I cannot control her feelings anymore than she can control mine. If I choose to be hurt and maintain that feeling then that is MY choice not anyone elses. I can as easily choose to NOT be affected by others thoughts and opinions.

When she and you realize that, you will be feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders and your confidence will improve as well.

[hurtsoul80]

She chose to feel bad then. I did not make her feel anything. I cannot control her feelings anymore than she can control mine. If I choose to be hurt and maintain that feeling then that is MY choice not anyone elses. When she and you realize that, you will be feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

No Wakeup. Words hurt. More than blows.