He needs space

[Worried in tx]

My husband of 11 years told me he needs space. He wants to try to figure out how to be the husband that he needs to be we have two girls and he is a great dad lately he just seems so stressed out and is always upset. He wants to start going out to the bar just to get away for a while. I know he is not cheating although as a woman the thought is always there. He told me today that he cannot talk about anymore so he wants me to give him two months free of let's talk about our feelings. He wants to know if we can still be friends. He does nt think we have to move out or even sleep in different rooms. He is a good guy and I am afraid that I am losing him help please what do I do

[Wakeup]

Two months 'space'?

No one should need to take 'space' or even have that conversation just so they can go to a bar. (?)
Just How short is the leash you have this man on?
What kind of husband does he think he needs to be that he's not currently being?

IMO, every couple should have their own free time to follow their hobbies and spend time with their friends. Do you usually freak out on him if he want to do things without you?

[Worried in tx]

He goes out with his buddies golfing all the time and even goes away on trips with them! He has free time that is not the issue. The one thing I will say is that I like to know where he is....for example he went to a baseball game last week and normally he comes home right afterwards...he drinks at the game...the difference this time is that he decided to go out and eat and go to the bar...that is not a problem...the problem was that he didn't call to let me know...am I asking too much in that regard?

I have issues and I am not saying that this is not partially my fault. I worry a lot we don't have close friends and there is noo family in the area. I get that I have probably been hanging on too tight to him. I don't have issues with him doing things without me I just need to know if he is going to be late or if he changes his plans.. As for being the husband he needs to be well that is because he gets really stressed and when he does he says mean things that really hurt my feelings...

He wants space from talking bat our feelings,emotions, how to fix things...I know there are somethings I need to change andi have already started working on them...I am looking for advice on how to proceed so I don't screw this up..

[smartguy]

Something goes on his mind...
you try to figure it out....
or you ask him directly on what he thinks....

better you make him to feel interested with you....

[MaidenMinx]

One thing I am slowly learning if I say the word 'feel' to my husband he appears to clam up. What I have realised is that the word feel instantly throws him into I don't know what to say mode. He has a million thoughts whirl around in his head and the fact of the matter is when I say 'how do you feel about....' He has no idea what I am asking. The question is way to vague for him. I've started replacing feel with think and I usually get the answer I am looking for. When I ask 'what do you think about....' if he needs further clarification he'll ask for it and if he starts going off on a tangent I can re-direct him. (strangely enough, if our son wasn't Autistic, I wouldn't have learnt this trick).

Maybe it's not what you're discussing but how you are discussing it. It sounds like you guys just need to learn how to communicate effectively.

[Worried in tx]

Smart guy u have hit nail on the head I do that all the time question what he is thinking and if hecis ok

[Worried in tx]

Maiden minx I understand what u r saying. I talk too much and he will not say a word. I am learning to keep my mouth shut lately

[smartguy]

Smart guy u have hit nail on the head I do that all the time question what he is thinking and if hecis ok

Take him to some other places which makes his mind cool and relaxed.....

it should be lovely and lonely too....

[Wakeup]

Personally, I'd give him what he wants and I'd quit "bothering" him about anything relating to the marriage and feelings for the two months he's requested. I'd also reiterate to him that our vows are still very much in place and that this "space" doesn't include him being with other women. Then, I'd find a sport or a hobby that would help me find friends that I could do fun things with as well. I think you'd fair well with some interests other than your husband and babies.

I don't know what your guy's issue is, but just from the two posts two things came to mind.

1. He's having an affair. Or..
2. You need to have interests other than just him because he's feeling smothered.

No matter what his problem is, he should not be verbally abusing you nor should he be trying to run away by going to the bar and not having to answer to you. He is a husband and a father not some single dude without strings.

Good luck, look after yourself.

p.s.

I do that all the time question what he is thinking and if hecis ok

I'd stop doing that. If he's spacing out on you, Get his attention some other way then verbally. Flash him if you have to.

[Worried in tx]

So we need tovlearn to communicate and I need to not worry so much what he is thinking but have him worry about what I am thinking

What should I do over next two months

[MaidenMinx]

There are actually courses on effective communication. They can be very helpful. Give him some space, and use that time to think about how you can talk to him better. Obviously the words you are choosing are getting you no where, find some different ones. And it sounds to me like he just needs head space, not physical space. Try enjoying just being around him rather than having to yammer at him. He just probably feels like all the time you are together at the moment is spent 'discussing' things, and he probably just wants some peace.

[Worried in tx]

Personally, I'd give him what he wants and I'd quit "bothering" him about anything relating to the marriage and feelings for the two months he's requested. I'd also reiterate to him that our vows are still very much in place and that this "space" doesn't include him being with other women. Then, I'd find a sport or a hobby that would help me find friends that I could do fun things with as well. I think you'd fair well with some interests other than your husband and babies.

I don't know what your guy's issue is, but just from the two posts two things came to mind.

1. He's having an affair. Or..
2. You need to have interests other than just him because he's feeling smothered.

No matter what his problem is, he should not be verbally abusing you nor should he be trying to run away by going to the bar and not having to answer to you. He is a husband and a father not some single dude without strings.

Good luck, look after yourself.

thanks

It will be option 2 he is not that kinda guy...I will take the advice to heart

[smartguy]

So we need tovlearn to communicate and I need to not worry so much what he is thinking but have him worry about what I am thinking

What should I do over next two months

In these two months,you look closer at him as a third person not as his wife....
so that you can conclude on what he is thinking...

[Worried in tx]

There are actually courses on effective communication. They can be very helpful. Give him some space, and use that time to think about how you can talk to him better. Obviously the words you are choosing are getting you no where, find some different ones. And it sounds to me like he just needs head space, not physical space. Try enjoying just being around him rather than having to yammer at him. He just probably feels like all the time you are together at the moment is spent 'discussing' things, and he probably just wants some peace.

Thanks sounds like I should just let it go for a while. I have tendency to as they say beat a dead horse when it comes to an issue Iam just so worried

[Worried in tx]

In these two months,you look closer at him as a third person not as his wife....
so that you can conclude on what he is thinking...

Good idea maybe I can get a different point of view