i want to send this letter to her mom

[jer1023]

is sending this letter to her mom a bad idea :/



Dear Susan,


I have tossed and turned over sending a letter like this for the past month. I don't know if I'm sending it for personal gain or for Courtney's sake, but I alas here I am writing it.

First and foremost let me say that I love your daughter more than anything in this world. I don't know if you know completely what happened between us, so I will try and explain it in the most respectable way possible. I don't feel as if you should tell Courtney I sent this, but I think you should know. I think you should talk to her about it afterwards.

I met your daughter in a bar in Scottsdale on July 9th, 2010. It was the single happiest day of my life. I learned about 2 weeks later that the night I met her was a week after she broke up with Beau, so initially I was afraid I was the "rebound guy". When we met we both felt really strong, and within a month of texting and calling every night, we exchanged "I love yous". I could have easily told her that the night I met her, but I waited.

When she came to visit me in September, I knew, and I feel like she knew as well, that this was real. I never felt anyone feel as special as she made me feel, and I believed the feeling was mutual.

I came to see her in October and November and the feelings had gotten even stronger. I was convinced that Courtney was the girl I was going to marry. She was completely against titles and labels from the beginning, she told me. However, the last time I visited, I built up the confidence and told her that I wanted her to be my girlfriend. She refused. She stated that it would "complicate things", and it wasn't "fair to me". Over and over again, I told her I didn't want anyone else and didn't care that I would be away for 10 months, I just wanted commitment. She refused. She didn't care what I did, just as long as I didn't tell her.

When the trip began, as I was in Ireland, Scotland, and England, Courtney and I would facetime just about every night. I was lonely and I missed her but I loved having her there, even if she wasn't actually there. Annoyingly, she would tell me things like her and her friend Matt were going camping, or her friend Ryan from Vegas was staying at the Clarendon and visiting you guys for Christmas. At the time, I didn't know Ryan and Matt were friends, rather, I thought they were the reasons that she was so adamant about her open relationship.

Twenty-five days into my trip, on a stupid drunken night in Amsterdam, I found myself being seduced by a girl from California. With little self-control at the time, and more importantly, the notion that I didn't have a girlfriend at the time and that this was "okay", I kissed the girl and fell asleep at her hostel, as my friend Alex was with her friend. I didn't have any sexual relations or anything, it was just a kiss.

When I woke up in the morning, I began to feel terrible. Absolutely awful. Maybe it was the fact that a song that came on, reminding me of her, or maybe it was my visit to the Anne Frank house. I knew what I had to do, because I knew what I did was wrong. I tried calling Courtney, and then texted her, 'We need to talk'. When she asked as to what I wanted to talk to her about, I told her 'Something almost happened last night and I think we need to re-evaluate our open relationship.' She then continued to ask what it was, so I told her.

I didn't think, considering it was her insistence on the open relationship, that she would have been as hurt as she had gotten. We were both incessantly sobbing with tears, and I repeatedly told her that I still loved her I just made a mistake. I was sorry to cause the love of my life any pain, and didn't bother to even argue the fact that her insistence on an open relationship helped cause what happened.

Luckily, she was over it within a few days. Or so I thought, and we were soon enough blowing kisses to each other again. I felt so lucky that I didn't have to learn the hard way that you can't fool around with someone else if you love someone.

Courtney and I knew we had to see each other over the course of my trip for it to work. I offered, initially, to forgo the trip for her, but she wouldn't allow me. Together, we decided that I would come home in February for a week to see her, that she would come up in June to see me, and that if we couldn't make it to October, I would come home early.

About 12 days before my February arrival, Courtney began to complain...pretty heavily, about what happened in Amsterdam, as well as her concern that it was bound to happen. I repeatedly told her it wouldn't. There had been a few instances since Amsterdam where I had an opportunity to be unfaithful, and I didn't, I learned my lesson and would never do that again.

Her worries escalated, and she went on a dramatic rant about how her open relationship was a 'test', and how your husband had the opportunity to leave you when he met you, and didn't. I was heartbroken and didn't feel that comparison was necessary. For the first time in our relationship, I got angry, and for me, angry consists of me using all caps in my responses.

I was mainly mad, because my friends told me she was 'testing' me when I told them about what happened in Amsterdam, and I would always defend it with, "She wouldn't do that". She admitted to it, and my guilt for the situation turned to disgust that someone would test another and seemingly let what happened, happen.

Now with her hate for me being unloyal, and my hate for her testing me, we were in a jam. I asked her if she was still coming in 2 weeks, and she replied "I don't know". I asked what does she mean, I already booked the tickets and everything, and she replied, "I need time". This made me go crazy, maybe unwarranted. However, that moment in the airport was essential to us continuing this relationship. She had a month to tell me she needed time, and now she is waiting until just before my flight home to tell me she can't see me.

I fell into a depression, the biggest one of my life. I lost about 20 pounds, got really sick, and my mom purchased me a next-day plane ticket because she was worried for my safety. I came home, and still begged for Courtney to see me, she wouldn't. I never once belittled her, or chastised anything in her past, my only mistake was being 'obsessive'. I did call and text and facebook message an ungodly amount of times, but that was the only thing within my power to get her back. And you know what, I am a tad-bit obsessive, and I do need help with that.

After spending 3 weeks in my room, depressed, lonely, and heartbroken, I got up and continued my trip to Israel. The morning I arrived in Israel, after being home for 3 weeks, I had a message from Courtney.

It said "I'm so stupid. I don't know why I didn't come see you. I miss you."

I was dumbfounded, I was angry, I was confused, but more importantly, I was happy. I was so happy that the girl I loved more than life itself still wanted to be with me....that I had this incredible beautiful person back in my life.

Once again, we began speaking almost every night and texting each other daily. Soon enough, the subject of when we would meet came up. I asked her if she was still coming in June, to India, and she said she couldn't as she didn't ask off from work in time. I offered to come straight from Israel to see her, forgoing 7 months of my trip, and she wouldn't let me, saying she needed to get her life in order first.

We both admitted that my October arrival date was way too long to go without seeing each other, so I sucked it up and told her I would be home in July, in time for our anniversary. She was thrilled, but not as much as me. Immediately, I started a countdown in my iPod and began to look at the days passing by on my dream trip as a good thing, not a bad thing.

I had to cut out several places.....Egypt, South Africa, Madagascar, volunteering at an orphanage in Nepal, South Korea, Mount Fuji in Japan, Vietnam, Laos, working at a winery in Australia, and the North Island of New Zealand. I cut out all of this, and decided to come home in July to see the most beautiful little girl in the entire world.

On June 11th, I booked my plane ticket from Sydney to Christchurch, Christchurch to Honolulu, and Honolulu to Phoenix. I told Courtney, and she was ecstatic. We were both nearly in tears with excitement, and I told her I was going to stay for 10 days, as I really wanted to see if it would work. I was the happiest man in the world from June 11th to June 27th. I only had 25 days until I was with my bebe.

On June 26th, I slept at the airport in Christchurch. I was way over budget, and decided sleeping at the airport for 48 hours would save valuable money. I then had a flight to Auckland, followed by a stopover in Fiji, Christmas Island, and finally Honolulu. All in all, I would be flying/in airports for 70 hours!

I arrived in Fiji for a 10 hour layover, and decided to take a cab into town. I stopped at an internet cafe to tell Courtney to relax about her apartment search, and to also let her know I was in Fiji! I opened up my facebook to a letter that read

"I don't know how else to say this so I'm just going to be brutally honest my feelings for you have faded. I tried to avoid meeting someone else for the longest time but I recently met someone that I have feelings for. I know this isn't what you want to hear but I think it's for the best that you don't come to Phoenix. I know this is going to hurt you but you deserve better. I'm sorry..."

Initially I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I was dumbfounded. I felt like I was dreaming, this could not be real. I wasn't thinking about the fact that I had just shortened everything for the girl I would be seeing in 8 days, and with 8 days to go, she sent me this. I was only thinking that the girl that I loved with all of my heart had met someone new and moved on.

My initial response was admirable. I told her it was okay, I just wanted to talk. I tried calling 5 times while in Fiji to no response. I tried, I just needed to talk this out, and she ignored my calls. I messaged her without belittling her or using profanites on facebook and textfree, and she didn't respond.

I then boarded my flight to Honolulu, 10 more hours on a plane, ghostlike. I got through customs and finally into a wifi area in Honolulu, and she told me "I am a terrible person. I'm sorry. I met him at a coffee shop, and felt guilty not being able to take up his offer for a date".

Still, I didn't over-react. I told her I wanted to talk, whether on the phone or via facetime. I tried calling to no response. She finally texted back, and I tried really hard to keep my cool. We talked a little bit, while receiving some closure, she told me she had just taken a sleeping pill and may 'fall asleep'.

I lost it. I LOST IT. I think everyone has a breaking point, I do. I think if Gahndi was treated like this by the woman he loved most, he would break, too. I began tell her reprehensible things such as "F*ck you", and "Burn in Hell". It was childish, it was. She responded with. "You know the real reason I couldn't be with you, it was because I couldn't have children with someone who acted like a child".

This still makes me gulp. I lost it again, and fired back with the fact that I could never have children with someone who has meth teeth (I didn't know she had an eating disorder), someone who worked at a sex shop, and someone who didn't graduate college. I stooped to a despicable level, but I was just so hurt and demoralized.

I laid in my bed for days, contemplating doing awful things to myself. I had never felt so hopeless. so heartbroken in my entire life. That message truly broke me. February hurt me, but June completely broke me, and I snapped.

We finally spoke again on FaceTime, and she told me I could visit Phoenix for one day and see her, as I had a flight from Honolulu to Phoenix booked already.

We met that day, and after hours of crying, I felt we returned to our old loving ways. She said she loved me still, and that it wouldn't work because of the distance, the pressure of me moving there for her.

She denied the fact that there was ever another man, saying rather that she told me that to make me hate her. She also told me that she was afraid, from the way I reacted in February that I could one day physically harm her, or our unborn children. This was extremely hurtful. For one, I would never, and secondly, I was beaten as a child and know how terrible and helpless one can feel from that.

Despite her continually beating my will down, I told her I would go to anger management therapy, move to Arizona for her, and do everything I could to make it work. She adamantly told me "NO", and dropped me at the airport.

I arrived home to an empty house. My parents were in North Carolina. I had planned to start working again, but not until my arrival date from Arizona, which was 10 days in the future. My best friends had moved away or been on summer vacation, and I was alone, very alone in my house. I was manically depressed, still am, and tried to contact Courtney.

On the other hand, Courtney seemed to be doing just fine. She went to a Donkey Farm after looking at new apartments with her Aunt, she went to dinner with Landon on our anniversary, and even bought a new vintage dress. I was bitter and I was angry, that the girl I loved and that completely turned my world upside down was happy, while I was sulking in bed.

I did make a mistake in continuing to berate her over her decision. She told me mean things too, such as she could have never 'settled' on someone like me, and I responded with the only flaws I knew she had, flaws that were all in her past. I blamed her for stringing me along, and her responses of "I don't care", and "I ended it because I love you", only made me angrier.

Eventually, I think she snapped, like I did. Apparently she is now on a leave-of-absence from work. I am frightened, terrified that she is not eating. I googled her screen-name and saw a disturbing website about girls wanting to lose weight, and she had a profile on it, talking about her need to lose more weight.

I love her. I have told her I loved her, I have told her I hated her, but the fact is that I do love her. I am obsessed with her, she is the most beautiful person and soul I have ever come across, and despite everything, I want her to be healthy and happy. I still feel that she doesn't deserve to be happy, and I don't want to ever see her happy, but she needs people in her life to care for her right now.

This whole thing has been a nightmare. I miss your daughter so much. I really did truly love her.

Sorry

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[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yes, send it.

[Horseyguy]

yeah I agree , you should send it because I think her mum needs to understand that she just dodged a bullet

[jer1023]

what do you mean dodged a bullet?

[jer1023]

Maybe if you read the letter, you'd see why I am such a mess. I am desperate. She has changed her phone number and deleted facebook. I am going insane. She hurt me terribly on two seperate occasions yet I still love her and feel like messaging her mom is my only outlet.

[rafterman]

Yeah send it, Imagine the sh!t storm its going to cause Courtney.
What is "meth teeth"? What does it look like?

[jer1023]

She is 25, I 23. I know the title and idea sounds incredibly immature. I just feel like maybe if her mom knows what happened, she can help her see the situation better. This girl has been in physically abusive relationships and I think her perception of an ideal relationship is flawed. I still love her and still want to make it work, and I know she still loves me.

[Mathias]

What the hell? Am I missing something?

If you're concerned about an eating disorder, send THAT letter. Her mom doesn't need to know about your relationship problems.

[Rhainnonxx]

no offense but this girl doesnt sound very considerate, she really should have thought through her decisions before she made them, idk if you even wanna stay with her. that is so messed up! she sound like a whole crap load of drama, and you seem like a nice person you can find better. but i also understand not wanting to find better. just leave her alone for awhile, focus on you.... she doesnt want to be your responsibility anymore, so give her what she thinks she wants. dont send this because than you are just feeding into her obvious need for the dramatics. leave it alone for awhile. there is nothing you can do but better yourself and hope for the best, the ball is in her court so let it be. i'm sorry to sound so harsh, and i'm so sorry for your situation it sounds awful, and really hard. i wouldnt have lasted in that situation as long as you did and endured as much as you did. i really hope to see it get better for you<3

[Cerby]

Considering this is an extreme LDR. This letter is stupidly long, hard to read, and contains nothing of value. Its a play-by-play of a failed relationship.

Why would you even consider sending this? Why would her mom even CARE? The girl is 25, she is a grown up and makes her own decisions.

Normally I like to be positive, but this is just completely and utterly rediculous.

[smackie9]

Dont send the letter, it will do nothing for her and her mother wont care because she will think you one of her weirdo BFs for sending a letter like that....seriously you are unstable and need to get a grip.

[MaidenMinx]

hahahahahahahahaha!!

LMAO!! I think if my mum had ever received a letter from an ex (especially one like that) she'd hug me and congratulate me for moving on.

[jer1023]

stay classy

[kageri]

That could use some editing. Start by deleting 3/4ths of it. Parents can't do much about their children's relationship abilities at this point and they don't need to know about all the things that went wrong in a relationship. If you are concerned about her health then send a letter about that. If you would like to express that you still care for her and want her mother to send that message along then send that. All of that should take about 2 paragraphs of maybe 4-8 sentences depending exactly how much evidence of self destructive behavior you have. That's it. All the rest is just going to make you look like a mentally unstable ex boyfriend her daughter should never contact again. Personally if someone went running to my parents you can bet they would never hear from me again. Well they would hear from me as I cussed and screamed for 20-30mins before changing my cell phone number, email, and blocking anyone with the same name as them on social networking sites just to make sure.

[vashti]

Don't send it. Do you have no respect at all for the privacy of a relationship?