Should I take this a sign to quit my relationship?

[staticline]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, I am 23 and he is 25. We have had a happy relationship for the most part although recently I have felt frustrated that there are no signs of us moving forward. I have mentioned moving in together in the past but he said that although he would like to do this eventually, he would like to wait until I have finished my studies so that we can buy a house together rather than rent, this will be another 2 years. I have also lived in many different parts of the country and have stated a desire to live with him some place else at home or abroad, an idea he resisted stating that he could not consider moving away, something I could understand entirely. However, more recently his job in industry has come under threat. He told me that he has been looking at other vacancies in the area as he would like to secure a job.

Then I bumped into him and his friend on a night out last night. I was talking to one of my own friends about her plans to move away and stated that in an ideal world I'd like to move away but my boyfriend wouldn't so I couldn't see it happening. At this point my boyfriend's friend interjected (my boyfriend was away at the bar) "actually you should ask him, cause he's been telling me for months he hopes he loses his job so he can move away" ?!?!?!?

Am I to take this as a clue I'm wasting my time with this guy? Should I confront my boyfriend about this? Any input on this would be really appreciated

[lahnnabell]

I had this problem with a guy... Things he would tell me wouldn't match up with things he told his friends. Not a good sign. He's inconsistent (doesn't know what he wants) or a liar, or both. Either way, something isn't adding up and you need to sit down and figure out what's going on.

Call him out. Sit down with him and be like, "So, I ran into so and so the other day..." and go from there. There's nothing wrong with renting. BUT given what you just found out, there is something wrong with his reasoning. So, he doesn't want to move away, and wants to wait 2 years until you can buy a house which, interestingly enough, ends the discussion about living together... Then you find out he apparently really wants to move away. I'd be left wondering if this dude were planning to break up with me soon.

Best to figure it out now. Also, don't buy a house unless you're getting married or are married. You don't want to share such a large asset with someone that isn't officially committed to you. It could be a big headache later.

[staticline]

Hi lahnnabell,

You recently answered a post I made about my boyfriend lying about nights out etc, and I suspect we're talking about the same two guys again!

We had a heart to heart (I thought :s) just a few days ago about establishing some honesty, in which he told me he now realised how much his secrecy had upset me and unbalanced our relationship. I asked if he had been behaving this way because the relationship had run its course and maybe he felt it was time to move on, that I'd understand if that was the case, I'd just rather know. He said that he still loved me very much and wanted us to have a future together, and to move forward with clear intentions.

And then just last night this?

I'm very hurt and confused by what you quite rightly described as a lack of consistancy, at best. I do strongly suspect he may be planning on breaking it off with me if his other plans work out.. I was left thinking we'd made some progress the other day, but there's every possibility he's just not hedging his bets.

I will try dropping this into conversation when I see him tonight and see what happens. Either way, I'm feeling at this point like I should probably take his responses with a pinch of salt and be prepared to break this off in the near future. It's a difficult decision to make seeing as all of these issues seem like something and nothing in their own right, and they're all very deniable (and he does deny them!!). I guess I'll just have to call upon my own judgement.

Thanks again, your insights are very helpful.

[devonbrown]

Maybe he mentioned to his friend that he wants to move away because he knows that you want to move away and he wants to be with you. It is a possibility.
But you have been going out with him for 2 years now. You should have better communication than this. There shouldn't be a need for all these heart-to-heart serious discussions, because they should flow freely and easily for the two of you. Work on communication first with him.

Good luck.