Am i a douchebag or is she overreacting?

[IncognitoSir]

Interestingly, she asked me to keep chatting with her, and stay friendly with her. It's very tempting to give her what she wants/needs the most atm in an attempt to show respect.

Though my prime interest is to convince her to get back in a relationship with me. I keep being unable to really decide if i should go no/minimal contact or act normally.

That's because she likes to keep you their waiting on her.......don't do it. Either you 2 give it a go again or you need to move on, plain and simple. She wants to see you wallow in despair now. Since she managed to completely blow this out of proportion, I'd bet she'll never trust you again any ways, so you should probably call it quits man.

[forgotten]

You shouldn't have been talking to the other woman like that anyway. That was a recipe of infidelity.

[LoneWolfie]

You shouldn't have been talking to the other woman like that anyway. That was a recipe of infidelity.

Talk to her like what? Because the convo went something like this:

"I think Kenny is a funnier character than Butters"
"Nah, Butters is the cutest!"
"Urgh, i just cannot get these pictures done. I got 2 more pictures to edit for people tonight and not enough time."
"Edit pictures? Like with photoshop?"
"Yeah, i love photography and photoshoots. I often take and do photoshoots and edit pictures for people that pay for them."
"Owh that's cool...so what do you edit? You make a 40 year old man look like a 18 year old girl?
"Yup exactly, that MSN picture you see is actually not my pic from an lingerie photoshoot but i just made it look that way."
"Riiiight...yeah i can tell.. it has LOOKS SHOPPED written all over it."
"hahaha, nah just the eyes look more blue because of editing, i like blue eyes. Do you have any pictures without sunglasses?"
"Ah ok, you do have nice blue eyes yeah. My girlfriend would kill to have blue eyes like that, though i prefer her natural cute brown Bambi eyes. When she pouts and gives me sad eyes i just cannot say no to her haha. <3 her."
"Owh, i dont care much about pictures, only got this other one" *i switch display pic to another one a few seconds*
"Alright. Would you like to see the rest of the photoshoot? I'm very happy with them, even my mom finds them classy haha.
"Sure, why not." (DUN DUN DUUUuuuun!!!!...)
*she shows the pictures on MSN*
"You look pretty in those pictures, but i didnt expect those pictures to be that revealing. I hope i didnt just do something inappropriate for a taken man."
"Hah, i put them online on my <Profile website> and show them to my friends, it's nothing more than what you see at the beach."
"And some of the stuff you find on profile websites are even worse. Girls going fully nude etc. That's insane :/"
"Indeed, but those are not girls i am chatting with."
"Yeah, true."
"With sexy pictures like that, don't you get lots of pervs bothering you? My girlfriend gets them all the time because of her looks and MSN display picture. She even gets arab guys trying to buy her or guys asking her to cyber with them, and huge amounts of MSN contacts added"
"And you are ok with that?"
"Owh she blocks them instantly of course. She doesnt do anything out of line. She's only guilty of being sexy and beautiful as heck."
"Now you made me curious about her, do you have a picture of her?"
"Yeah but i dont just give pictures of her to people, sorry. You can ask her yourself later though if you like."
"I understand, no problem."
"Should i go buy food now before the rain starts? Or wait till it passes?"
*checks weather radar* "yeah you better hurry if you wanna stay dry.
"Ok, cya later!"
"Bye"

Took me close to an hour to get that out of my MSN history. The same one i showed my girlfriend.

Yeah, recipe for infidelity, owh woe is me, i am without restraint or any decency, nothing but a common animal who chases every female he sees....

[forgotten]

That's how it started when my boyfriend was being unfaithful.

[LoneWolfie]

That's how it started when my boyfriend was being unfaithful.

Owh for the love of... *sobs*

[oldskool83]

im learning towards you more are the DB, sorry. dont need to add friends and start sending pics.

[LoneWolfie]

im learning towards you more are the DB, sorry. dont need to add friends and start sending pics.

The DB? I'm not sure what that means.:/

[Wakeup]

And my GF knew i was looking for new friends to talk to. Infact a few months ago we talked about her spending time with guy friends and chatting up with them. And how i should not worry about it.

*sighs* It must be a generation thing but as far as I'm concerned, that line should never, ever be uttered between two people that are in a committed, exclusive relationship. You should not be making new chat friends of the opposite sex and if your primary partner and your already friends of the same sex can't keep you entertained then all I can say is your mother spent too much money on your toys and too little time in priming you to be capable of keeping yourself occupied and happy doing stuff on your own.

FFS...

[LoneWolfie]

*sighs* It must be a generation thing but as far as I'm concerned, that line should never, ever be uttered between two people that are in a committed, exclusive relationship. You should not be making new chat friends of the opposite sex and if your primary partner and your already friends of the same sex can't keep you entertained then all I can say is your mother spent too much money on your toys and too little time in priming you to be capable of keeping yourself occupied and happy doing stuff on your own.

FFS...

I spent most of my time keeping myself occupied and happily doing stuff on my own, but i have few friends and even fewer of the opposite sex and i want to be a bit more social. There is no taboo on finding new friends if you are in a relationship 'ffs'. but i understand the point you are making. The way you do it makes you sound like a grumpy 70 year old though hehe.

Anyway

If anyone has any thoughts on how to salvage this situation. Like, what i could do to convince my ex-GF to resume our relationship, id love to hear it. Taken into account not just this picture incident but also her fears that she's nothing special, her fear id mis my home country when i move to hers to be with her, fearing she'd have wasted my time if it goes to pots in the future, and that she feels awfully crap about losing me as a BF, and also as a friend if she decides to move on with someone else and im not able to bear it.

- No contact what so ever. Ignore or avoid her unless it's about getting back together. (Technically the best standard approach to a break, most forceful for her, but least painful for myself.)
- Low contact, passive short replies, not being mean but not giving her all the attention she wants. Making small attempts at changing her mind about breaking up. (I think this is the one i prefer)
- Normal contact, like friends, small talk, small attempts at convincing her to change her mind about breaking up. (This is the one she seems to prefer herself...)
- Something else.

[HeartIsAching]

*sighs* It must be a generation thing but as far as I'm concerned, that line should never, ever be uttered between two people that are in a committed, exclusive relationship. You should not be making new chat friends of the opposite sex and if your primary partner and your already friends of the same sex can't keep you entertained then all I can say is your mother spent too much money on your toys and too little time in priming you to be capable of keeping yourself occupied and happy doing stuff on your own.

FFS...

I dunno... I suppose "new* ones, maybe. I've got quite a few female friends on YIM and FB that are um... interested, and would if I ever gave 'em the green light - my wife knows of them, and trusts that they're just friends. I don't go inappropriate places with them, don't really chat with them much anymore. I wouldn't have an issue if my wife had friends online - I trust her. I don't really think it's a generational thing, as I don't believe you and I are much different age-wise. I think it has more to do with comfort level with technology, and trust.

[Wakeup]

I spent most of my time keeping myself occupied and happily doing stuff on my own, but i have few friends and even fewer of the opposite sex and i want to be a bit more social. There is no taboo on finding new friends if you are in a relationship 'ffs'. but i understand the point you are making. The way you do it makes you sound like a grumpy 70 year old though hehe.

Well, you're 20 years ahead of me there and I'll tell you young man *grinz* that I've been in a happy, still nicely connected relationship for over 30 years now.. I doubt you'll ever be able to say the same if you can't see why making new friends of the opposite sex is detrimental to a happy, angst-free monogamous relationship. No skin off my nose though, you're the one who's looking for advice on how to make things right because you have crossed a very fundimental relationship boundary. Ya young whipper-snapper you.

Anyway

Yes, anyway...

You can't make someone want you so I have no advice to give you about that. All I'll say is that if she wants to be with you, she will contact you and let you know.

I'll also say that I hope you don't dismiss this incident as her being unreasonible and that hopefully you've learned that humans (or most of us) have a very possessive way about loving one another and opposite sex friends (of the new kind) aren't always welcome. ;o)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You keep changing shit around hoping that the advice will change. It's not going to. If you want to get her back, you must cease all contact. If you want to hear about her ****ing other dudes, then by all means continue, and please come back and post about it, so I can get my lulz for the day.

[IncognitoSir]

You keep changing shit around hoping that the advice will change. It's not going to. If you want to get her back, you must cease all contact. If you want to hear about her ****ing other dudes, then by all means continue, and please come back and post about it, so I can get my lulz for the day.

And you've been stung lol.

[lahnnabell]

There is nothing wrong with chatting. I agree with Heart that it all has to do with trust. If you can't trust your SO to not do something that would cross the line, or would be considered inappropriate then you aren't working as a couple. End of story.

Everyone has a different interpretation of what "crossing the line" is. Everyone has a different gauge. It's important to understand what your limits are and hold a person to that standard. You didn't cheat. Plain and simple. Because of your girlfriend's initial controlling nature, you felt the need to inform her of something she most likely would've found out about anyway. No one should be so controlling that they have to know every damn detail of every personal transaction you have. That is distrust and it has no business being in a healthy relationship.

You are better off without this chick. It seems you were so wrapped in how she wanted you to behave that you lost sight of who you are and what you want. It's a hard balance to get a hold of, but it gets easier as you gain experience. But just know, her insecurities are not your problem. You can't fix them, nor should you have to. If a girl you're dating simply cannot trust that you will be faithful to her then you need to get out. And it sounds like you both have a lot of buried insecurities (especially from the way you speak about the type of attention she gets).

You need to start valuing yourself more. Know through and through that you are a good guy with good intentions, but don't be blind to the follies of others. Trust you gut when a situation doesn't feel right. Having a girlfriend doesn't mean you must blind yourself to every other female out there. You can't possibly do that. And if she can't know and understand her own worth then that is her problem to deal with. You can't fix people. That's not what a relationship is for. You find a person, a partner you can share your life with, and if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Life goes on.

Best of luck

[robertdawson]

She is overreacting but you did two stupid things:

Nothing wrong with talking to a girl, but why did you tell that girl it was OK for her to send pictures to you?

Why in the hell did you run to your girlfriend out of guilt and SHOW HER THE PICTURES? You should have felt bad about it, told the other girl not to do that anymore and deleted them. There was no reason to go rat yourself out in that way.