Can you trust someone?

[uk_guy]

When two people come together to form a lasting relationship there have to be rules, some spoken and some unspoken. When you dedicate yourself to one person, give up the life you had for them, give yourself to them completely, promise to love them, protect them, give them everything you have and never betray that trust in return for their undivided love, dedication, commitment and above all loyalty, then I believe it's only right to expect that person to be true to their word, otherwise what is the point of that commitment? Actions speak louder than words.

I've been with someone over 10 months now, we met online and became friends and the relationship developed from there. We were both nearing the end of our current relationships but not looking for anyone else, it just happened that way. I discovered over time that she had a pretty complicated online life and had affairs online and used to flirt with guys but she promised all that was over now she'd met me.

I found out a month or so ago one of her ex-online interests had been in touch and had asked her now she was about to split from her husband would she go see him in the USA. Rather than simply say no, I'm with someone now, she actually contemplated that. I only know as I found chat logs on her pc. She actually thought about going, even though it would have meant the end of us. It tore me apart... I felt sick and betrayed... So I confronted her, and she didn't see it as important! She said she made her choice to stay with me and that was that... but it never would be would it.

When that person betrays that trust by breaking promises, not once, not twice, but three times, what does that say about that relationship? What does it say about how that person must feel about you? If they can't keep a promise to you then do they really care about your feelings at all?

When they have done something they know hurt you badly, something that almost broke your heart. Then promise to never do it again, then subsequently go and talk to that person again only weeks later behind your back hoping you'll never find out, how could they not understand how much pain they have caused you? How could they not understand the feeling of betrayl?

When you discover you have been betrayed like that, the coldness that rushes over your body is like ice being poured over your naked flesh. Your skin burns like fire, the nausea that fills every part of your gut makes you weak, the confusion that takes over your mind and feeling to total despair is not easy to describe but forces you into a state of disbelief and fills you with the desire to run away to some cold dark corner away from anyone else.

So, if two people say they love each other completely, promise to dedicate their lives to each other and explore everything together... is it really too much to expect that you can actually believe what they have said? That you can trust every dedication of love they have made to you? That you live without worry that they would never do anything to hurt you physically and mentally because they actually care about you?

I love her with all my heart, but am I simply asking for a broken heart, is this just a fantasy I should forget even though it would feel like my world had collapsed.

Is it wrong to actually believe you can "Trust" someone?

[Cerby]

Once trust is gone, the relationship is over. This is how I see it.

Life is too short to give asshats a second chance. 10 months isn't so long that you can't just walk away.

[uk_guy]

Makes me feel sick thinking about this We are so good together in every other way... I really believed we were meant to be together, just felt like that.

[uk_guy]

So do you think it's impossible to learn to trust someone again or will there always be a seed of doubt there waiting to explode?

[adamh1]

I'm going through a similar thing at the moment mate.
My miss's went behind my back 3 times to talk to/see another bloke lying to my face each time.

All I will say is I have had a little while and I still don't trust her from the first time it happened. I don't think it ever comes back..... I think all that's left it's in place is cold resentment.
The main point to it will be that she will never be the same person to you.... the person you thought would never do that... now you know she is capable of it and the seed is there. It's up to you as to if you can deal with that or not.

[jb1111983]

Sorry mate, you're with the wrong person.

[chirping]

there is no rhyme or reason for staying in a relationhip that doesn't make you happy anymore.

if it makes you feel that bad, leave man. anyone who makes you feel that way doesn't deserve you

[oldskool83]

You can trust again but after some time you realize if you are not willing to trust people can smell your fear and you drive them away, they stay like dogs.

[devonbrown]

You have baggage now that you have to work through. You will trust someone again though once you realize that any new girl you date is not the same as the old one. Everyone comes with their own baggage and issues. We all just have to work through them.

Good luck.