Please help ne understand what she is thinking.

[SwimFish]

Recently my gf and I have gotten into an arguement, one of many in the past 3 to almost 4 years of dating. This time was the worst, she now wants a six months break. She says she is thinking about if she can be with me for the rest of her life. This time I'm willing to change for her. Not just something I am just saying but I really mean it this time. She said we can still hang out and talk but it feels like she just want to let me go slowly. She said 6 months of break, "if we were meant to be or not then ok." Those were her words. She also said I can't change in a day but I really have and would really make it work. Can you please help me with what this means and what she is thinking? What I should do?

Thank you,
Fish

[KingZ]

No, you can't really change in a day.

Yes, she's breaking up with you.

Let her go before you waste more time.

[Mathias]

Recently my gf and I have gotten into an arguement, one of many in the past 3 to almost 4 years of dating. This time was the worst, she now wants a six months break. She says she is thinking about if she can be with me for the rest of her life. This time I'm willing to change for her. Not just something I am just saying but I really mean it this time. She said we can still hang out and talk but it feels like she just want to let me go slowly. She said 6 months of break, "if we were meant to be or not then ok." Those were her words. She also said I can't change in a day but I really have and would really make it work. Can you please help me with what this means and what she is thinking? What I should do?

Thank you,
Fish

She's being lame, but yeah, she's dumping you.

Just cut it off completely. Plus, it seems like she wants you to change a lot. You're not what she's looking for. Find someone else.

[SwimFish]

So there is nothing I can do to change this?

[Mathias]

So there is nothing I can do to change this?

Nope. Anything you do now will seem either:

1. A desperate attempt at getting her back
2. Temporary

She's made up her mind. Don't make it a pain in the ass - you're not going to get anywhere.

[smartguy]

Recently my gf and I have gotten into an arguement, one of many in the past 3 to almost 4 years of dating. This time was the worst, she now wants a six months break. She says she is thinking about if she can be with me for the rest of her life. This time I'm willing to change for her. Not just something I am just saying but I really mean it this time. She said we can still hang out and talk but it feels like she just want to let me go slowly. She said 6 months of break, "if we were meant to be or not then ok." Those were her words. She also said I can't change in a day but I really have and would really make it work. Can you please help me with what this means and what she is thinking? What I should do?

Thank you,
Fish

I dont know what she will decide in six months when she is not able to decide that in 4 Years....
She is trying to ignore you...
better you cut off and save your time...
Dont hang with her again which will waste your money and time...

[Wakeup]

Well, I can only say that if I loved someone that was doing things that were detrimental to my well being, then I would not enable them to be a shit and I would leave them and I wouldn't return to them until it was proven, without a doubt that they had changed and just using words to say you've changed would NEVER be enough.

You don't say what the problem was other than that she wants you to change what is it she wants changed and why has it taken you 4 years of doing the same thing before you were willing to change it? Can you get some kind of therapy or classes to help you with this that would prove to her through action that you are finally serious about the change?

Anyway, I'm thinking your relationship is finished and you'd do best to take those classes or that therapy for YOURSELF and not her so that you change for good (and not just 'say' you are going to) so that in your next relationship, the same problems do not crop up.

My advice.. tell her that its a clean break and breakup so that you both can move on properly, take time to learn to be the best you that you can be. Tell her she can call you in six months and if you're still single you'll consider dating her again then.

[oldskool83]

6 months is awhile, shes prob sick of your shit honestly and want to really think if she wants to be with you, anytime there is a break there will be other things going on, trust me. i mean you can let her have her break and im sure your gonna find yourself in situations and honestly ya might as well go for them too, she wants to be off right now.

[SwimFish]

She also said to take it slow, and to hang out still. She also said she loves me. I would really like for this relationship to work. I would go to the ends of the earth to change or what ever it takes.

[oldskool83]

then prov it and do what evers upsetting her, if it works great, if not you'll be better in the end anyway. if its somthing as simple and anger issues make some calls today and prove shit to her.

[HeartIsAching]

What is it you're doing that you're finally willing to change? What makes you think you just "change" this behavior that you couldn't or were unwilling to do before?

Yes, she's breaking up with you... she's being passive about it with the "six month break", but that's what she's doing. Probably thinks she's letting you down easy.

[Wakeup]

She also said to take it slow, and to hang out still. She also said she loves me. I would really like for this relationship to work. I would go to the ends of the earth to change or what ever it takes.

Really? You'd go to the ends of the earth yet you don't even say What the hell is it that you need to change (where she needs no changing) to make it right with her? If you want to prove to her that you have "changed" then you'll get therapy or you'll take classes to show her that you have put your money where your mouth is and aren't just blowing smoke up her ass.

Did you beat her? Are you an alcoholic? Drug abuser? Do you emotionally abuse her? I see you are avoiding the question.

[Mathias]

She also said to take it slow, and to hang out still. She also said she loves me. I would really like for this relationship to work. I would go to the ends of the earth to change or what ever it takes.

You really don't want to listen to anyone in here, do you?

[SwimFish]

Thank you all for your advice. It is my anger issues. That's all. I'm doing whatever it takes right now to correct it. I have started reading books and I am about to enroll in a course for anger management. I don't hit her or anything, its just my anger. Besides the anger, we have had good times. I'm doing all I can to change and whatever it takes to change myself. The situation seems different too. Its not just a typical break but she feels that "if we get back together than we will be together forever." So it seems like she have not dated enough, just as I am only her 2nd BF. Maybe she feels like she needs to date more? I understand she will get someone better than me, or she might not. I treat her really well, its just my anger. I have not met a couple who did not ever had a fight, ever. To be honest I am lost. She tells me to date other people and she will do the same, she also tells me that she is not looking, just if it happens, then it happens. If we end up together, then we do. I am really at a lost. I also told her that are we really over than lets make it over right now. She said no we are not over and she is not thinking that far ahead and that I am making her head hurt by thinking too hard about it and its just a break. as simple as that. For both of us to take time to think about what we both want. If we end up together than ok, if not then ok, but let fate runs it course. She said we can still hang out and call each other. I'm torn between losing her and waiting six months. I am willing to wait, I also told her that to end it if that's what she wants but she said she doesn't, just let fate takes its course.

[Wakeup]

Swimfish: Just concentrate on your classes and work towards making you the best you that you can be for now. Try to forget about her and the fact that she'd like to have her cake and eat it too.


You only have two choices here that you have 100% control over: You don't have any control over her or what choices she makes.

1. Accept the break while you work on your self improvment and take a chance that she'll come back to wanting an exclusive relationship with you. Don't anticipate that outcome and you do this "if someone comes along I'll date them type thing" as well. Or...

2. Break up with her all together and get on with your self improvement and healing from your relationship breakup by going zero contact with her.

Choose while keeping in mind that the easiest choice isn't always in our own best interests.

Good luck.