Should I tell her how she made me feel?

[Sam A]

Hey guys/gals.

Alright, so recently I got back in touch with this 20 year old girl who i have been friends with for 4 years now, and also her fiance who i've known for the same amount of time. She's started flirting with me behind her fiance's back and I've never known her to be like that. She's always been a hyper, fun, loyal person and would never cheat on her fiance... But she's started flirting with me, touching my **** and even my penis behind her fiance's back.

Recently, they went on a "break" as her fiance couldn't live with her anymore. She wanted to go to the cinema with me not long after they decided to go on their break (obviously she was devistated but moved out none-the-less). So at the cinema, she kissed me loads and touched me. She admitted to me that she fancies me, and even said that she has fallen in love with me and is finding it hard to cope with loving 2 people.

I've liked her for a long time but never pursued her as her fiance is a very paranoid guy and I didn't want to give him any opportunity to worry. But anyway, she came to mine and we did many things which I won't get in to... Although we didn't do intercourse (but probably every other possible thing)...

She's recently started talking to this other guy as well and even had him come round to her house (this being the FIRST time she'd ever met him face to face). Knowing this really upset me and i wanted to burst into tears, even if they weren't doing anything it was obvious she was interested in this guy. So I text her fiance and told him that another guy was at her house (i probably shouldn't have but i really was upset and felt i had to) and he ended it with her completely... Then blamed me for splitting them up :/ yeaaa....

Me and this girl had a 4-day break from talking to eachother. When we decided to talk to eachother again, she admitted she didnt have feelings for me any more. This has devistated me as I actually loved her... And still do.

What I'm trying to figure out is... Should I tell her how bad she's made me feel? As I feel she has used me for the sexual activities as she wasn't getting much sex from her fiance near the end of it all. I know her and she would never use anyone for anything... But now i'm not too sure. She was so sweet towards me, just stared into my eyes and said "i love you"... but now suddenly after a 4-day break, she's changed her mind completely.

I find that really harsh as she made me realise my feelings towards her and now shes just basically f***ed me off... I admit I am a sensitive guy and this is just hurting me...

So, opinions... Should I tell her how she's made me feel: risking our friendship and our communications, or should I leave her and never let her know: risking my feelings??

Sorry for the essay, any help or opinions are greatly appreciated... thanks.

[smackie9]

She is a whore so if you dont want to get hurt then walk away. I have no magic advice to have her turn into a nice girl for you.....that's just a fairytale.

[Sam A]

Well from the 4 years that I've known her, she's been a lovely girl who would never dream of using anyone for anything. Suddenly shes changed... I wouldn't call her a whore, but shes definitely used me and I just feel so down about it

[LoveKorea]

I'm not entirely sure it'd be fruitful to do that. As I began reading this I was thinking definitely you should tell her because it's always at least enlightening if not useful to disclose but - she has closed the door to you probably because of anger.

She won't care about your feelings right now, maybe at some more stable point in the future but not now.

She has already manipulated and used you once and she might do it again especially because:

Desperate situations make people do things they thought they'd never do. That's why your 'lovely girl' has turned so nasty. Her marriage has fallen apart before it's even started, love makes people go crazy and they can become different and altogether less pleasant people.

You can't really help her through this much as a friend because the whole brief fling you had with her has muddied the water, and it's clear there's not going to be any romantic involvement from now on. She's gone a little off the rails by the sounds and probably could use a helping hand, but not from you, and you might just have to live with the wounds she's inflicted on you because you probably can't expect a great deal of remorse from her right now.

[smackie9]

She`s older now and she realizes there's much more to play with out there so marriage is looking like a drag. She is an attention whore, and like the power she has over guys....she feels sexy and attractive.....it a trip for her. Guess what, people change!

[IncognitoSir]

Neither of you "love" love each other. She's 20 and was engaged to get married huh? She can't manage a relationship let along a marriage. Good thing it fell apart before she made a REAL mistake. Stop wasting your time with her, move on.

[HeartIsAching]

Couple of points:

1. She hasn't "made" you feel anything. You choose your own feelings, and you're responsible for your own feelings.

2. She's a cheating whore. She's going to do the same thing to anybody she's with - thank god you found out now.

3. Run.

[Sam A]

I have told her how I felt now as she brought up the subject of fancying this guy she had round at hers (which in turn ended her relationship with her fiance). This is all about 2-3 weeks ago and already she fancies this guy... I have severed my communications with her for now and decide to do so for a while. I know I sound kind of pathetic in this whole situation, but i'm new to love and haven't experienced much in the ways of relationships...

Basically i've stopped talking to her for now in the hope that one day she will realise how she's changed and made me feel... What hurt me even more though is the fact that she DIDNT understand how she made me feel :/ quite sad really. Thanks for the opinions though people

[smackie9]

She will never see that or even care to......she only thinks of herself. She doesn't want feelings of love she wants sexual attention from guys.....many guys, everywhere she goes. Yes you are inexperienced and we are telling you what you should know because we are experienced with this sort of thing. You even say you are pathetic, so turn those feelings off for her, for you will only mess yourself up even further if you don't.....they are giving you nothing but false hope.

[devonbrown]

Just so I understand -

- Your buddy's fiance started coming onto you.
- Your buddy and his fiance went on a "break."
- You got together with the fiance when she was free of any commitment.
- The fiance also got together another guy when she was free of any commitment.
- You told your buddy about the other guy (out of spite) which pissed him off.
- The fiance now says she doesn't want to be with you but possibly the other guy.

I mention these points, because other than her flirting with you inappropriately when she was engaged to your buddy, she didn't really do anything wrong. She had some casual fun when she was free of her commitment. The fact is that you took her casual fun to mean much more than it was and now you are upset about it.

That's okay. It happens. But telling her how hurt you are or anything like that is really just a waste of time and will only serve to make you more miserable.

Learn from the experience and move on. Look for other potential dating partners and try to toughen your skin a little bit. If you get that hurt over every potential relationship that doesn't go your way, you will never be able to find the one relationship that does make you happy.

[Sam A]

Thanks for the opinions and tips guys, I really appreciate it. Thing is, she told me last night that she fancies this guy now (the guy who she had round at hers).

So I've cut our connections. I told her how she made me feel saying how much she loved me and then just saying she doesnt anymore. I've fancied her secretly for ages and it's just really hard for me to have finally gotten a chance, then she blows it off...

I have taken in what you've all said and again, i appreciate it greatly. But I've made my decision now and that decision is to not speak to her for a while (but will again eventually).

[MerryH]

I don't understand all your talk about her using you, and how she doesn't understand how much she hurt you, and how she's blown you off, as if you did nothing at all to deserve this from her. You meddled in her private affairs and made things difficult for her. That was a total dick move, and I don't know how you're not connecting your actions with the fact that she doesn't like you anymore. You did something juvenile and spiteful, and this is the result.

[jb1111983]

You both are on the wrong, mate. She tried to have some fun with you behind her fiance. Her fiance broke up with her because of you telling him about the new guy. I do think that she's a little too immature for a serious relationship from what I get from you, but maybe she did like you for a while there. If she did, you blew off your chances with her by interfering in her private affair. But not a big loss. She's not as lovely as you think she is. She's not lovely at all. Hope you learnt something from this.

[Sam A]

Aye... I know i was stupid to get involved, i just felt compelled... I realise I've made a mistake and I'm paying for it. But hey, we learn by things like this so i'll know for next time

[MaidenMinx]

Aye... I know i was stupid to get involved, i just felt compelled... I realise I've made a mistake and I'm paying for it. But hey, we learn by things like this so i'll know for next time

I think the word compelled is a bit weak. Come on man! Be proper honest, you felt jealous and possibly guilty. I only bring this up for you because you can't learn from something you lie to yourself about.