Was I to needy?

[tomtom8p]

My ex and i recently broke up. We both knew that things just weren't working. Now I want to figure out what role I played.

I am starting to worry that i was too needy at the same time I feel like my emotions were justified so i need another perspective.

At first everything was great we gave eachother tons of attention. After 3 months i went away for 5 weeks, at first she needed a lot of attention so I can gave it to her and I didn't have a problem with that. When I came home she started to get really busy with work (she has 3 jobs). That is when things changed. We would only see each other around 3 times a month for a few hours, and we would only text around 3 times a week. She also stopped showing me much affection which I had grown used to.

When I first came back i was adjusting and I was texting her a lot, she said I was being to clingy so i decided to take a step back and let her text me first when she was ready. I would go for days at a time without getting a single message. I asked her to text me once a day because I understood that she was busy and didn't always have time. I thought one text was reasonable, just a goodnight or a something. But she didn't no matter how much I would ask.

I started to get worried and i would ask her things like do you miss me (which would always make her upset) but i wanted to hear her say it because she wouldn't say it unless I asked. I asked her to show me more affection but she would say the honeymoon phase is over.

She had always told me that she was too tired to talk many days but Eventually I found out that she had time to text her friends she just didn't have time for me. Did I push her away by being to needy. I will concede that towards the end I did get mad at her a lot but only because I just wanted her to pay attention to me and it seemed like no matter what I said she wouldn't support me even though she knew I was having a rough time being so disconnected from her.


Obviously there are 2 sides to this story but I really think I was justified in acting the way i did. The crazy thing is that she used to tell me she wanted to spend her life with me.

[irishgerry]

I dont think you were, you told her the issues you had and she didnt address them. Usually when someone is leaving a relationship they pull back which is what she did, this made you try and pull her back in so you prob became more needy then usual. Its normal and its nothing to be annoyed about. You two just had your limit of the relationship so you can count yourself lucky that you didnt put more in to it.

[Enchanté]

it's normal to want more from someone you are in a relationship with if they aren't giving you what you deserve. granted, there's a line, but simple contact and communication is not asking for too much, that's asking for the bare minimum of a relationship. I went through a similar situation--my ex eventually stopped telling me all the affirming things, stopped texting as much, etc, and when I finally asked him about it he said he just didn't feel it was worth it. Bottom line is people's feelings can change. and that's so hard to accept if you weren't on the same page with them. But you weren't being needy, you just wanted her to treat you as anyone should be treated in a relationship.