For those with children?

[JadenMia]

I am going through a really rough patch with my daughter who turned 3 in April. Ugh, i am at wits end with her and really not enjoying my days with her right now...It sounds awful to say i know.

All day everyday, she is beginning to whine. She will whine and cry when she wants something, even if its something at arms length and she just doesnt want to reach to get something, she will whine! I ask her to use her words and just say what it is, she seems to understand and will then say, 'please can i have....etc'
But then a few minutes later she will do it again. What is the best strategy to get her to stop the whining all the time? I dont mind when she is crying or wants something. Its just the constant whining it just is really getting me down right now

Second thing being, bedtime. Ahhh bedtime my worst part of my day.
She has always been in such a great bedtime routine, bath, book, bed. But lately she just will not sleep. She will scream and tantrum and use things to try get out of bed. She will cry shes hungry, thirsty, needs the bathroom as soon as she goes to bed. When she is in bed, she just sits in there and shouts me over and over. Keep running out of her bed..I dont know.

If anyone could give me some good tips or advice that helps you with your little ones that would be awesome!!! Thanks

[MaidenMinx]

She's after extra attention, hun. She doesn't care what form it comes in either. That and she is in what mum calls the traumatic 3's.

I'm torn between suggesting that it's her reacting to your emotional upheaval of late or the just as likely possibility that she is just testing the boundaries like 3 year olds are prone to do.

My boy goes through phases where he just doesn't seem to want to just ask for things, he has to whine about everything and I know exactly how you feel. When my boy gets like this, all I want is a break from him. It is just a phase and you will get through it. Remember to breathe, and if you need to at times, go to your room and scream into a pillow.

[MaidenMinx]

Oh and on the bed thing, how much patience have you got?

I suggest, put her to bed, usual routine leave the room. Make sure she has a water with her and that she's been to the toilet or whatever other excuse she can think of covered. When she starts yelling for you, go in and sit on the bed with her. Don't look at her, don't touch her, just be there. Leave when she settles. The next night, sit further down the bed. Keep working your way down the bed until you are sitting at the foot of it with your back to her. Move on to a chair outside her door for a few nights. By this time she will learn to self settle but will be completely reassured that you are there and she is safe.

[Wakeup]

I agree with MM.

All day everyday, she is beginning to whine. She will whine and cry when she wants something, even if its something at arms length and she just doesnt want to reach to get something, she will whine! I ask her to use her words and just say what it is, she seems to understand and will then say, 'please can i have....etc'
But then a few minutes later she will do it again. What is the best strategy to get her to stop the whining all the time?

Any attention is attention. Even when you get frustrated and tell her "use your words" she's getting you to notice her.

Book a play date with her and play Barbies or take her to the park and play on the swings with her. Find her a playmate and book a playdate for them to have lunch together and have time to play together for an hour or so afterwards.

I suspect she's notice your sorrow and preoccupation and likely you've not been giving her the attention that any child her age requires.

As for bedtime: Minx's suggestion is a good one. I used it on my own daughter when she first transitioned from the crib to a "big girl bed" and after three nights of unbending the rule you need to keep (that of not engaging her in ANY conversation accept "time to sleep" and no cuddling in her bed with her)... she slept through the night until 7 in the morning.

She's at an age that she needs to know that you love her but you'll not let her bully you. I think Kids need boundaries and structure to be happy so the quicker you get her back to her bedtime routine the faster she'll be a happy little camper during the day.

[JadenMia]

Thanks Maiden, it does seem to be her looking for attention it seems and probably something to do with it being such an emotional time for me. Im trying my hardest to be patient with her, and i want to hug her and tell her its okay, but i dont want to feed into the bad behaviour.. Sigh. Motherhood. haha

Im defnitely going to try the bedtime thing too, right now i have been making sure all her excuses are covered. Then putting her to bed then sitting outside the room. The minute i walk away, her lights go on and she is happily playing away. lol! Im going to try being in the bedroom to stop this and let her know i am here. Thanks hun!!!!

She was such a well behaved 2 year old, i thought i had got off lightly. Spoke too soon i guess

[MaidenMinx]

Wake ups last paragraph is a particularly good point. I don't want to scare you but if you lose your authority over her now it will be a fight to get it back. Keep telling her to use her words, keep rewarding good behaviour and diverting negative behaviour.

Umm also look for a DVD called 123 magic. It's a brilliant discipline DVD.

[Kiechi]

Why don't you trade her in for a new toaster?

[JadenMia]

Oh thanks wakeup, i never saw your post. Well, she is a busy girl to be honest, we both are. At 7 in the morning she goes to daycare, which her best friend (its so cute!!) goes too. So she is super busy and happy about that, she absolutely LOVES it. Which gives me peace of mind when im at work.
Then by 5 we are heading home, making supper, getting in the bath, spending an hour or so together just mucking around then its bedtime. On our days off, which is 1 or 2 a week, we visit friends, spend the day at the lake, water slides, park etc.
I feel guilty as i dont get to spend as much time with her as id like, but its not an option. So i always make the best of the time i do have with her.

For the bedtime routine, she has always been amazing at going to bed, which is why im just not used to this. I had no problems at all transitioning her to her big girl bed, she liked the lights off, me out of the room and she was fast on when i left the room! I will be trying that option out so thanks alot. Last night i tried, it didnt work. More persisitance i need thats for sure.
I want to keep her behaviour under check for sure, she isnt shy and is very outgoing and high energy so i can foresee if i let her out of control, things will spiral. haha