Checking out other women?

[SleeK]

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I'm going to be 19 and he's 17. At the start of our relationship he would occasionally blurt out how someone on TV/a movie was hot, and then say "I mean, not as hot as you". Well now it is still occasional that it happens but has seemed more frequent. Now if he sees an image or an attractive woman on TV he will say "OOOOO!" and seem excited. Like today, for example, we passed Victoria's Secret in the mall and he saw the huge posters of the women and he went "oooo!". I sarcastically said "thanks" when he commented on the posters and then he said "what, I can't help it. It's just natural". Like he didn't apologize like he would have before when I'd get kind of offended. and I still thought it was rude though because he openly has been making remarks about other women in front of me. and a couple weeks before that we were watching a movie and a scene came up with girls in skimpy clothes/underwear and he had the same excited reaction. Otherwise our relationship is so good and he is attracted to me, he says I am beautiful/pretty, and it's not like he isn't sexually interested in me either because he’s usually really into me and all over me. I know it seems stupid, but I still get offended because I am with him when it happens and of course in my mind I'd love to be the only woman he finds sexy or attractive. And I know they are just women in magazines, movies, etc. that he'd never have a shot with and I know I am attractive and that he loves me and is loyal but I still get offended. Is it normal that I feel that way? Are all guys like that? How can I stop getting offended when he comments about another woman or admires another woman?

[lahnnabell]

You should kindly ask him to refrain from commenting while you're present. It's one thing to ogle a hot chick around other guys, but it's rather disrespectful in the presence of other women, specifically a girlfriend or wife. If he can't respect this compromise then he's not worth the effort. You'll only get more and more frustrated with it. You might be better off finding a guy that can appreciate a woman's beauty or hotness without having to make a blatant statement about it. And he can go off and find a girl that doesn't find his behavior offensive.

[SleeK]

It doesn't happen all the time but when it does of course I still get offended. I am sure many women would if their boyfriend or husband was commenting so obviously on another woman. Sometimes I think he has low self esteem though or self confidence. Earlier tonight I was telling his mom when we saw an image of someone famous how one time when I found out that famous person was gay I said something like "why are all the hot guys gay?". so I wasn't sure if my comment prompted him to then say something about another woman as if in retaliation. But either way I personally think it's rude. When it happened with the movie we watched the one time I told him how it offended me. He seemed concerned about it, but partially I believe that was because he just couldn't grasp how or why I was offended or what was so wrong about what he did. He justified it by saying "you know I love you. I only said something because the girls in the underwear reminded me of you" (which I didn't believe) and also with "well my dad had the same reaction" when I don't believe his father did over that movie scene. I haven't told him to stop, but I believe I did one say something along the lines of "I want to be the only woman you find sexy and attractive" and he said something like "but I do find you sexy and attractive". Should I wait for it to happen again and then I say something? Or should I just tell him to knock it off ASAP. In that case, how would I bring that up?

[lahnnabell]

You should discuss it ASAP. Otherwise you're only going to put it off until it bothers you so much that you possibly explode. Strong relationships thrive on communication and honesty. If you're not communicating or being honest, how can you expect to have a successful healthy relationship with anyone?

I know you don't like to hear about the possibility of having to break up, but I can guarantee you that if you don't find some way to compromise it will only eat away at your foundation and you two will grow to resent one another. It'll be a longer, more painful break up that way.

[Wakeup]

it's human nature and he's a guy. He's going to look no matter you like it or not so when you have your talk with him have it the next time he "ooooo's" and calmly tell him that you understand why he appreciates the beauty in others it doesn't mean that you appreciate him being so verbal and obvious about it. Then just change the subject. He'll get it that you find it disrespectful. (don't let him get defensive about it either.) End of convo.. just don't answer any defensive come back from him and change the subject to something light and fun if he gets that way about his ogling.

After awhile of dating for a good length of time it won't bother you as much. I actually point out the hot ones to my guy now and he does the same for me.. good times for all .. lol

I want to be the only woman you find sexy and attractive"

Well that's not ever going to happen. Just because men and women happen to be in a relationship that we will be able to turn off what we find visually attractive. the fact that he's picked you means the most.

Loose that attitude of wanting to be the only person he finds attractive and you won't be as destroyed when you notice he finds another woman visually stimulating. Don't you ever see someone on T.V. or in the movies that you find attractive?

[MaidenMinx]

LOL wakeup, all my hubbys friends love me because I'll point out a nice arse before anyone else can comment. If comments get sleazy I'll roll my eyes or clear my throat and they'll apologise. If hubby gawks openly I'll tell him to be more subtle. It's not a big deal.

[rafterman]

Get the hint.Buy some lingere then he'll go "ooooo" at you. Its o.k to window shop, just no test driving.
And he's 17 too. He's going through changes if you know what I mean?

[surfhb]

Another thing to remember....he's really just a child. Once guys get older, they'll get a clue on this.

[MerryH]

I sarcastically said "thanks"

Stop doing this. It's passive-aggressive and infuriating and it solves nothing. Tell him in plain English when things bother you.

[SleeK]

I wear nice lingerie and he does really like it and compliment on it when he sees me in it. It's like sometimes I get mixed feelings about it. Cause I know it's natural to notice something attractive and he is only 17 and probably just super hormonal (well not probably, he is) but at the same time it's still rude he makes it so obvious, at least that's how I feel about it. Other women might not be bothered with it if their boyfriends or husbands would occasionally gawk at some hot model or actress etc. I mean sure I have seen other men who I think are cute/hot but I never make it so obvious that I am admiring them, especially when my boyfriend is with me. I think about it and almost think "well it's not that big of a deal. He is with me and loves me and not them and that's what matters." but if it is something that I don't like, like how he openly comments about women or goes "oooo!" when I'm around then I do have to tell him it bothers me. I can't stop him from admiring hot women, but I can inform him I think it's rude that he says stuff when I'm around and how I am not one of his guy friends and that he should respect me. I am going to wait to bring it up until I see him in person. Before I would text him about things that'd bother me and it'd turn into huge misunderstandings (which I should have known better, texting is awful to communicate about serious subjects). So I am going to wait until we see each other again and then I'll find a good time to discuss it. I'd hope he wouldn't get defensive, and if he does then I will just switch to another subject. But he can be immature sometimes and not see my side of things, so we will see how this goes. I would hope that he'd respect and try to understand what I have to say.

[maxmax]

I would think it'd be a bigger issue if he were doing it about other women you pass by in public etc ... but just at TV and posters? I don't think it's a huge issue.

And yes, he is only 17. Not an excuse, but good luck at getting him to not notice other women.

[tremolo]

I would probably dump a guy who was so openly disrespectful. I know men will look at other women and have thoughts about them, but as I explained to my ex boyfriend, I don't need to know just how excited other women are making him. Mature guys keep their thoughts to themselves - or to themselves and their guy friends. They don't make a commotion about it in front of their wives/girlfriends.

[maxmax]

I would probably dump a guy who was so openly disrespectful. I know men will look at other women and have thoughts about them, but as I explained to my ex boyfriend, I don't need to know just how excited other women are making him. Mature guys keep their thoughts to themselves - or to themselves and their guy friends. They don't make a commotion about it in front of their wives/girlfriends.

Agree that anyone who is mature enough and respects their partner would refrain from doing it altogether in the first place.

The same goes for women.

[SleeK]

I would think it'd be a bigger issue if he were doing it about other women you pass by in public etc ... but just at TV and posters? I don't think it's a huge issue.

And yes, he is only 17. Not an excuse, but good luck at getting him to not notice other women.

And that's how I see it too, as if it could be worse and it could be other women we know or see that we pass in public. They're just images on posters and TV so it's not an incredibly huge issue but it's still the fact that he has made comments when I am with him. It's rude to gawk in front of me. Which I don't think he understands how it makes me feel so I have to explain that to him.

[maxmax]

Which I don't think he understands how it makes me feel so I have to explain that to him.

That's the most important thing. Talk to him, tell him you don't enjoy it, and let him know you'd like it to stop.

It's not a big ask.