Continually Turned Down By Women

[Yet another guy]

Would you tell a girl you dont want to see her again because her breath smells? If so, youre some kind of Asshole!

I would not reject a girl because her breath smells. But I probably would mention it to her.

[maxmax]

I would not reject a girl because her breath smells. But I probably would mention it to her.

If a mint or a piece of gum doesn't fix it, I definitely would.

In fact, I have.

[richardwordoff]

Getting back on track...

[oldskool83]

dont ask why you were rejected, deep down you know why, its normaly 1 of 3 things, she doesnt see you in a partner way, is not attracted to you more then a friendly smile or its somthing to do with you. plenty of others out there, they make new women and men everyday.

[richardwordoff]

So did I ask any of them out in a stupid way (enough for them to reject)?

A somewhat unrelated question: with the girl that rejected me in #4, could I still try and salvage what's left of that so we could at least remain an acquaintance or "friend"? It couldn't hurt and she may end up having some friends..
I never really explicitly asked her out so could I just play like I was dumb like I was just being (naively overly friendly) and send her a friend thing on facebook saying something like "hey I never heard from you? I wanted to know how you did on the exam"? I'm about 90% sure this is a stupid idea but does anyone else think it would be ok? I was originally planning on dropping it and just being friendly with her, via facebook or something.

[Andariel]

"

As far as the last couple of months go...
----1) My sister's friend had a sister that got dumped recently. I was basically begged by my sister's friend and a couple other people to ask her out (they said she wanted me to). I wasn't too crazy about her, and thought "what the hell, I'll give it a shot, I don't ever do this" (had been probably a year or two since I'd even attempted). Text messaged her, she agreed, acted [goofy, almost overly] enthusiastic. Two hours before we were supposed to meet up she sent me a text and said she got back together with the guy that dumped her. She was probably just looking for a rebound fling or something, but who knows.
----2) Asked girl I talked to 5+ times at a store I go to hang out so I could get to know her better. She said "(hesitation) Sure..!" Asked her when she got off work, that I'd call her later and discuss it further. She took my number but refused to give hers, saying "I'll contact you". Guess how that turned out.
----3) Girl in a class I walked (and talked with obviously) to university parking lot with a few times. Asked me for help on an assignment and got my number. A couple hours after I left the library (helping her with assignment) I asked her if she wanted to go on a run with me (she is athletic, enjoys it). She texted me the next morning and said "let me know if you want to go for a run sometime!" Told her "yeah, let's do that. You going to be around the next couple of weeks?" Ignored.
----4) Girl in another class that sat next to me went back and forth between being friendly and [almost overly] talkative and acting cold (e.g. one or two word responses). Sent her an email telling her that if she wanted to study extra for the exam to let me know (was thinking if she was interested she wouldn't turn down an opportunity, but only wanted to email because I didn't want her to think I was more interested than I was). Did not respond. Kind of moved on to girl in 3) but last few days of the course she started being talkative again and joked with me a few times.
Day before our exam she was going on about how stressed she was to me and later on she sent me an email asking about how to do the remaining homework for the course. I told her about the HW, and asked her if she was feeling any better and she replied with a big paragraph of "thanks a lot! I did ___ and ___, blah blah so I feel a lot better now! Thanks for checking on me! I'll see you tomorrow!" An email along the lines of: "Thanks for the HW help. I'm feeling better now, thanks." would have been more appropriate for someone not interested, but that's just me.
Since I was kind of surprised at how she had started acting friendly again I didn't really know what to do with only the exam period left. I ended up finishing the exam and tore off a piece of paper and said "good luck! Send me a text when you finish xxx-xxx-xxxx". I could see how this would be awkward, but as you might guess, no response.

My take on your examples:
1) The girl had just been dumped by her boyfriend. She was obviously not over him but was making an effort to move on. When he came back, she chose to be with him. This has nothing to do with you.It was between the two of them. No reflection on you whatsoever. It could happen to anyone in your shoes.
2)Well, she was just a random girl you met at a store, you probably exchanged a few polite 'how are yous'' and stuff and then you asked her out completely out of the blue.Did she give you any kind of indication she was attracted to you or any sort of hint that she wanted to get to know you better?If not, then obviously when you asked her out she was probably a bit shocked and instead of telling you a flat out 'no' she was polite and asked for your number instead. Girls use that strategy aaaaall the time when they don't really want to go out with someone. Some girls won't even give you their number even if they actually like you(!!)-they will wait until you've been on a date first (trust methere are so many stalkers out there and once you've been burned a few times , you tend to grow very protective of your phone number!!!). I think this was just a case of a girl who was just chatting with you cuz she was polite and you misinterpreted that as her being interested. Again could happen to anyone. Maybe next time pay more attention to any signs that a girl is interested.
3) I think yout texting her just 2 hours after getting her number was a bit too much ('stalker alarm bells' going off-no offence! it's just what I would probably think if someone did that). If she had not responded at all after that text, I would understand why.She would have probably thought you were too pushy/a potential stalker! She did, however, respond in the morning which shows she wasn't too bothered by the timing of the first text. I can't really tell why she didn't respond to your text afterwards.Maybe she is just weird like that (!) or has a boyfriend or whatever.But when you responded to her text the second time, you did nothing wrong.
4)" Send me a text when you finish xxx-xxx-xxxx" The first bit sounds a bit like an order!Especially since you didn't know her all that well at that point. And all those kisses in the end where really too much, again particularly because you don't really know her THAT well. Leaving a note was a nice idea, thoughtfull and sweet.I think if you had been more chilled and avoided all those kisses(ie.' good luck with the exam.text me if you want to have a coffee when you're done' Note I did not put any kisses there!!!) you could have gotten a date there!

So I really don't think there is anything wrong with you based on the examples you gave.Maybe try to work on not sounding too pushy at times or perhaps wait until you have met a girl a bit better before you ask her out, just to make sure that the attraction is mutual and the girl is not just interested in being friends with you. Also, it is important that you stop thinking that there is something wrong with you and just keep telling yourself it will happen when you meet the right girl.Trust me, there is nothing that can turn a girl off more that low self-esteem and if you are thinking you won't get a date, then you probably won't because that lack of confidence has a way of showing!

Best of luck,mate! :-)

[richardwordoff]

1) Yeah, fair enough.

2) I had talked to her 4 or 5 times, although it would be days at a time before I would see her again. Small talk about the store, what her major was, etc. She was smiley, etc. but she IS a cashier. However I've spoken to other cashiers before and I could tell their smile was the phony "you're a customer" smile. I just told her I thought she seemed like an interesting person and if she would like to hang out. Can't be anymore casual and harmless than that right? The reason why I asked her so early was that a couple years ago there was a girl at a store I frequented and I talked to her a bunch of times and was waiting just a little longer to ask and when I was finally ready to ask her she had quit the job. So, I asked her before the same could happen again. How can you know if you like someone or not if you don't go out with them, even casually (like them beyond physical attraction of course)?

3) She got my number earlier, send me a text asking me to come help her like 6 hours later. I helped her for a couple hours, then couple hours after we were done I asked. Still sorta bad, but what should I have done?

4) The x's were not "kisses". xxx-xxx-xxxx is how I was anonymously putting a phone number down in this post. I did put my real number down on the note

[oldskool83]

maybe you need to not ask them out or somthing, honestly last 4 girls i was with ive never asked out, i just hang out with um more and shit goes from there. current gf one day said i was her bf and told everyone at work that...maybe your trying too hard.

[Andariel]

1) Yeah, fair enough.

2) I had talked to her 4 or 5 times, although it would be days at a time before I would see her again. Small talk about the store, what her major was, etc. She was smiley, etc. but she IS a cashier. However I've spoken to other cashiers before and I could tell their smile was the phony "you're a customer" smile. I just told her I thought she seemed like an interesting person and if she would like to hang out. Can't be anymore casual and harmless than that right? The reason why I asked her so early was that a couple years ago there was a girl at a store I frequented and I talked to her a bunch of times and was waiting just a little longer to ask and when I was finally ready to ask her she had quit the job. So, I asked her before the same could happen again. How can you know if you like someone or not if you don't go out with them, even casually (like them beyond physical attraction of course)?

3) She got my number earlier, send me a text asking me to come help her like 6 hours later. I helped her for a couple hours, then couple hours after we were done I asked. Still sorta bad, but what should I have done?

4) The x's were not "kisses". xxx-xxx-xxxx is how I was anonymously putting a phone number down, for ex: 555-555-5555

I guess it's hard to tell if someone is interested.Kudos for trying with girl #2-it was just a case of her not being interested.Could have happened to anyone.Don't beat yourself up about it! :-) Like I said before, I thought your approach with girls #3 and #4 was a bit pushy (especially with girl #4). Not sure if you can be friends with #4 after that note because really giving her your number out of the blue like that is a clear indication you are interested and since she hasn't been in touch, she doesn't see you that way so trying to contact her saying 'let's be friends' will probably creep her out.If you run into each other, play it totally cool, and talk to her like nothing happened. You may need to do that quite a few times before (if ever) she feels comfortable enough with you to want to be friends.You would have to wait unti she clearly shows you/tells you that she wants to hang out with you. Trying to get her to be friends is not going to work. You just need to chill and maybe she will want to be friends at some point, or not.

[richardwordoff]

What would I have done differently with #3 and #4? i didn't think I did much wrong wih #3 and #4 I wanted to see if she would contact me or not. If she did I was going to try small talk and depending on that ask her what she was doing that afternoon. To be honest I thought she was going to come in later so I was going to ask her about it before the exam started.

You're right though, it would be hard to play it off like I was just being friendly. I wish I had thrown in something about emailing me or at least say "send me a text and tell me how you did!". I kind of doubt I'll see her again to be honest so I guess the only way I'd ever talk to her would be facebook or something.


I hear all this talk about being confident but my approach on #4 was too confident? Even if it was, wouldn't she have contacted me if she had been somewhat interested? Ugh, why was she being so talkative if she didn't like me?

[Andariel]

maybe you need to not ask them out or somthing, honestly last 4 girls i was with ive never asked out, i just hang out with um more and shit goes from there. current gf one day said i was her bf and told everyone at work that...maybe your trying too hard.

I think oldskool83 is right about trying too hard and maybe just try simply hanging out with a few girls for a while without asking them out/making it clear too soon that you want to date them. A lot of the time this is how you actually get a gf/bf. You hang out for a while, do stuff together as friends and then one thing leads to another and ta daaaa...you get together!Why not try this to see how it works out?You've tried the other approach (asking them out straight up) and it hasn't really worked. How about you just don't try to ask a girl that you like out, play it cool and just enjoy her company and get to know her better?That's how a huge number of people get into relationships.

[richardwordoff]

All I am doing is trying to hang out with them, but I still have to ask them to do that. Seeing someone at her job and talking isn't hanging out and neither is being in a class with them. I asked the cashier if she wanted to "hang out". Girl #3 I asked to do a very casual activity. I really don't know how else you hang out with people.

Ugh, damnit. I should have told the girl in #4 bye and just added her to facebook or something and talked to her more that way for a while. She would probably reject a friend request now..

Oh, Andariel, the cashier didn't ask my number, I handed it to her.