'One That Got Away'

[Lexia]

I'm new here and have been having a look round to see if anyone else has written about something similar, just to see their thoughts. I warn you now this could be a long post, but hey: what love story is ever short and simple?

I'm 30. Basically, I have been 'in love' 3 times in my life (thats separate from other various boyfriends and crushes or whatever I've had).

The first boy, lets call him 'M' was from when I was 13 until 16. We never went out because of various obstacles.) I call him the 'Unrequited First Love'. Won't go into detail though for that time I was utterly besotted and only got my 'closure' about him a few years ago when we talked again and he explained some stuff I'd need to know (a.k.a: why did we never get together?).

The second and third loves happened sort of at the same time.

I am still with the second, (D), over a decade later: now happily engaged. I guess he is what people call 'The One'

The third is (B), and he is the 'One That Got Away'. So 12 years later, I still have not really had closure, and every so often have periods of nostalgia where I go back and read my numerous and lengthy diary entries about him. I wish I could get that closure, because it seems a bit ridiculous to be thinking about B all this time later.

Basically it went down like this. I went to a different country on a high school exchange for a year. At that school, I was friends with one boy (B) in my class who had a girlfriend and was cool etc but I didn't think much of it.
After I'd been there 6 months, school let out for summer. On the first weekend of summer break, on a camping trip with some class friends, I met the best friend of one of my friends. He attended an out of town school where he boarded and I'd never met him before. The first time I laid eyes on him (D), I was instantly drawn to him. Over the next 3 days, despite neither of us speaking the other one's language very well, he managed to charm me completely, without even trying to or meaning to. So for the rest of summer break, I spent my time falling hard for him, and fast.

Because of my experience with my First Love M, i.e I was madly in love with him, I could tell there was something there, he felt something for me, but he never went out with me, despite my asking; I was damaged. I didn't want to go down that route again. So toward the end summer break I made a conscious decision to try to forget about this D, just be friends etc, and avoid all the hurt and heartbreak I knew only too well from before.

Back at school in the fall, B began spending more time in my circle of friends. I was in most of his classes, anyway, so we saw each other a lot. I learnt that he'd broken up with his girlfriend over summer. He had heard that I'd been pining over this guy called D, and kept asking if D hadn't come to his senses yet and given me a chance. B began flirting with me, during class, between classes... any old time, and I have to say I did the same. It got to a point where was a lot of sexual tension in the air between us. We grew closer as friends as I got to know him better. I cried as he told me the story of how he had lost his twin brother at age 14. He had a way of connecting with people, was very perceptive and seemed to be able to guess things about me that other people couldn't. It turns out, I was falling for him. Not suddenly and obviously like with D, but slowly and almost imperceptibly. I didn't even recognize it.

Fast forward to the end of my exchange year, my going away-slash birthday party. I had faced facts that I would never be with D. I cried and hugged him as he left to go home, thinking I'd never see him again.
B, rather drunk, had spent the evening swinging from a) randomly kissing some girl from our class, to b) telling me how there was someone in the building (D) who loved me and who I loved, and how I couldn't ignore that. I told him 'no, D's made it clear he doesn't want to be with me. I've let it go.'. B ended up confessing that he actually loved me. We talked heaps, then 'made love' under the stars, then went back inside and I slept in his arms.

I had only a few days left in the country, at the school. I spent as much time as I could with B. He gave me a love 'poem' he'd written me (still have it), hugged and kissed me, told me he loved me and then had to say goodbye to me as I got in the car headed for the airport.

I did go back to the country (for D, but thats another story). Over the years I saw B a few times, at friend's parties etc. Our meetings were always strained. We talked a couple of times long distance over the phone, where I tried to understand what had happened and he basically let me know I'd 'made my choice': D over B. Later, when he got into a serious relationship, he asked me to try not to contact him too often.

My problem: all these years later, I still can not get over him 100%. I am totally committed to D, and actually wish I could just 'get over' the whole B thing. Only B was so much more than just some crush, he was so much to me, and I only understood little by little over the years, in hindsight, that at the time it was love happening between us and I didn't even realise it. Often I realise I still, deep down, love him, because there is no reason not to. Of course that doesn't mean I've about to drop my life with D and run to him. Its just always there, somewhere inside me. Will it ever pass?

Anyone, have you had to 'choose' like that before, or deal with a long term (years) nostalgia over a past love, and how have you dealt with it?

[TheChris]

A beautiful story, thank you for sharing that with us. It's inspirational to those of us that cling to hope after years of being away from those we love.

Though I can not say that MY OWN story happens to be anything like yours, I can however state that my experiences in the grand scheme of life have been drawn to fit and embrace the characteristics of this (B). The finding and bonding of one that seemed to come out of no-where, but feel so right when that love happened to blossom in the manner, one could never have anticipated. I lost that love, long ago. She was everything I wanted... And I only had a taste... before I had to leave her behind.


I want to narration further...but after years of looking back to what could have been... it just hurts TOO much to say another word. All I know is, that I could have been happy with her... I could have been.


I hope (B) has found happiness. I am still looking back after all these years... I wish I could have held on...just a second longer.

[Lexia]

Thank ou for your reply. I am learning reaaaaally slowly (over years) to look forward rather than backward... I wish you happiness in your endeavours too.