Getting to know women you barely know (building rapport)

[Yet another guy]

Yet another guy: yes you would think that, but at least from what I've observed personally women aren't too receptive to dates if they don't know you (college age women; older women may be different).

From what I've observer, women (single) aren't too receptive to dates ever.

[IndiReloaded]

[QUOTE=richardwordoff;744791Thanks for mentioning it, but I don't really think I'd care much for this "meetup.com" site you're talking about. I don't really need friends or more things to do, there isn't anything lacking with what I'm doing right now, with the exception of some occasional female company that is. .[/QUOTE]

Okay, well if you stick w/the path you are on you'll eventually get where you are going (nowhere). If you want a female who reads and games, then you're on your way. Not sure how you'll actually meet her tho.

I'm surprised the gym and softball aren't more productive for you. Are you participating in the after-game events?

Are you sure you aren't a troll looking for ideas for another site?

[richardwordoff]

No, I'm not a troll. Do you think I've got nothing better to do than piss away a few hours typing up detailed, made up responses? Are you sure you're not a smartaleck?

If I have to go do a whole bunch of activities that I hate or do activities I'm just fine doing by myself to be around other people then what is the point (er, compound sentence)? A big part of this thread is asking how to develop relationships with women you meet out doing things. Since none of my activities lend themselves to meeting women, that's why I've been talking about meeting them in public places (university course, restaurant, etc.)
Also, I didn't say I wanted women who liked reading and video games. I said that is what I like to do. I have only seen one "gamer girl" before in my life that I thought was attractive. Plus, have you ever seen the people that are in "gaming" clubs? It isn't like they're swarming with women.

Not sure what sort of "productivity" you're discussing about in regard to weight lifting and softball. Weight lifting doesn't have after-session events and nobody does anything after our games end. Once we're done we go home. As for softball, even if the team went out to eat or something afterwards how does that help you meet women? Are we going to go to the bar and try to pick up chicks as a team? It's not like women just hang around the field ready to be talked to.

Yet another guy: if single women want a date they usually signal it pretty heavily. Doesn't seem like they just go out on dates to give people chances. My perception anyway.

MaidenMinx: thanks, you've actually posted thoughtful responses to the thread.

[HeartIsAching]

If I have to go do a whole bunch of activities that I hate or do activities I'm just fine doing by myself to be around other people then what is the point (er, compound sentence)? A big part of this thread is asking how to develop relationships with women you meet out doing things. Since none of my activities lend themselves to meeting women, that's why I've been talking about meeting them in public places (university course, restaurant, etc.)
Also, I didn't say I wanted women who liked reading and video games. I said that is what I like to do. I have only seen one "gamer girl" before in my life that I thought was attractive. Plus, have you ever seen the people that are in "gaming" clubs? It isn't like they're swarming with women.

Not sure what sort of "productivity" you're discussing about in regard to weight lifting and softball. Weight lifting doesn't have after-session events and nobody does anything after our games end. Once we're done we go home. As for softball, even if the team went out to eat or something afterwards how does that help you meet women? Are we going to go to the bar and try to pick up chicks as a team? It's not like women just hang around the field ready to be talked to.

Yet another guy: if single women want a date they usually signal it pretty heavily. Doesn't seem like they just go out on dates to give people chances. My perception anyway.

MaidenMinx: thanks, you've actually posted thoughtful responses to the thread.

You have NO activities that you like to do that women might like also? Don't do activities that you hate, that's just counter-productive.

If nobody's doing anything after your softball games, why not suggest something? "Hey guys, why don't we all go get pizza after the game next week" or SOMETHING, use your imagination, don't take that literally.

It really seems to me that you're finding excuses not to do things, instead of finding things to do. If you want to remain single, then you're on the right path. If not, grab your sack and ask a woman out, or find/create environments that you can meet women in.

My stepson BTW is HUGELY into RPG's; pen-and-paper based, card-based and computer based, as well as console games, and he met his current GF at a card-based RPG tournament... Magic the Gathering, I think. She's quite the cutie, too. The point is, quit giving up, quit making excuses, go out and DO.

[richardwordoff]

HeartIsAching:

No, not that I can think of. If there isn't a good movie I've got in mind to watch or somewhere to eat at I've got nothing. Notice I'm not talking about doing things like going to theme parks as you generally don't do things like that that often.

"If nobody's doing anything after your softball games, why not suggest something? "Hey guys, why don't we all go get pizza after the game next week" or SOMETHING, use your imagination, don't take that literally." That's not a bad idea for a team activity, but I thought we were talking about meeting women? Whether our team hangs out/whatever afterwards doesn't really matter to me. If we were doing something I'd go, but if we weren't I wouldn't care. Aside from just happening to meet a girl at the pizza place when they're there, I don't know how this would lead to anything. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with doing something like that, I just don't see how it would help the whole meeting women goal; I already go out to eat regularly anyway.

Well yeah, when the opportunity presents itself I ask women out (I'm trying to develop a standard approach, hence the creation of this thread). After one or two times though I run out of ideas and run out of conversation topics. I guess I may be making excuses and not wanting to admit that is what I'm doing, but it isn't like I don't do things. I meet plenty of women just doing normal things like going to restaurants. Like you said though, going out and doing things you don't like is counterproductive. That would mean going to parties and drinking would be out. That is where most people in college meet it seems like. You are going to make yourself look really bad if you go to a party, sit around disliking it and don't drink.

[MaidenMinx]

I think people may have possibly assumed you're on a mixed gender team for sports. Now that you have clarified that you aren't have you ever considered joining a mixed gender team? Or looking at other sports. Here in Aus guys are starting to play netball. Partially for the sport, partially for the chicks. And the gals love it!

[Yet another guy]

Yet another guy: if single women want a date they usually signal it pretty heavily.

I've never observed such behaviour. Maye I'm just too unattractive.

[IndiReloaded]

It really seems to me that you're finding excuses not to do things, instead of finding things to do. The point is, quit giving up, quit making excuses, go out and DO.

This^. You're just making excuses, Dick. You know it too.

[MaidenMinx]

I actually thought he was asking for more info and further clarification, rather than making excuses. Maybe that's just 'coz that's what I am inclined to do.

[Wakeup]

I'm wondering if he was bought up in a Monestary. Asking questions is one thing but this is quite another. OP: It's almost as if you've had zero experience out in society or in interpersonal interaction.

[IndiReloaded]

I actually thought he was asking for more info and further clarification, rather than making excuses. Maybe that's just 'coz that's what I am inclined to do.

Hmmm. Maybe.

[MaidenMinx]

Hmmm. Maybe.

Oh I fully realise it's just a maybe. I'm going through a phase of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. oops I might want to change my mood from cynical then, huh? :p

[surfhb]

You say you don't drink coffee, tea,alcohol smoke....nothing? Do you talk to people? What do you do? Get out more! Do something crazy and different. Please don't ask "like what ?"

Love and live a little

Get online and search for singles events in your area .... Join on online dating site like match.com.....go out and simply say hi to some girls you feel are attractive..... This isn't rocket science.

[richardwordoff]

surfhb: "You say you don't drink coffee, tea,alcohol smoke" Yes, that is correct.

"Do you talk to people?" Yes, every day.
"What do you do?" Activities (on a regular basis): "The only activities I really do are weight lifting, softball, reading, video games, movies." Every now and then I do other things, but not often. These are activities outside of "normal" stuff I do like university courses, going out to eat, etc.

"go out and simply say hi to some girls you feel are attractive" I've stressed that this is not something I do not have a problem with. I do, in fact, talk to girls I find attractive quite often and in most cases end up having at least a normal conversation with them. The problem is that I don't know where to go from there because past eating out or the occasional film I can't think of anything to do with women (excluding um... physical stuff).

I don't think a dating site is for me man, sorry. It's not like I want a girlfriend so bad I'll go out with anyone who pays me attention, and I definitely don't have money to spend on things like that. If there is a girl that I just so happen to be interested in, then yeah, I'll ask her out. What I won't do though is start asking girls out just because I "have" to have a girlfriend.

Plus, for any girl that is moderately attractive to be using a dating site there are potentially a number of things going on (or any combination of them at the same time): a) the girl is wacko and can't keep guys around her for long, b) the girl has had a couple terrible relationships and doesn't "trust" meeting men in the normal fashion (certainly possible but least likely), c) she has self esteem issues and is lonely, but hasn't liked any of the guys she meets in real life. This girl will probably end up being clingy or emotionally all over the place, d) is a normal girl (if this is the case though, then why does she have problems with all of the real-life guys around her?)

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MaidenMinx: "I actually thought he was asking for more info and further clarification, rather than making excuses." Thank you. She has the correct approach here.

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Yet Another Guy: I'm not too successful either, but I've seen how women act around guys they're interested in.

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Wakeup: "I'm wondering if he was bought up in a Monestary. Asking questions is one thing but this is quite another." What is quite another? I guess the level of detail I'm asking for?
"OP: It's almost as if you've had zero experience out in society or in interpersonal interaction." I've always had only two or three friends that I've actually done things with, but I have plenty of "situational friends", that is, people who I am on good terms with and you could technically consider us "friends" but we don't hang out together.
There are a couple things I have little to no experience with and those are: 1) "normal" college student activities like partying and 2) relationships with women.
1) I went to a few parties in middle school and didn't see the big deal. In high school I didn't really go to parties because a) I don't drink (dislike the taste and IMO getting drunk is stupid; I can't tell you how many shitty things have happened to people I know because of getting drunk) and b) quite frankly, I disliked most of the people in high school who did that sort of thing.
2) I went to a couple dances in middle school with girls, and there were probably a handful I could have "dated" (you can't really seriously date anyone in middle school) if I wanted to, but for whatever reason (worried about what people I tried to impress would think for example) I never tried to go any further than flirting.

Ever since then, I'd say there have been only THREE girls who have shown interest in me, and one of them doesn't count because she just wanted someone to rebound with (within 24 hours she had gotten back together with the guy who dumped her, we cancelled our planned activity and I never heard from her again). Only one of these girls ever did anything with me, and after a couple times of hanging out she lost interest. I've asked out plenty since middle school, probably 5 in high school, and 10+ in college and the only once that has had anything to do with me is the one I just mentioned. Just looking at me you wouldn't even think I was a geek or an introvert; maybe people are picking up on a vibe?

[surfhb]

Dude....you have some imagination and sense of humor! Yeah....i know you dont do those things....my point is you need to change your attitude. No one drinks because they like the taste...we drink because it gets a party going. Dont you get that?

I've stressed that this is not something I do not have a problem with. I do, in fact, talk to girls I find attractive quite often and in most cases end up having at least a normal conversation with them. The problem is that I don't know where to go from there because past eating out or the occasional film I can't think of anything to do with women (excluding um... physical stuff).

Seriously?! If this is your problem you need help bro! Take her to the beach, minature golf, picnic, hiking, scuba diving, museum, sky diving, fishing, cooking classes, lecture at a local college, snowboarding, surfing.....

Stop being a retard!