Help with workplace stress

[Deeza07]

I think I'm stressed. Currently working 50 hours a week over 5.5 days...I'm pretty much managing the family business, which is owned by my mother. I'm also a single mum, with a 9 year old at school. I'm experiencing sleepless nights, lots of aches and pains, forgetfulness, loss of appetite and I constantly feel anxious and sick.

I think its stemming from my inability to get through everything that needs to be done. My mother tells me something is a priority, so I go about getting it done which is fine. But then the next day, she'll come in and be in a foul mood because its messy out the back, or I haven't done any invoicing etc....it doesn't seem to occur to her that I've been doing what she originally asked of me, and that it takes time.

I think she forgets that not only am I her daughter, I'm also her employee - and at the moment she's taking advantage of that. I haven't had more than 4 days off in a row in 18 months, even when I snapped my ankle in half. She gave me work to do at home while I was recovering through the 2 surgeries to fix it.

I don't know how to broach the subject with her. We're coming into our busiest period of the year, and I'm struggling now when its quiet...I don't know that I can keep it together for the next 3 months to get through the busy period. I know I need to talk to her, just need some ideas on how to go about it, and to also have solutions to the problem when I do bring it up with her. I just know I can't continue like this much longer - I'm becoming the bitch from hell to be around.

Any advice?

[Vanessa]

I'd never ever work with my mum. I love her to bits and she's a wonderful woman but she literally makes people cry where she works.

Why don't you try telling her straightforward how you feel about the whole situation?

I'd get a different job.

[syrup]

Working is hard in general but with family it's even worse, do you intend on running the business someday? Your mother needs to respect you and realize you are not a slave, whats the point of life if you can't enjoy it? Talk to her and if you cannot come to an agreement maybe you should consider finding a new job. I worked for a family business and had to leave because of and overbearing uncle, things worked out for the better, but its a hard decision that needs a lot of thought.

[Andariel]

Have you considered hiring an intern to help you out during busy times?You would just need to cover their travel (to/from work) and lunch expenses.

[danielwlj]

i often help my mum to work at her shop... but she nvr even pay me a single dollar... and still asking me to buy her lunch or dinner.... totally treat me as a free slave.... im totally mad about this... btw, i found something new dat said could reduce stress... but i haven found where i can get it yet... it's something like the kechara chakras

[Cerby]

Hi Deeza,

I do understand the workplace stress for sure, our company is busy 6 months of the year, dead the other 6 months. The busy 6 months I usually put in 5-6 days a week for 10-12 hours a day, but I love the paycheck that comes with it. My strategy for the actual workplace stress is to remove myself from it completely when I'm not there. My subordinates may not contact me outside of work for anything work related as we have people they can call who are on shift almost all hours of the day. I frequently joke that I forget their names when I leave the building.

As for the family part of it, you need to sit down with mom and explain you need an assistant, or more money. Establish what your role is worth on the open market, and ask for that AS WELL AS vacation and any other benefits you would like. If your mom gets angry at you, you may consider quitting. You are within your rights to ask to be treated like any other employee of any other company.

Never take your work home with you, this used to be the source of a lot of my stress, since I've stopped life has been a lot better.

[cheekxs]

she do that to you cause you let her! stand up and say no or later!working for who ever, you will have to standup for yourself also! what kind of business is it?provide some student jobs, so you can handle other stuff.sit and tell your mom how hard it is and that there need to be a plan!like she do this and you do that.she need to learn to step back sometimes 2!and let you run it!your kid need you! you soon will break down if you dont stop!

[cheekxs]

Sit with her and tell her what you feel and why, and what you need to get things better.
IF she is a person that dont let you talk.
Before you start tell her that its something very serious and you need her to just listing first.

And maybe you and her can make a list of things that really have to be done, and things that doesn't have a lot of priority.
And divide the tasks . And plan a day that you will take a break.
I think if your mom can interfere that much to tell you 24/7 what to do, she can do those tasks herself 2.

You need to learn to say no to her.

You can also have a assistant. Or let another family member be part of your position.

[kevinjones23]

You need to have a talk with her and learn to say no. This kind of stress for a prolonged period of time can have dangerous consequence on your overall health.

[rhonddamayne]

i think you should talk to her directly about this. if nothing happens i suggest you find a new job!

[michelle23]

You should go to the doctor, get a cert for anxiety/stress and get him to say you need 3 days off with no work at all to do at home. Take the time to recharge, relax and take it easy.

You should try to find a balance. I find writing to do lists helps as it keeps me organized. Then I know what needs to be done and how long I have to do it. Maybe you should join a yoga class to help you unwind when you get home or go for a fast walk each evening.

Talk to your mother and tell her that if you dont get something done it is only because you are crazy busy and she needs to stop expecting too much from you

[pcmaster]

Two days ago I helped my mom in garden. I had a plan of simple wooden construction and she kept bitching that she wanted it to be twice bigger, I decited to stand my ground but after hour of her birching I did everything as she wanted but bitching did never stop. In the end of the day job was done just like mum wanted. She said its shit but looked real happy and pleased with herself while I was pissed off cause had to take all that shit, yet she acted like a victim. In the middle of the work she even tried to took over but realized shes complety helpless with wood.

Without her distractions I would finish duty twice faster.

Bottom line - when something is expected from you rather than aprecciated you have to stop doing it.

You situation is even more serious cause you wasting your life right now. You slaved for 18 months in a row now you deserve your legal 2 weeks off. Cause why are you living then? You have to do things that you enjoy. And if you gona give most of your time and energy to work that pushes you, you gona leave your health there and hate job even more. It leads to burnout. Once you get mental breakdown you will undrstand that health is number one priority and nothing is more importand in life than take care of yourself. Nobody deserves your best ! Even when working for yourself its not smart to lose health. When working make sure you enjoy some random conversations about non work related stuff. Dont forget that you are human with feelings and needs not just machine.

This guy makes even more sense -

loveforum.net/threads/78863-Are-you-living-YOUR-life