Haven't had a "boyfriend" in a long time....need advice about new guy.

[Virgo64]

Basically I haven't wanted a "boyfriend" in a long time. I started seeing a new guy, it was supposed to be casual...basically FWB kind of thing.

I'm still not sure how it happened but I found myself really enjoying being with him and developing feelings for him. Since our understanding was that it was a casual thing, I didn't want to be the one to try to change the rules so I ran.

I told him that I was feeling something for him, it wasn't anything he did or did not do but I needed to stop seeing him before i ended up getting hurt. I told him this was my problem and I needed to stop before it became his problem.

I did not contact him after that and we didn't talk for almost 3 weeks (he had a few dates with a woman who turned out to be a little nuts during that 3 weeks) when he suddenly sent me a text. We talked and decided that we both wanted to give a relationship a shot however he said things like...."We get along really well", We have a good time together", "Sex is amazing"....no mention of him having any feelings for me.

Now comes all my old insecurities and the reason I didn't want a boyfriend to begin with. As far as looks, I feel he is out of my league. He's tall, muscular and most women notice him when he walks into a room. I am just average in build for a middle aged woman and not terribly pretty.

So, my questions: Am I just convenient for him? Did he come to me because it was easier than trying to find another woman? Or am I just insecure and too afraid of being hurt?

[Wakeup]

Why don't you want to be happy?

[Benni]

"Or am I just insecure and too afraid of being hurt? " ---- yep, that's it! Why don't you just give it a chance? He seems to care for you, maybe he will develop stronger feelings for you as time goes by.

[Virgo64]

"Or am I just insecure and too afraid of being hurt? " ---- yep, that's it! Why don't you just give it a chance? He seems to care for you, maybe he will develop stronger feelings for you as time goes by.

I am going to give it time and just take it day by day. But this is why I haven't let myself get involved with anyone for 6 years. I date....see someone for a short time....then run away....until now and it's uncomfortable for me. To be honest, I have to stop myself from running practically every day. I'm just afraid that I like him more than he likes me. It makes me vulnerable and I don't like that at all. He's talked about how he's been hurt in the past. Well so have I. That's why I'm so damaged. LOL But I want to give this a chance if I can.

I was just thinking maybe guys could give me more insight into what he might be thinking.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

get along really well and sex is great. seems perfect to me. just roll with him

[Benni]

But this is why I haven't let myself get involved with anyone for 6 years. I date...

I haven't been with a man for 14 years-- not any dates, nothing-- due to horrible trauma with an abusive husband for many years. So, I understand wanting to run away. I'm only, just now, beginning to feel like trying again. Like you, I'll want to take it slow also.

[HeartIsAching]

Why do you think he's way out of your league? If he doesn't think so, why do you?

A lot of people (not just women) have a very odd sense of their own appearance. When I first met my wife 20 years ago, I was immediately attracted to her based solely (duh) on her appearance... but the first thing I thought was "Why the hell is she hiding that face behind all that hair and huge glasses? She thought she was plain... she's not, she's beautiful. Don't be so quick to judge yourself, and please don't dismiss his opinion of your looks.

If you're confused about whether or not he has feelings for you, I'd suggest asking him. Don't be pushy about it, don't use passive-aggressive techniques to do it, just ask him if he does. If you get what sounds like an honest response, DON'T second-guess it, just accept it at face value.

[smackie9]

Its a hit or miss.....I would say its a nay. You are right... nothing said about feelings, and the fact he will get a free unlimited supply of sex would be the motivation to say "Lets try a relationship".