He's ten years younger and I'm a bit confused

[bleh]

I met a guy that I'm very physically attracted to, but because he's so much younger I'm not entirely sure how to proceed. We have a lot of fun together and I love hanging out with him, but there are some issues that are kind of confusing to me.

First: he has no car, which I DO understand.. He's 24 and just getting started in life-- I was there too once.

Second: I think he waits for me to get a hold of him, instead of getting a hold of me, because he has no car and doesn't want to seem needy.. ?? I don't know.. He's constantly bored (works three days a week and has a business that he's trying to get going) but never texts me..... However, when I text him, he's ready to go..

I'm not much of a dater, never have been.. So I'm a little clueless on how to go about doing any of it NORMALLY, let alone trying to "see" a guy who has no car. I don't want to feel taken advantage of I guess, but I don't think that's what he's trying to do. I like this guy, as more than just a friend (which is very unusual for me) if he was just a friend, I'd know exactly how to handle it all, but I feel more than that for him... So, I'm wondering: should I keep texting him first and calling all the shots, or should I sit here and see how long it takes for him to get a hold of me? I'm NOT good at waiting, so if that's what I have to do, I think I need advice on how to do that as well.

[amanda.m]

He may be a little intimidated by you simply because you are 10 years older. He probably doesn't want to seem needy or like he has to depend on you for rides and such so he waits for you to contact him that way he knows it's on your terms.

[evil0313]

she right he might be intimidated by you but i am 22 and older woman never intimidated they were easyer to be around if the fact he dosnt have a car is bugging you push the subject ask him why dosnt he have a car or why dosnt he text you if he cares at all he will tell you

[Cerby]

First: he has no car, which I DO understand.. He's 24 and just getting started in life-- I was there too once.

This isn't normal in this day and age, a 19 year old without a car I might understand, but 24 and no car isn't right. Even a $500 beater can be reliable if you check it out first. I was barely 26 when I bought my first house, and already had a car. So 24 and no car isn't really normal unless he is simply not motivated to get one. This idea might tag onto him not calling, a lack of motivation?

We'd need more information on him before we can assess a judgement, and also probably a bit more from you as well. You seem like you're a chaser and he is a waiter, that might not change. But yea, I'd sit tight and see how long it takes him to get in touch with you.

Also, intimidation might be a factor as pointed above, the girl I'm currently with is 3 years older than me and it took me a few weeks to fully grasp the situation when we started dating. That said I got comfortable with it fast.

[HeartIsAching]

Have you tried asking *him* about these concerns?

[chirping]

if he likes you enough, he will ask you out. there is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out but it has to be a two way thing. i

if he is truly intimidated by you, he is not mature enough. would you like to date someone who is not mature enough?
nothing wrong with not having a car but why doesn't he? what kind of job does he have? it's not about the money, it's just about his level of maturity and how much of it you can take.
if he is restless, there is nothing wrong with that but would you like to date someone who is restless?

at the end of the day, it's about you figuring out whether or not you can take someone like him.

[bleh]

He was in the military since the age of 18. He just got out recently. He says he can't drive because of some stuff that happened in Iraq.. I dunno... I think he's probably just broke, but he does have a job and him and a few friends are getting started in a business. I'm just getting to know him, so I don't want to pry too much about his personal life just yet.. It's just all a little strange to me, I think mostly because I don't usually feel anything for guys other than friendship.. So, I'm not sure if I'm doing this whole dating thing correctly. Thank you for the responses I didn't think anyone actually would. First time I've posted anything in a forum such as this...

[Yet another guy]

there are some issues that are kind of confusing to me.

First: he has no car

What's confusing about that? Maybe he lives near his work. Or maybe your city has a good public transportation.

should I keep texting him first and calling all the shots, or should I sit here and see how long it takes for him to get a hold of me?

If you like him, keep dating him. If he contacts you less than you'd like, talk about it with him.

[devonbrown]

So, I'm not sure if I'm doing this whole dating thing correctly.

There is no rulebook. So stop thinking along those lines. Basically, it is as simple as this - if you like him, ask him out. If you don't, don't ask him out. That is the only way things will be able to move along.

And if anyone tells you there are rules, ask them to write them down for you and then publish them for the world to know. Because with every "rule" someone tells you, there will be 300 other "rules" which contradict it.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

He was in the military since the age of 18. He just got out recently. He says he can't drive because of some stuff that happened in Iraq.. I dunno... I think he's probably just broke, but he does have a job and him and a few friends are getting started in a business. I'm just getting to know him, so I don't want to pry too much about his personal life just yet.. It's just all a little strange to me, I think mostly because I don't usually feel anything for guys other than friendship.. So, I'm not sure if I'm doing this whole dating thing correctly. Thank you for the responses I didn't think anyone actually would. First time I've posted anything in a forum such as this...

Lets take inventory. Maybe doing that will give you your answer(s):

1. Your gut is trying to tell you something and that is why you've come to this forum because you know something isn't right, however you're going to try and hammer a square peg into a round hole anyway (I wonder why?)

2. He's been to war in Iraq and he can't drive because "something happened to him there" but you didn't even ask him what happened? How is his state of mind in general after enduring the tour? (Why are you afraid of answers)

3. Have you sat down and considered what, if anything you two have in common when you're 34 and established and he's 24, doesn't drive, works but is looking to start a buinsess that will likely take some years to get off the ground?

5. What is your dating goal with this man? Do you expect a relationship or are you looking for a fling? Are you exclusive? (I wonder where you met?)

Anyway, just somethings to think about (are there any other red flags that you haven't mentioned) as I think the fact that he doesn't drive is irrelavent in the grand scheme of things. Although to me, It would be a grand pain in my ass.

Oh and:

should I keep texting him first and calling all the shots, or should I sit here and see how long it takes for him to get a hold of me? I'm NOT good at waiting, so if that's what I have to do, I think I need advice on how to do that as well.

If he's not pursuing you then hang onto your hear particularily because it's easy to see that at this point, he has all the power in this relationship.

I'd be waiting to see if he does ANY pursuing and the only way to do that is to not text him first. It's time to see what's up if it's always been you doing all the work.

[bleh]

This is going to be a long story ( bear with me)... We met online and then met in person. We have been out on a date once.. The first date was great. He talked himself up quite a bit and I listened and then we started goofing around being silly and we had a lot of fun.. I didn't know he had no car (he failed to mention that even after we met at the place) I'm pretty sure the Iraq explanation was just a front because he didn't want to say he couldn't afford a car.. That's what bothers me.. The fact that he didn't just come right out and say "Hey, I have no car blah blah blah" That would have been okay.

Anyway, the car thing is an issue because.. The second time we hung-out, he asked me if I wanted to go WITH him to serve papers to some dude. His business is that of private investigating/bail bonds and stuff like that.. He told me when he did drive, he used work's car (which is also not the whole truth) We ended up taking MY car.. We sat outside this guys house for 3 hours waiting for him to leave and then he had me follow him around town.. Which was very odd and I can't believe I did that. We did end up finding him eventually and he served him the papers.. But I was the one driving. I was just like "Okay, well that was all a little strange, but whatever"

K, so here's what has recently happened......

He asked me over to watch movies last night and I went.. It wasn't bad at all and I asked him why he never got a hold of me first. He apologized and said he would get a hold of me first today.. and he did, but he didn't text he called and I didn't answer because I just had a feeling it was going to be because he needed a ride, and I was right. He called again, I answered and he asked if I could take him to serve more papers!! He said his friend was supposed to take him but he wasn't answering him.. So, after some huffing and puffing, I agreed to take him, BUT when he got in the car I said "After this time, I can't do this again" He was upset about the whole thing and I didn't say much to him the whole time, but I was pleasant. A couple days before I also dropped him off at the dentist! (Yeah, yeah.. I know, I know..) :/

There are many things about him that scream "I'm a selfish dickwad" (I hope I can say that here, forgive me if that's offensive) but there's also a part that's very naive, innocent, and says "I'm really not a bad guy"-- that's the part that keeps me hanging around.. However, I don't know if that's a part he uses to manipulate people or if it's genuine.. He's also extremely attractive, which is a HUGE reason why I'm still messing around with this whole situation, I think. Because I rarely meet guys that I'm attracted to physically.. BUT, I don't want a hot guy who I can't connect with on an intellectual/emotional level either. He's not dumb and he is sweet, but like I said, I don't know how much of that is real.

It's very confusing to me.. He also stated that he wanted a relationship before we met, that's what he was looking for.. I was simply looking for people to be friends with. I never expected I would actually be attracted to anyone from that place online. He knows I just want friendship, and I know he's looking for a relationship.. I'm wondering if he's looking for a relationship so he can have someone to drive him around to his complete his jobs..

I took time out of my day to drive him around today, and it was all a waste of time because no one was even there for him to serve.. He was upset about it and I told him that this wasn't a very good job for someone who has no car. He said he was probably going to lose his business before it even got off the ground, and I felt bad. I dropped him off at his house, went home and texted him, trying to be comforting, but I think I probably sounded more like his mother.. He didn't respond. THEN...........

I went on facebook and saw a post by him which read "taking applications for a personal masseuse.. Send two pics.. NO DUDES!! I just realized I have an opening in my "staff" " and I was like WTF???? Because I have given him a couple of back massages. He had to have known I would see that.. I think he was just being silly, but still.. HE HAD TO HAVE KNOWN I WOULD SEE THAT. My first reaction was anger/rage and I wanted to text him and call him all sorts of names, but I didn't.. Instead, I texted and said "I'm curious, are you upset with me because you didn't get your stuff done today?" He replied "No, I'm not upset with you at all, I'm upset with myself and my friend who was supposed to take me".. I haven't responded and I haven't said anything about the facebook post (that he HAD TO HAVE KNOWN I WOULD SEE) I just don't understand why he would do that.. I'm very confused.

I'm sure all of this amounts to me being used, and I should probably let the whole thing go.. But, he's told me things (very personal things) about Iraq and his childhood etc, etc that made me feel like we were getting somewhere with the friendship thing, and honestly FRIENDSHIP is what I want with him. I just don't want to feel/be used.

The other night, we agreed that we would hang out tomorrow night (of course then he ended up calling me today :/) and all of this crap happened.. So, I don't know if we're still on for tomorrow or not.. I will wait for him to text me.. If he doesn't, I will let it go and forget about the whole thing.. If he does, I think I'm going to have a talk with him and try to figure out exactly what's going on.

I'm sorry this has been so long, and I'm pretty sure I know what everyone is going to say already.. "He's a jackass. Let it go" Correct? If that's what I must do, then I will do it, but I would like to give him a chance to explain himself first.

[vashti]

I agree with wakeup... all sorts of red flags going up here, and I am surprised you choose to ignore them.

[bleh]

I'm not ignoring anything. I see it all and I think about it all. I've only known him a few weeks and I've driven him around three times.. Which is something I would do for any of my friends if they needed my help. If he is, in fact, a complete jackass, I will let the whole thing go and be on my merry way. But I don't think I've come to that conclusion just yet.. I'm not hurt or anything. I'm just trying to figure out who and what he's all about. If that makes me a moron, you can call me dopey.....I know no one was calling me a moron.. Just thought I'd throw that in.. He's not an easy one to figure out. As simple as it may seem from the story I've given, the real dynamics of the situation can't be seen by anyone in here.. Still, I do welcome advice.

[Wakeup]

You're ignoring them if you keep seeing him even though it's obvious he's an immature user and manipulator. I should have said 'I bet you met him online' because you sound like a typical naive female online dater who ignores her own best interests and is willing to give up her own self-worth and common sense for a pretty face who pays her a bit of attention. Don't do that.

Throw this fish back and put your rod back in the water. You've hooked a little boy who is so stupid he got a job that absolutely requires a car when he doesn't have one.

You have nothing in common except a physical attraction and a fear in you that you'll be without him by the sounds of things. Get rid of him now before you get in any deeper. It's better to be without a guy then to be with one like him. Stop making excuses for him and for yourself in this. You KNOW you need to get rid of him, your gut told you so.

He's not an easy one to figure out. As simple as it may seem from the story I've given, the real dynamics of the situation can't be seen by anyone in here..

We see things clearly.. It's you that has the blinders on.

Don't be so desperate to be with this little player-boy in any capacity... Not even "friend."

[bulrush]

You said he's cute. If you want to have a date with him, ask him out, as he's clearly not getting the message. Set up a date, and use the word "date" with him.

What could be simpler?