Feeling really low

[Horseyguy]

PANTS!!! Stoopid no smoking

Haven't slept in three nights, like not at all. I think it's because of the patches because this happened when I first started using them. Felt so tired yesterday I ended up throwing a sickie from work.

Now I can handle the not sleeping bit but what's getting me really down is I keep thinking about Karen my ex. I just can't get her out of my head probably because I'm just lying in bed and my brain is going off on one. I can distract myself for a while by sticking the TV on or listening to some music but as soon as I'm back on the pillow and trying to sleep up she pops again.

But the bit that's starting to freak me out and why I'm feeling so low is I'm starting to get really angry thoughts going on. I could understand it if I was lying there trying to figure out how to win her back but I'm not, I'm lying there trying to figure out if it would be better to blow her car up with her in it using a remote controlled buggy or to hack into the pentagons satellite system and get a drone to bomb it when she goes to drive away. I'm sure neither is particulary healthy things to be thinking.

I'm pissed that I'm even thinking of her even in a negative way. I don't want her back, I don't even like her as a person after what she did so why the fark can't I just let this go.

Maybe I should just start smoking again until I get everything back to normal and try quitting again later but I've gone three weeks now and I really don;t want to give up but this no sleeping and thinking of her all over again is doing my head in

[tomtom8p]

This is your new life. She's gone, and the best way to stick it to her is by being happy and making yourself the best person you can be. This is your chance from a fresh start. You've already gone 3 weeks without smoking why stop now. Not sleeping sucks but there's plenty of other options for you to try instead of smokeing. Try gravol, i know that helps some people.

Your probably in a better position than a lot of people. Your not hung up on your ex, be happy that you don't want her back and that you can just move on. It's completely normal to get mad at an ex. But there is a point where you just have to put your anger behind you because that's in the past. If you don't want to think about her then just remind yourself that she isn't worth the time or energy, easier said than done I know.

If you can't get her out of your head now just give it time and you'll find yourself thinking about her less and less

[Wakeup]

Have you tried reading until you start to nod off? That's what I did when the energy levels started to go overboard do to lack of nicotine.

If you want to read a really edgy series of Dective books with a Man / Woman detective team taking place in the poorer sections of Boston, Mass. then Read All the books written by Dennis Lehane. They were five of the best books I've read in a long time and they totally took my mind off smoking and any troubles and I read until I nodded off every night. Great reads, all of them.

He also wrote Mystic River and Shutter Island.

[Horseyguy]

Have you tried reading until you start to nod off? That's what I did when the energy levels started to go overboard do to lack of nicotine.

If you want to read a really edgy series of Dective books with a Man / Woman detective team taking place in the poorer sections of Boston, Mass. then Read All the books written by Dennis Lehane. They were five of the best books I've read in a long time and they totally took my mind off smoking and any troubles and I read until I nodded off every night. Great reads, all of them.

He also wrote Mystic River and Shutter Island.

Nice one Wakeup I'll look them up although saying that I really should just read my uni-books that might be a good idea.

[Wakeup]

Nah.. read for enjoyment at this point. You need something that you can get totally into and forget about everything else.. at least for a bit anyway.

[Horseyguy]

This is your new life. She's gone, and the best way to stick it to her is by being happy and making yourself the best person you can be. This is your chance from a fresh start. You've already gone 3 weeks without smoking why stop now. Not sleeping sucks but there's plenty of other options for you to try instead of smokeing. Try gravol, i know that helps some people.

Your probably in a better position than a lot of people. Your not hung up on your ex, be happy that you don't want her back and that you can just move on. It's completely normal to get mad at an ex. But there is a point where you just have to put your anger behind you because that's in the past. If you don't want to think about her then just remind yourself that she isn't worth the time or energy, easier said than done I know.

If you can't get her out of your head now just give it time and you'll find yourself thinking about her less and less

Yeah I know that and I am doing all that and more. I've quit smoking, started at the gym, doing my masters, moving back to the city etc etc so it's not like I'm sitting at home moaping about her , far from it and I broke up 3 months back and really for the last few weeks she hasn't been in my head all the time like she has the last few nights. I have no idea where this anger is even coming from to be honest because I'm not angry at her, well obviously I am, but I wasn't and I only get these thoughts when I can't sleep so during the day I'm not sitting here thinking angry thoughts.

I just feel really down at the moment and I think the biggest chunk of that is coming from giving up smoking, followed by being exhausted because I'm not sleeping, she's just the bit I could do without right now and it's getting me down that I'm even thinking about her at all.

I really am glad that it is over between us. She is so wrong for me and even thinking about getting back with her is a massive step backwards for me. I wont do it to myself but I wish she'd get out of my head

yes I know I'm doing it to myself.

[Horseyguy]

Nah.. read for enjoyment at this point. You need something that you can get totally into and forget about everything else.. at least for a bit anyway.

yeah good point. anyway my uni books would just get me thinking about marketing stuff and I'd end up getting out of bed to jot down a load of ideas LOL

Might go download some meditation CD's off iTunes

[steviej]

Anger is great for getting stuff done, use that energy down the gym! Add an extra 10kg's to your squat and sweat all thoughts of her away

[Horseyguy]

Anger is great for getting stuff done, use that energy down the gym! Add an extra 10kg's to your squat and sweat all thoughts of her away

But I'm not angry about her during the day. It's only been at night the last three nights cos I can't sleep and I really cant be ****ed going to the gym at 3 in the morning

[steviej]

Ah right, being that tired properly messes with your mind. I suggest fapping until you fall asleep in a fap induced coma

[DarkHelmet82]

HG.. i went through that too dude.. I looked up all sorts of things I could do... flatten her tires, send her porno subscriptions, dildos at her work, foward her mail. brake fluid on her car to strip the paint off, Beat the shit out of her boyfriend... My point is, i never did do anything like that because I know I will regret it and its childish and immature.. plus SHES NOT WORTH IT!!!!

In terms of sleeping.. take some melatonin.. it will help. Its natural and non habit forming and is a chemical your body naturally produces.

i think you are going through one of the stages of grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

[RebeccaOverseas]

I have those sleepless nights too. They are horrible. I've tried to read, but reading never puts me to sleep (I like reading). I've tried to meditate, but all I think about is him. I've tried drinking too much, but then I just drunk dial him.

Now, when I am up in the middle of the night, I call my parents, who live on the opposite side of the world from me. Talking to my mother always puts me to sleep. If my mother is unavailable, I take melatonin.

[kamazaki]

family is always a great help you can get dude, some people are not lucky enough to have one...so go to your family if you need more support. Because i wish i have one too..

[HeartIsAching]

PANTS!!! Stoopid no smoking

Haven't slept in three nights, like not at all. I think it's because of the patches because this happened when I first started using them. Felt so tired yesterday I ended up throwing a sickie from work.

Now I can handle the not sleeping bit but what's getting me really down is I keep thinking about Karen my ex. I just can't get her out of my head probably because I'm just lying in bed and my brain is going off on one. I can distract myself for a while by sticking the TV on or listening to some music but as soon as I'm back on the pillow and trying to sleep up she pops again.

But the bit that's starting to freak me out and why I'm feeling so low is I'm starting to get really angry thoughts going on. I could understand it if I was lying there trying to figure out how to win her back but I'm not, I'm lying there trying to figure out if it would be better to blow her car up with her in it using a remote controlled buggy or to hack into the pentagons satellite system and get a drone to bomb it when she goes to drive away. I'm sure neither is particulary healthy things to be thinking.

I'm pissed that I'm even thinking of her even in a negative way. I don't want her back, I don't even like her as a person after what she did so why the fark can't I just let this go.

Maybe I should just start smoking again until I get everything back to normal and try quitting again later but I've gone three weeks now and I really don;t want to give up but this no sleeping and thinking of her all over again is doing my head in

One of the worst mistakes I ever made was to start smoking again. You're on the right track, keep at it.

When you get this way, try physical exercise. Or beer.

Wait, no. Beer always makes me want to smoke more, scratch that.

Wish I had something useful to suggest... but I'm still smoking. I need to quit again.