How to bring up healthy lifestyle with the gf...?

[135]

My gf and I have always been slim people....like slim. When we went to college, she gained a good 30lbs in her freshman year, which I am completely fine with. She used to be 'skinny', now she's more shaped like the average gal these days. From what I can tell, her metabolism slowed down, and she "hates exercising" but still "loves food",so I'm getting a little worried. I'm almost certain she's not still gaining weight, but the way she eats (large portions) and her lack of activity is starting add up. The issue is this: she's very sensitive about the weight she's gained...i.e. she'll say she feels fat after a big meal but looks to me for some self-esteem booster. If I agree with her and tell her she can still eat what she wants, she just needs to run a little (even if that's what she may be thinking), she'll chop my head off and get super defensive. BUT If I tell her she's not, then she points out her tummy to me in protest, so it's like I can't win.

If I agree that she's gained weight, it starts a fight, and if I try to downplay it she makes an argument about it.

How can I tackle this classically sensitive issue without causing more trouble than its worth?

In a perfect world I wish I could just tell her to hit the gym, she'd eat what she wants and keep heart healthy at the same time. But something tells me it's not going to happen that easily. What makes it harder is that the more time that goes by, the more into exercise I seem to be and now it's like we're heading in completely different directions. I'd love to be that couple that goes for a run/bike ride together etc but I can't bring the topic up without hurting her feelings.

[SimplySam]

"hates exercising" but still "loves food" - uh oh, run for the hills!!!

No I'm kidding.

You should talk to her, tell you you care about her but approach this topic in a way where you want to work out too. Don't mention her weight at all, in fact you should say something like this :
"I was thinking out staring running or going to the gym, why don't you come with me, it will make us both feel better?"

It's proven if there is a work-out buddy then it's easier to stick to a routine. Good luck!

[Ume]

If she's sensitive about the weight issue I'd try talking her into it by making it all about how you like to exercice and you'd really like to do it together. Exercising is indeed more fun and easier to do regularly if you do it together with a steady partner and you said, that you'd like to do it with her so it's not like your lying. I'd avoid mentioning the fact that it would also be good for her health/figure. She knows that herself, if you say it she'll just think that you find her fat and might get so upset she won't even consider the other reasons anymore. As you've said it doesn't have to be going to the gym, which in my experience women don't tend to like very much except for the treadmills and the hometrainers as it's mostly about building up muscle mass. As a way of simply burning calories I find running and biking to be more effective anyway.

[HeartIsAching]

She's insecure and looking to you for reassurance that she's still attractive. You can put a stop to it, but it won't be pleasant.

You can simply say "You've gained weight. You still look good, but if that bothers you, then lets do something about it."

If she asks you a question and gets angry at your for an honest response, she's only got to look in the mirror for who to blame.

You might also tell her that she should watch this:

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

Dont Bring it up...
she gets angry.

If She brings it up.
AVOID THE TOPIC

If she catches on that youre avoiding the question
YOUR FUKT IN THE A-HOLE

[MaidenMinx]

I agree with HIA. You need to tackle this with honesty.

I'm assuming you still find her attractive. To start a conversation with her, you need to stress how gorgeous she is and how much you love her. Then go onto how worried you are about her long term health. STRESS THIS. Suggest that simple exercise together would be great for bonding and you would love to spend that time with her. Next suggest walking. It is the least scary exercise for those who hate exercise, since everyone has to do it everyday anyway. 3 hour long walks a week would be enough to reverse some of the damage.

Oh and when discussing the health aspect, maybe consider going to a dr with her and having both your cholesterol levels checked. Even if you are fit, if you are eating badly cholesterol can kill you.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

You both have gotten comfortable in your relationship, and when you get comfortable you get bored, and when you get bored you fill the void with something....it her case its food. It gives her pleasure....its what she looks forward to. If you want to turn this around, invite her out for walks at a park, beach or a place that has some interest. Plan trips that involve physical activities, like sight seeing where you have to walk or hiking through trails. Go horse back riding or roller blading, indoor rock climbing , or paint ball, something fun. Also invite friends to join you.....you both need to get off the couch and get out doing things. This will increase your sex life and get things back to feeling fresh and exciting.....now its up to you.

[135]

All good suggestions guys, thanks a ton for all your responses! I'm not exactly positive on which action I'll take yet, it'll probably be some suitable combination of little bits and pieces of everyone's advice. Regardless I have many thoughts now that I can tailor to our relationship to deal with this in the least stressful way possible. Thanks again!

[surfhb]

She's insecure and looking to you for reassurance that she's still attractive. You can put a stop to it, but it won't be pleasant.

You can simply say "You've gained weight. You still look good, but if that bothers you, then lets do something about it."

If she asks you a question and gets angry at your for an honest response, she's only got to look in the mirror for who to blame.

You might also tell her that she should watch this:

Great Post! Best thing I ever did was stop drinking that crap

[vashti]

Do something FUN with her. (Running is NOT fun.) Try dance lessons.

[HeartIsAching]

Great Post! Best thing I ever did was stop drinking that crap

Thanks. I've lost 35Lbs. and falling, Wife's lost 25. Well, that combined with lots of bike riding. Hard to argue with the results.

[Boisdevie]

Some women are in denial about their weight. I speak from experience. I suspect you can do everything to help and it will make no difference. So she either has to face up to the facts and lose weight or you leave her. Chances are she'll get fatter and fatter.

[NytNrs&Mmartist]

Some women are in denial about their weight. I speak from experience. I suspect you can do everything to help and it will make no difference. So she either has to face up to the facts and lose weight or you leave her. Chances are she'll get fatter and fatter.

my thoughts exactly...

[fun2bwith45]

try to get her to go hiking...things like that make a nice day trip

rent a tandem bicycle, might be gay but lots of girls would enjoy it

play tennis or racquetball


EDIT: sorry i forgot i was in the "ask a female" forum, but i'll just leave my advice with this disclaimer

[pisces25]

What makes it harder is that the more time that goes by, the more into exercise I seem to be and now it's like we're heading in completely different directions

Is she happy in the relationship and/or her life in general? She could be resenting the fact you are keeping in shape and exercising more and could feel this gulf between you, is fearful of what it means and therefore reaches for food to comfort her.

What activities do you guys do with each other if it isn't anything outdoorsy?