Why women always choose the other guy

[flynhayn]

I definitely agree... but not all of the girls I dated were on the rebound from their ex. Some of them were clearly independent and wasn't involved with guys for a while before I came along.... and that's what makes this more confusing for me.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yeah I seem to always get involved with women who are either new to dating or just out of relatiopnships.. and they have all had some major baggage too.. not sure why I fall for these types of women...I wish i knew.

[Wakeup]

I definitely agree... but not all of the girls I dated were on the rebound from their ex. Some of them were clearly independent and wasn't involved with guys for a while before I came along.... and that's what makes this more confusing for me.

No one said that all of the girls you have been rejected by were on the rebound... that was just one example of maybe why you were'nt getting to the commitment stage with women in general.

Being to pridictible and/or boring was another
Picking the same type of woman (superficial princess-like or not at the stage of wanting anything serious) was another.

Where are you meeting these ladies?

[Wakeup]

The interesting thing is, I kinda realized that about a year ago. The most recent girl I tried to date had all the signs of being different than the others.... she hadn't dated anyone in over a year, completely independent, and has only had one boyfriend her entire life which was when she was back in college. On top of that, I took things VERY slow with her just to make sure that she was actually interested in pursuing a relationship as seriously as I was. As time when on, SHE was the one who began taking things a little further, and about half the time she was the one making the "first moves" on everything. I made sure to do the same so that she knew I was definitely interested as well.

But I'm not over-exaggerating when I say that she dropped everything out of nowhere. She just stopped talking to me for a week, until I finally got a hold of her and she apologized for not contacting me, then said she didn't want to pursue things with me anymore because she realized she "was too busy to bring a guy into her life right now". I tried to get her to reconsider but she was very clear about not talking to me anymore and that was it. This was just over 4 months ago... and I just recently found out that she has a new boyfriend. Don't know when they actually started dating since then but still a pretty big slap in the face to me. My friend is kind of familiar with the guy and he doesn't really sound that amazing, so I have no idea.

Maybe it is the Spiderman costume. Haha

Well, that scenerio is just a fabulous example of a dumb-ass gal telling you something to avoid drama and to avoid making her look like any kind of a bad person. I can't say for sure but I'm thinking that she would have like you to take things fast and you were being too respectful (I know crazy that a girl would think such a thing) Believe it or not there are too many women out there that need a guy to make her forget her upbringing and seduce her into being "bad." You made her do the work there (with the best of intentions) and I'm thinking that subconcsiously that made her lose her attraction for you. You made her conciously want to fk and you didn't take the heat off her by seducing her into it. A 'good guy with an edge' would have treated her respectfully but would have seduced her and left it up to her when or if to say NO. (or stop) You just left it ALL up to her. Period. Do you see?

I know nothing because I've not talked to her, of course.. but just some female psychology for you to ponder.

[flynhayn]

Well, that scenerio is just a fabulous example of a dumb-ass gal telling you something to avoid drama and to avoid making her look like any kind of a bad person. I can't say for sure but I'm thinking that she would have like you to take things fast and you were being too respectful (I know crazy that a girl would think such a thing) Believe it or not there are too many women out there that need a guy to make her forget her upbringing and seduce her into being "bad." You made her do the work there (with the best of intentions) and I'm thinking that subconcsiously that made her lose her attraction for you. You made her conciously want to fk and you didn't take the heat off her by seducing her into it. A 'good guy with an edge' would have treated her respectfully but would have seduced her and left it up to her when or if to say NO. (or stop) You just left it ALL up to her. Period. Do you see?

I know nothing because I've not talked to her, of course.. but just some female psychology for you to ponder.

But she wasn't the one always making the moves.... half of the time I was doing it to. It was pretty even.... but she was just the one who started doing it first.

I think that's what I'm more wanting to get advice on.... female psychology (which I understand is very dangerous territory ). If it makes things any more interesting, the recent girl in question got her degree in psychology. Hmm....

[DarkHelmet82]

But she wasn't the one always making the moves.... half of the time I was doing it to. It was pretty even.... but she was just the one who started doing it first.

I think that's what I'm more wanting to get advice on.... female psychology (which I understand is very dangerous territory ). If it makes things any more interesting, the recent girl in question got her degree in psychology. Hmm....

haha mine too man.. she was a social worker too... yet couldnt be straight up and honest..

[flynhayn]

Yeah I seem to always get involved with women who are either new to dating or just out of relatiopnships.. and they have all had some major baggage too.. not sure why I fall for these types of women...I wish i knew.

This discussion is making me wonder about this too.... It's not that I'm attracted to girls who are vulnerable because of a recent breakup or anything, they just so happen to be recently involved with another guy. Besides the last one, I can never find a girl who has been off the dating grid for a while.

[Wakeup]

But she wasn't the one always making the moves.... half of the time I was doing it to. It was pretty even.... but she was just the one who started doing it first.

Doesn't matter.. Nothing said here will be applicable 100% to your situation(s) because it's all conjecture. Read what I said about women not wanting to seem "wanton" and/or "bad" and often need to feel they've been seduced into it and then being in control as to when and if to tell you "stop" or "no."


to add:

Yeah I seem to always get involved with women who are either new to dating or just out of relatiopnships.. and they have all had some major baggage too.. not sure why I fall for these types of women...I wish i knew.

Sounds like "White Knight" syndrome. You need to distance yourself from woman who need saving instead of being so stubborn and trying to save them. A woman with past relationship baggage and/or mental issues should be immediately backed away from by you. Don't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. You'll end up as fked up as them if you do.

[IndiReloaded]

It might be the Spiderman Costume? lol

I think your picker is broken. Perhaps you're picking women who are on the rebound as you're not sussing out their past dating history and you wait for them to decide instead of breaking up with them when they present unsatisfactory responses to your inquiries.

I suspect your also picking mostly the same type of woman who are not yet ready to have anything steady in their lives.

You paint yourself as the perfect partner but there is obviously something there that is hindering your progress past a few dates with these, perhaps the same, type of women?

LOL, I agree. Though I suspect a certain amount of arrogance on your part as well may not be helping you. Just based on your responses to this thread you have an attitude of: no, can't be that...or that.. already thought of that, nope.

That can really get on peoples nerves after a while. A bit of humble pie never hurts those who have a lot going for them.

(shut up Wakeup)

[flynhayn]

LOL, I agree. Though I suspect a certain amount of arrogance on your part as well may not be helping you. Just based on your responses to this thread you have an attitude of: no, can't be that...or that.. already thought of that, nope.

That can really get on peoples nerves after a while. A bit of humble pie never hurts those who have a lot going for them.

(shut up Wakeup)

Haha that's exactly what I thought when I read my responses... I'm all "wow I'm really talking myself up right now". But I'm just refuting some of the suggestions that don't apply to my situation that's all.

[flynhayn]

Read what I said about women not wanting to seem "wanton" and/or "bad" and often need to feel they've been seduced into it and then being in control as to when and if to tell you "stop" or "no."

I'm not understanding that whole concept. If you could break it down into "psychology for dummies" terms, that would help me out

[IndiReloaded]

Haha that's exactly what I thought when I read my responses... I'm all "wow I'm really talking myself up right now". But I'm just refuting some of the suggestions that don't apply to my situation that's all.

Know thyself. You are the one experiencing a problem with women, right? At some point, if you are the common element in these issues you might want to consider taking a closer look at the suggestions you have dismissed.

Have you ASKED any of these gals their honest opinion? You can usually find 1-2 who will give it to you straight. Desperate times and measures, you know.

[maxmax]

There could be 101 reasons.

Or just one.

You're unlikely to find out for sure.

The opposite sex doesn't make it easy, and a guessing game is almost always futile.

If the girls you're involved in are all saying you're great in every way, and decide to drop you for some low life scum, then they are idiots.

Perhaps you need to choose better in future?

[IndiReloaded]

But I'm not over-exaggerating when I say that she dropped everything out of nowhere. She just stopped talking to me for a week, until I finally got a hold of her and she apologized for not contacting me, then said she didn't want to pursue things with me anymore because she realized she "was too busy to bring a guy into her life right now".

This was just over 4 months ago... and I just recently found out that she has a new boyfriend.

I was just about to post that the sudden change was b/c she met someone. And I was right. Analysis: you were being too careful. Too slow out of the gate, young stallion.

[flynhayn]

Have you ASKED any of these gals their honest opinion? You can usually find 1-2 who will give it to you straight. Desperate times and measures, you know.

Yes, I have asked them. The first couple of women that pulled this BS taught me to make sure to find out from women what their honest opinions are. Since then, I started asking women to be very straightforward about what they think... and they tell me all these great things..... but I still get the same result in the end.