cheater always a cheater?

[Brokenhart]

Briefly,
im 21 and my boyfriend is 34 and we've been together for 6 years. We've had a string of problems but mostly its been his cheating which has got me thinking will he ever change? At first he would reassure me that he would never cheat on me like the younger boys do but he started to get more insecure as time went by. I also found that when i started college i wanted to date boys my age and this didnt help his insecurity. To cut a very long story short i have been trying to trust him but he has cheated on me soo many times i feel like a fool but he just wont let me go. 1 year ago i found out he got his ex pregnant and i never knew that i could cry soo hard and o vowed i would not take him back but i found out i was also pregnant at the same time aswell so i was in a very messed up place. I dont know where i am going with this because any idiot can see that i should leave him but how can i trust him? since we've been together he's cheated on me more than 4 times and myself probably sround the same but i have always confessed to him because ive been confused and suffocated. On the contrary whenever i broke up with him he thinks its the perfect opportunity to have sex with other people which was the main reason why we broke up in the first place.

I know that i need to be strong but i dont have any friends that i have confided to because i am ashamed of the age gap and fact he has 5 kids. I guess im just looking for someone to talk to about this cause i feel so low and depressed becuase truly he is my only friend i have. Any advice would help thanks (not very brief huh sorry)

K x

[smackie9]

You are young and beautiful.....why waste your time with an old f uck that f ucks other women......get some self worth GF you know you are better than this. Girl you have so much promise, please dump this guy and date a nice boy your age that will treat you like you should be treated.

[smackie9]

This guy is 34 and still needs to be promiscuous?......he hasn't grown up yet. He is a total loser.

[smackie9]

A 28 years that dates a 16 year old......take a look GF....does that seem right? would you want your 16 year old daughter dating a guy that's almost 30? Its sick.

[smackie9]

As I read your post.....you blame yourself for his cheating? He was insecure because you were at college surrounded by nice young guys so that is why he had to cheat? Did he tell you that? Man those are straight out lies. Hes passing the blame onto you for his indiscretions...that manipulation......mental abuse. What a douche.

[tomtom8p]

Get out fast. You really need to end this relationship. Your post truly wasn't that long but it is literally full of red flags. There is nothing healthy about your relationship. The fact is that you have never had a chance to experience a mature healthy relationship so you have nothing to compare this too. You are so young and you have so many years ahead of you don't let yourself stay locked into a toxic relationship for the rest of your life.

In a healthy relationship you should both have separate lives, which you don't. But you can change that, your in college, get involved, join clubs, become a regular at a local coffee shop or campus lounge and you will meet people. You are clearly afraid to be alone which is normal, what is not okay is letting that be the reason you put up with a cheating asshole. You deserve so much better than this. Staying is a relationship because you feel like it's your only option is probably one of the worst reasons to stay in a relationship.

One of my best friends just got dumped after 4 years. His relationship was extremely unhealthy (although not as bad as yours, no offence). He stayed in is because he was afraid to be alone, afraid to be without a companion, and I'll admit when you don't have anyone else to fall back on it's scary (even when you do it's scary) but you need to get out of this relationship so you can live a happy and healthy life. I promise you that this relationship will never be happy and healthy. How can you ever trust a man that has cheated on you even once. 3 months after the relationship ended he is finally starting to see how much better his life is without her and how unhealthy the relationship was. You will too after you've ended it.

End it for yourself. You need to grow and mature. Trust me there are so many guys out there that would treat you so much better. You will find a boyfriend one day that will love you and never cheat on you and when you tell him how this guy treated you he will literally become enraged I promise you that.

End it now

[tomtom8p]

To cut a very long story short i have been trying to trust him but he has cheated on me soo many times i feel like a fool but he just wont let me go

Who the hell cares if he won't let you go, He cheated on you multiple times, he's a f*cking asshole

[Brokenhart]

I've just read your posts and all of them are encouraging and you'be given me a few home truths that at the back of my mind i've been thinking for years. A little tear came to my eye aswell (feel so corny) but apart from family i have not talked to any one about my troubles and your advice has been very touching to me and thankyou tomtom8p and smakie9 for taking the time out to reply.

I have recieved a text from him saying he loves me and for sure i know i will be soon bombarded with texts and phonecalls so im sure soon i may have to change my number. Looking back at that extract when i said ' he wont let me go', it does seem like i dont have control because i can go but i just need to be strong enough mentally to see it through. At the moment i feel so empowered by all of your words but i know afterwards i will go back to feeling low and empty.

Honestly, i dont know how im gonna get through this, its so tough but ill keep looking at your posts hopefully it should give a reminder of what a mind controlling cheat he is. I dont wana b one of those people that depresses others with their pathetic posts so i wont do that.

Thanks again, xxx (there are people in the world that cares)

[Kiechi]

Brokenhart --- Get rid of him. Also, are you still pregnant? You could always "accidently" fall down the stairs...

[oldskool83]

the age thing is your deal, but the cheating thing is not somthing you need to deal with. i bet the 3 other children are with other women also. your prob should not date him anymore because of the cheating issue. If you do not want a baby with this man you can abort it but thats a whole nother issue on its self if you choose that. I would prob sugest trying to find some support group locally or if you are in collage services might be prodived for free. Any parents on your side yo could lean on, your still young and prob could use some advice and or guidence from someone other then your older BF.

i also am not sure if a cheater will always be a cheater, there is always a lesson to be learned after the 1st time. If sum1 really has no heart and still continues they dont value anyone because they dont value themselves. You mentioned hes insecure, thats normaly the biggest known flaw of a cheaters. id never cheat one some1 i was dating. If he really valued you the amount of energy he as wasted on cheating and the talks and make ups andbreak ups with you, he could of shown what you really mean to me. But hes only showing 1 aspect, he wants sex from you and prob knows he can get it. I feel cheaters only have sex on the brain, no love, nothing else, just do what they gotta do for sex. I dont think you have a BF either, and I bet you know this also but just need to hear it.

[smackie9]

I was in an abusive relationship yers ago, and he did the same old thing to me. If I broke up with him, he gave me all these I love you, I need you, I wont do it again, I will treat you better, blah blah blah. Thats all it was, was just words, none of it ever came true. So you hang in there, you can say no more! I've had enought! never again! You will get through this.....remember his words are empty promises.