Age difference

[MacGyver06]

I'm 23 years old, and I think I may be in love with my best friend. The problem is she is 16. We're online friends and I've known her for 3 years. I don't really have any serious relationship experience, so I can't say I know a whole lot about love, but I know that whenever anything happens in my life, she's always the first person I want to tell, and when I can't talk to her I always feel lonely. She's been the one I talk to about love problems, but I obviously can't talk to her about this, so I came here. Do you guys think I'm just mistaking good friendship for love? Do you think I should tell her about it? Or should I just suck it up and try to get over it?

[Evo1114]

Be her friend, nothing more. When she's 18 and you still feel the same way, you can be more than friends then. In the meantime, try to find somebody more age-appropriate.

Being in a relationship with her now could cause serious issues not only to her, but yourself as well. With a relationship, things eventually evolve into sex. Having sexual relations with a 16 year old will get you a couple decades in prison. Though I have no clue how Internet relationships work...if sex is even part of the equation. Still, being in any sort of romantic relationship with a 16-year old with or without sex is inappropriate.

Find some activities away from your computer and try meeting people so that you don't have to run to her whenever you need to talk to somebody.

[smackie9]

Not trying to be too harsh here but you need to grow up to have any kind of relationship experience. The reason you are in this position is that you are not socializing with people your own age. Do you have trouble asking women on dates? Do you suffer from anxiety?


Back off from this girl....she is still considered a child. She needs to be a teenager, and date teenage boys.....if you tried to have a relationship with her you will be robbing her of her youth. This is her time to go to parties, dances and hang out with friends, etc.

Its not appropriate for a 20 year old man be chatting and developing a friendship with a 13 year old girl. You need to step away from this and do what the other poster said, find others that are more your age. You are robbing yourself of having a real relationship, and getting any kind of experience as an adult. You need to make some changes in your life or you will turn into that creepy lonely guy.

[MaidenMinx]

If you guys were 10 years older, this would be a fine age gap. As it stands, you are coming off as creepy.

[HeartIsAching]

So you've been her friend since you were 20 and she was 13? That IS creepy.

[Evo1114]

Just wanted to add....I hope I'm not being too self-revealing here, but I have a 28-year old brother who is currently in year #2 of a 16 year prison sentence for 'dating' a 15-year old who he met on the Internet because he shared a common interest with a particular band with her. My brother had a lot of drug/mental things going on and he couldn't really relate to anybody his age. They were 'together' for 6 months and eventually the girl's father found out and my brother was toast. He will be considered a sex offender the rest of his life. Not only does it affect him, but also my parents have to live with 'parents of a sex offender' stigma for the rest of their lives. And the girl's life I'm sure is probably pretty messed up as well even if she was a willing participant in the 'relationship'...her parents I'm sure are affected to, as I'm sure the girl won't have much trust in them for awhile. Tread very carefully..everything you type on the Internet is traceable. Even if you never meet her face to face, if girl's father went on and found conversations that he didn't find appealing, he may come looking for your ass.

[blogaboutlove]

I think age does not matter in love and tell her that you love her.

[Cerby]

I think age does not matter in love and tell her that you love her.

Just plain bad advice. If there wasn't something that seemed wrong in the OPs head, he wouldn't have posted here. This 23-16 age gap would be good if they were 10 years older as mentioned above, but they're not.

[pizza]

I'm 23 years old, and I think I may be in love with my best friend. The problem is she is 16.

I'm personally not saying "don't be in love with her". Be her friend and wait until she turns 18. If she has feelings for you, she'll do something when she's 18.

Don't touch her before. Even though 23 year old guy with a 16 year old girl does not sound bad to me or probably to most people, it WILL sound bad to the law. You don't want to mess with that because you are over 21 and the law will trail you as an adult. What if you both fall in love with each other, you kiss her before she turns 18, her parents find out and they call the cops on you. In that case, you'd be in big trouble. Be careful.

Be her friend for now. But don't stop being attractive in front of her.

[Ric]

I do not know about the legality of your situation. Non-sexual dating is not illegal (that includes no kissing, no nudies, etc). Though, they might still make problems and just assume you guys are having sex.
The actual legality depends on the age of consent where you live. There are plenty of countries and states where it is actually legal.

Whether it's smart or not... probably not. Speaking from experience here. I was dating a 15 year old girl at 27, who I had known for many years and we were very close friends. She was into me for a long time, I eventually fell for her. Thinking about it for ages I eventually decided to go for it. I wasn't sure if it would be smart, but I figured I'd take the chance.
The experience hasn't been great. What I can tell you is that there is a huge difference between friendship and dating. When you date someone you tend to get to know them better, their expectations and everything. And then it's likely you'll find out the expectations are entirely different, and those things make it not work out well.
Not to mentions she'll likely respect you more if you wait till she's 18 and more mature.

My advice, ride it out for now. Wait till she's 18, if you still feel the same way you can admit your feelings and perhaps it will lead somewhere. And, maybe in that time you'll find someone else, or she'll find someone more age appropriate.

[Glea]

The age gap is a problem.
But the fact that you've been chatting with a cybergirl for years is an even more serious problem in my opinion.

What do modern young people do when they're at odds with themself? They make virtual crap.
So sad and vicious, because the more virtual is your life, the less you're able to connect with the real world (and get real dates with real girls)

[Fairydust]

If you guys were 10 years older, this would be a fine age gap. As it stands, you are coming off as creepy.

^^^Totally agree.

I would try and distance yourself from this girl until she is of an appropriate age. I also find it a little strange that as a 20yr old you became friends with a 13yr old - she was probably still wearing cartoon pyjamas and playing with dolls!

[smackie9]

I do not know about the legality of your situation. Non-sexual dating is not illegal (that includes no kissing, no nudies, etc). Though, they might still make problems and just assume you guys are having sex.
The actual legality depends on the age of consent where you live. There are plenty of countries and states where it is actually legal.

Whether it's smart or not... probably not. Speaking from experience here. I was dating a 15 year old girl at 27, who I had known for many years and we were very close friends. She was into me for a long time, I eventually fell for her. Thinking about it for ages I eventually decided to go for it. I wasn't sure if it would be smart, but I figured I'd take the chance.
The experience hasn't been great. What I can tell you is that there is a huge difference between friendship and dating. When you date someone you tend to get to know them better, their expectations and everything. And then it's likely you'll find out the expectations are entirely different, and those things make it not work out well.
Not to mentions she'll likely respect you more if you wait till she's 18 and more mature.

My advice, ride it out for now. Wait till she's 18, if you still feel the same way you can admit your feelings and perhaps it will lead somewhere. And, maybe in that time you'll find someone else, or she'll find someone more age appropriate.

Non sexual dating a minor IS illegal in most states in the US. If you so much as be chatting up a minor, even over the net will have you arrested and tagged as a sexual offender which will follow you for the rest of your life. Plus you will have to re register every time you move. Not worth the risk.

[kinks]

The age difference isn't necessarily bad, it's what age she is now that's not so great... I mean there's 11 years btween my bf and myself but it's not so bad cos i'm 21... if i was 16, it wouldn't be the greatest of ideas. Be there for her, see if you still feel the same way in a couple of years... If you do, make a move! Good luck

[rafterman]

Where I come from, you would be classed as a "cradle snatcher".