relationship problems..please no smart remarks.

[loslobos]

i am in the middle of breakdown due to a loss of a loved one after 9 years....i love her very much and would do anything for her..we arent married but lived together for 8 years...she has one kid18 years old and we dont get along all that good.anyways..she is a very beutiful woman and treated me like gold until about a year ago....she would do anything i asked for me and i would for her.she really went out of her way to be good to me.she has had a few relationships that really killed her do to the man cheating on her.i have always been faithful to her and i thought that was the reason she was so nice to me..cooks cleans house and a very good woman thats not on drugs..i always wanted to marry her but was afraid to.anyways onto the story...about a year ago we were having some very bad times in our relationship do to a loss job and someother family problems that led to me drinking to much and taking out my problems on her.anyways she was the only thing stable in life at that time and i told her i couldnt imagine loosing her to..we are like best friends and talk and do everything together.anyways i started noticing a major difference in her..she was leaving for work earlier and coming home later than usual .started excercising alot and starting to be a real pain to me..i figured there was someone else but she denied everthing.anyways we got in a argument one night and she wanted to leave.i was devasted and i pleaded with her to tell me the truth .anyways i did get my stuff and left and then the next day she admitted she had been talking to someone else for a few months and decided she wanted to be with them over me.it was a real heart breaker for me.then she had gone to stay the weekend at this mans house who lived 3 hours away that she had met thru her work.on sunday she had texted me from his house telling me she was sorry about that and that she loved me and missed me very much.she came home monday and wanted to meet me to talk..anyways she had swore on her own kids life that they didnt do anything and she had never lied to me before so i beleived her.she called the man in front of me and told him that she was going to stay and work it out with me.about 5 days later i found that she had another cell phone that she was still talking to him on.and i read some texts stating they did have sex and so on.i left again and she keep begging me back and said there was no way until he was gone.i caught her in so many lies it isnt funny.to fast forward some she did stop talking to him and we did get back together and now a year later we have split up again because we arent getting along good and i still want to be with her.we still talk everyday but usually ends in an argument.we have been seperated about 8 weeks but still do things together and have sex and so on.i figured it was another man but its not this time.if i go a few days not talking to her,,,she will start calling me or coming by where i live.but when i talk about getting back together she says no.i really love this woman with all my heart and want her back.she is my best friend and a lover.i think she is using me until she finds someone else or hell i dont know.this has been pure turmoil for me...ive lost 20 pounds and could car less if the sun come up.i could probably deal with a family death easier that this.she was the one i thought was for me and i understand it takes 2.i dont want to be bashed by people on here..just wanting some good advice from anyone who has it.sorry for such a long post. i just dont want to lose the love of my life without trying to rekindle it.and her family all hates me and really pushes her not to talk to me also. she is trying to get back with the man who used her and he wont have her.i know i have been thru more hell with her then i would have had with 10 women but she has been a very special lady to me before things got in this shape.we live in seperate houses and she comes to see me almost everyday..and we always talk on the phone.why would she want to hang on to me as a FWB when she would probably dump me in a second for this other man if he would contact her.

[Wakeup]

Walls

of

text

are

impossible

to

read.

[rafterman]

Your in denial something chronic, you said your afraid to marry her for good reason. Do you want a life filled with fear? Act on your own gut feeling and cut her away

[smackie9]

Cut her out of your life if she wants to play by different rules. Reality check: she does this because she doesnt want total commitment anymore. End it and move on...

[rafterman]

Yeah I agree with you o.p there are no bones in Icecream

[DarkHelmet82]

how many different women are you in love with? do you have a really large penis? Maybe she just wants some dick? Maybe you have a small penis but her vibrator is broken or she is too poor to buy batteries

[loslobos]

im proud of being an american..but i get the most childish remarks from people in the us.im in love with one woman.question 2..no im not very well endowed.question 3.we are far from being too poor to buy batteries.darkhelmet..please dont respond to any of my threads .thank you.

[rafterman]

Hey OP I gave you a childish response And I live in OZ. Ha Ha OP this woman isnt in love with you. Are you posting out of Disney Land?

[loslobos]

evidentally!!kings island..lol

[rafterman]

^^ I liked how you responded to DH's battery comment like he was serious LOL LOL

[DarkHelmet82]

u posted something in a different thread about a woman lying to you... so I'm assuming its a different woman/man//animal/manbearpig

[MerryH]

I know breakups are hard and that you're in pain, and all that, but you're being way melodramatic about this. Read what you wrote:

i am in the middle of breakdown due to a loss of a loved one after 9 years.

"Loss of a loved one" is an expression that is only used when someone dies. You may not use it when the girl you won't marry cheats on you then breaks up with you. Also, it's really unhealthy to think things like:

i could probably deal with a family death easier that this.

Come on, really?

There's a time to wallow and feel sorry for yourself and regret things, but you can't let that go on for too long. You've got to buck up and get over it at some point and deal with things like an adult, not a 14-year-old girl. It's been eight weeks, she doesn't want to get back together with you, and whatever it is you're doing with her isn't going anywhere. You should really consider removing her from your life for a long while and work on getting yourself into a better mental state.

[Enigmos]

"Loss of a loved one" is an expression that is only used when someone dies. You may not use it when the girl you won't marry cheats on you then breaks up with you.

Actually, a breakup of an intimate relationship is very psychologically similar to death. The OP is mourning the death of a relationship. When it comes to relationships, I think many people want that person that they can best friends, confidantes, have that special language that's just between them, and so on. When a relationship ends, you lose that special kinship. This is mourning. I don't think the OP is being melodramatic.

As for a legitimate response, there has been hurt on both sides: you to her and her to you. I think this would require work on both sides, but do you sincerely believe that both sides are willing to put down the swords and try to be friends again? If either of you are the kind of person where the trust, once broken, cannot be repaired, then you must go through the mourning process and move on. Delaying this would only prolong your pain.

Good luck.

[motherlydia]

I am going tru the same thing.. and dont want to lose him. plus we have a child together and its hard....