Can anything good come out of this? What would you do if you were in my shoes?

[Daisy415]

What would you recommend that I do?

This guy and I met 3 years ago, I was in my late 20's and we had a fling, I was very much in love with him. At the time, things ended in a way that made me not want to talk or see him for 3 years. When he first met me, he had also met someone new at the same time and he thought she was the better choice for him so as a result, I was kicked to the curb while he built a relationship with her. They've since been together for 3 years.

At the time, I felt very betrayed, used, frustrated, heart broken and angry. I was left in that mess alone while he moved on happily with someone else. About 4 months ago, he started texting me again every weekend and asked me to go out and meet up with him. I turned them all down except for the last time (I met him last weekend). He asked me to go out for a harmless drink to catch up so I agreed. (Wise choice?)

During our 30 minute conversation, he told me that he's in a search to validate his love for his girl. He explained to me that he started to text me again because him and his girl are on a temporary break from their relationship, he's the one that asked for the break because he needs to sort out if he really loves her. He wants to start seeing other people to explore possibilities of love else where as a way to help himself figure out if she's the one for him to settle down with. He's questioning if she is the one to be with because he no longer thinks of her like he used to 3 years ago, the spark has disappeared in their relationship. He told me that if he starts to have feelings for someone else then he knows she isn't the one to settle down with.

Anyways, we met up at a lounge, had a drink and chatted for 30 mins. Afterwards, he kept asking to come over so we could talk more. I got the impression that he wanted more than just to talk at (1am in the morning). So I asked him bluntly, "Do you want to have sex with me"? He replied "Yes". I told him I don't sleep around and I would become emotionally attached to him if we slept together. "I am going home alone". So away I went.

I've asked some friends for advice, some of them have told me to utilize this great opportunity to give him a taste of his own medicine. Do you agree? They have recommended that I carefully use what he wants from me as revenge. Is this a wise idea? Use his lust as bait to trap him and seek revenge? We were both very much attracted to each other and truthfully, my feelings were swept under and was never resolved.

What does he want from me? Can I believe anything he's telling me? What would you do in my position? Any help/comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[MaidenMinx]

Hun, he sounds like bad news.

Taking any sort of revenge is just silly. Nothing good will come of that.
It sounds like he just wants permission to cheat on his gf. He didn't break up with her, he asked for a break from her. 2 completely different things.

You ask us to put ourselves in your shoes. How about you put yourself in hers.

[Wakeup]

I've asked some friends for advice, some of them have told me to utilize this great opportunity to give him a taste of his own medicine. Do you agree? They have recommended that I carefully use what he wants from me as revenge. Is this a wise idea? Use his lust as bait to trap him and seek revenge? We were both very much attracted to each other and truthfully, my feelings were swept under and was never resolved.

You are not the type of person to be playing games. You'll lose big time so tell your so called friends (can't be very good ones if they'd give you that type of advice) that you're just going to tell him to fvck off because he wants to use you again and then likely keep his girlfriend while doing it.

This man is a player and he's almost got you in his game. Don't do it, you won't win because you're incapable of having sex without connecting it to love. He didn't love you then (he chose the other woman, poor her) and he doesn't love you now but just wants to use you to gauge his love for her... what a creepo... don't let him hurt you twice.

To Add:
*I do have to ask how you think giving him what he wants (unstringed sex) will be giving him a taste of his own medicine or how it will give You some kind of satisfaction from revenge?

[pisces25]

Run for the hills.

[MaidenMinx]

Run for the hills.

*sings* run for your liiiiiiife!

[devonbrown]

What does he want from me? Can I believe anything he's telling me? What would you do in my position? Any help/comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Let me just answer the questions you asked:
- He only wants sex from you. Nothing more. And once he gets sex from you he will probably disappear again.
- No, you can't believe anything he is telling you. Even if you did believe him, why would you want to? The truth makes him look like a douche as well.
- And help/comments? You don't really need any help or comments. You already did the right thing. Stick to it.

Unless you posted here hoping that someone would justify your desire to be with him again. I don't think anyone will really do that though. Unless you are willing to accept no-emotional attachment with the sex and are okay being the "other woman," then I don't think you would be happy with yourself either.

Listen to your head on this one.

Good luck.

[Rabbitt]

Don't even bother responding anymore.
**** that, he's looking for a hook up and thinks he can get it from you.


Send him 50 bucks so he can spend it on hookers if he wants to experience other women, thatll send the message.

[Fairydust]

I feel for you. I do. I was in a smiliar situation in that last year I got involved with a guy I really liked and he was still seeing other people at same time. I ended up with feelings for him and he ended up telling me he had met an amazing girl he wanted to be with...that wasn't me. It really hurts to feel like you are not good enough to be with someone you have feelings for. He treated you really badly and now things aren't going so well he has come crawling back becuase he knows you had feelings for him and he wants to use it to his advantage. And for him to openly admit that he only wants to try out other sexual relationships etc not even to make up crap about having always loved you or missed you etc just shows that he has no regard for your feelings. Tell him to jog on or you will end up hurt.

[TillyParker]

Have to agree with everybody else on this one. You definatly did the right thing. He sounds like trouble! I would stay well away from him even if it's hard putting your past feelings to one side. X

[Dank]

Also give him a slap from the loveforum community

[MissBunny]

Firstly - WELL DONE YOU for going home alone the night you met with him - that would have been a kick in the guts for him for sure

Don't do it - remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have been there - you WILL fall for him all over again and you WILL get hurt, could you ever trust this guy if you were to both give it a go? You'd drive yourself crazy and everyday would be a living nightmare - trust me.

You'd always know he was capable of this - he could be behind YOUR back with another girl trying to decide whether you're the one! Don't be that doormat. There is a good guy out there. Get yourself out of this hole - send him a text out the blue telling him that you don't want to hear from him ever again.

I'd be very inclined to finding this poor girl (is she his g/f on Facebook)?, meeting her and revealing him for the rat that he is - games I know but this poor girl could fall pregnant with his nipper, anything - you both need to run as fast as possible !

[HeartIsAching]

OP: Don't stoop to his game-playing level. The urge for revenge is rooted in a false belief - the belief that if someone hurts you, you have the right to hurt them back. It's childish and self-hurtful. Good for you for not going home with him.

I'd be very inclined to finding this poor girl (is she his g/f on Facebook)?, meeting her and revealing him for the rat that he is - games I know but this poor girl could fall pregnant with his nipper, anything - you both need to run as fast as possible !

Oh grow up.

[oldskool83]

stay away, youd do better asking some nerd in the bar on a date.