A question - how do you define sex?

[Mona_B]

I read here pretty often that people say, we don't have sex. But they do everything except penetration. For me it doesn't make a difference if you have oral sex or petting or intercourse, it is all the same. SEX

It kind of makes me laugh when people claim they "save" themselves for marriage, but do all the other things. And just because a woman still has her hymen because she wasn't penetrated, doesn't make her a virgin. Well, technically it does, ok.

You can be the biggest slut in the world and go as a "virgin" into marriage, this doesn't make any sense.

Now I am not for "saving it", not at all. But I think if someone claims that and has sex in all other variations, it is bigot.

What do you think?

[Wakeup]

I think the same way as you do, Mona. They don't call is oral SEX for nothing.

In my day the guys used to hang over at the Catholic shool because the girls over there were giving blow jobs like they were enjoying a lolly pop because they wanted to "save their virginity for the one they were going to marry." Meanwhile they'd had more pricks in them then a porcupine. (but not in their hoohoo of course) O.o

That's hardly being chaste like the term "virgin" implies

[Mona_B]

Well, I am happy we didn't have these issues when I was a teenager. We just "did" it and didn't worry about it, it was a normal thing. :-) Why are people making such a big thing out of sex, that they have to "save" it? And then lie to themselves about what they are doing?

[bulrush]

Well, I am happy we didn't have these issues when I was a teenager. We just "did" it and didn't worry about it, it was a normal thing. :-) Why are people making such a big thing out of sex, that they have to "save" it? And then lie to themselves about what they are doing?

Kids are discouraged from sex because I've personally seen 14 year old girls get pregnant at my school. It is just so sad, to effectively end your life and development that way. It's like being grounded for 18 years. And you KNOW the girl doesn't have enough sense to raise anything more than a kid who will end up in jail anyway.

[Mathias]

And you KNOW the girl doesn't have enough sense to raise anything more than a kid who will end up in jail anyway.

No, you don't know that. I know many people who had kids as teenagers, and worked past their mistake and are unbelievably good parents today.

It's a very dangerous stereotype, since it gives these young women zero chance to dig out of the situation in society's eyes. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone should have a chance to overcome them.

[Wakeup]

Yea, well I just wish they'd "overcome them" on their own dime instead of societies dole. (so many are on welfare and never get away from the cycle). Kudo to the others.

[quote]

Well, I am happy we didn't have these issues when I was a teenager. We just "did" it and didn't worry about it, it was a normal thing. :-) Why are people making such a big thing out of sex, that they have to "save" it? And then lie to themselves about what they are doing?

well, we did it but we worried about it that's why I went on the pill and prior to that we used condoms. They were easy to get then and they're giving them away for free now in clinics so I don't know why teenagers are getting pregnant in epidemic numbers. It boggles, it really does.

[smackie9]

If parents teach their daughters to be independent, encourage self worth and confidence, get them on the pill before they start having sex, there wouldnt be teenage pregancy.

[Mona_B]

Yes, of course we worried about getting pregnant. But in my case my mother went with me to the doctor the get the pill when she felt I was about ready for it. She was very practical and figured she can't stop me in my development, but she can make sure I am not getting pregnant. Of course at that time we didn't know much about the side effects of pills, but I never had any. But nowadays there are many possibilities for contraception.

I didn't know many girls my age who got pregnant, even when the parents were not so open. We got enough information elsewhere also what to do.

[Vanessa]

It kind of makes me laugh when people claim they "save" themselves for marriage, but do all the other things. And just because a woman still has her hymen because she wasn't penetrated, doesn't make her a virgin. Well, technically it does, ok.

Yeah, technically, it does, but saving yourself for marriage doesn't mean getting married with your hymen intact, it means not having any kind of sexual experiences with anyone prior to your husband, and

They don't call is oral SEX for nothing.

so I think it's very hypocritical how some girls claim they won't have "sex" before having a ring on their finger but take it in all available holes except for one.

True, if parents accepted their kids are very likely to have sex sooner than they wish they did and encouraged contraception, or actually made sure their children used protection, there would be less cases of teenage pregnancy.

Can't pin it all on the parents though. One of my friends from uni got pregnant because of her own stupidity - she never used *any* form of contraception and thought that if she hadn't gotten pregnant by that point she must be infertile so why bother. Well, turn out she wasn't.

[HeartIsAching]

To me, sex is sex... doesn't matter whether or not penetration is involved. I've even heard a couple of women (ok, girls) say they'd had anal sex so they could "stay virgins". To me they weren't virgins. I DON'T advocate waiting until marriage, but I do think that young people these days have sex far too soon. I know I did.

Personally, I think that if you're too embarrassed to buy condoms or get a prescription for birth control pills, you're still to immature to be having sex.

[Wakeup]

Originally Posted by Wakeup
They don't call is oral SEX for nothing.

Originally Posted by Vanessa so I think it's very hypocritical how some girls claim they won't have "sex" before having a ring on their finger but take it in all available holes except for one.

Well I suppose it depends on if they are being hypocritical or not depending on whether or not they actully have saved themselves. If all they've done is heavy petting then no, I don't think that would being a hypocrit. We're all only human after all and we were built for procreation so the urge to merge is going to be there unless they happen to be frigid a a-sexual.

the bottom line is that the word "virgin" used to be associated with being innocent and chaste. Those associations with the word no longer apply. IMO one's virtue is not about the hyman its about how promiscuous or not one has been.

[Mona_B]

That is right, I wouldn't say that about petting either.

I don't think anyones virtue has anything to do with promiscous or not. Why would it make you more of a "virtue"? We are not some objects. Some girls have tons of lovers until they meet the one they want to be with and this is fine, as long as they protect themselves. So what? They are having fun. And putting it in their heads, that they are less worth because of their sexuality, is bad. The only thing you can do wrong is having sex for the wrong reasons.

Or getting used by some "smart" boys talking them into blowjobs, because it is NOT sex. Of course girls do it because they think they have to make their jerk boyfriends happy. If these girls would be raised to be secure of themselves and and not have all this crap about "virtue" hammered in their heads, they would kick these guys to the curb and look for someone to treat them with respect.

[Vanessa]

I'm not talking about petting, I can't say I consider petting sex. It is something intimate but I was talking about girls who are ok with oral / anal sex but give the green light for their vaginas only after getting married. In the end it's each person's choice what they do with their body but as far as I'm concerned I think saving oneself for marriage isn't a very inspired decision.

[Wakeup]

I totally agree!

[girl68]

Depends in what context it's being used.

I agree that those who do everything but insert but claim they're "pure" and "waiting" is bullshit to me.

But when I use it in everyday language I'm usually referring to oral sex or penetration sex (foreplay aside from oral isn't really 'sex' to me)