Somewhat classic problem

[nestorz]

So, here's my story.
I'm 19, so is my (ex?) gf.
We started dating in april and we have been together almost every day until summer.
She went on holiday in july, I visited her and it was all great.
We have been separated since then, each of us with our families during the summer.
I knew the summer would be rocky and problematic because she said "things would change in her head".
We technicaly broke up for the summer (at her initiative) but we still talked every day.
She called me 2-3 times a day and I texted her 3-4 times a day (she has free calls, i have free texts).
None of us cheated or did anything harmful to our relationship over the summer.
In 10 days we are coming back to our city and I thought things would be better now...
But the last 10 days she called my only once a day and for
only a few minutes.
Today I called her and told her that I still want to be with her and
that our days together were the best days of m
life... She agreed ot was perfect for us
but also said that she changed completely and doesnt want a relationship anymore.
I told her theres no point in destroying a thing that is working
perfectly and is making us happy...
She said she will turn off her cellphone for 5 days and think about everything but at the
moment she is pretty much sure we wont be together again.

I dread her thinking, nothing good ever came out when a teenage girl was left alone to think about her relationship issues... If I could get 2 days with her, I would
easily win her back, but it seems thats exactly what she is trying to
avoid.

I know she isnt seeing anyone else, but she obviously
doesnt want to see me either.

We never fought or had issues, this distance and separation killed us.

I guess I need to be strong and just let her think, not bug her woth
my love and my thoughts...

I really want to keep this girl, she is special for
me and I would appreciate any advice.


What should I do, please tell me!

Tnx alot

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop all contact with her. Next time she contacts you, just tell her that you are always open to try again, but unless that is what she wants, you think it's best you two don't speak anymore. After that, don't respond to anything she says. You seem like a clingy guy, and I'd bet money that's one of the main problems. I can tell you're the type that's not going to take this advice and will probably eat up every little crumb she throws your way, as well as probably try to beg, plead, and/or reason your way back into her heart..not gonna work, but go ahead and try it so you can satisfy yourself(and push her away further). You need to cease contact and start bettering yourself, so that when she does come back, you're in a much better place and are actually attractive to her.

[nestorz]

Thank you very very much...
That's exactly my problem, I become clingy without realising it...
So I should just live my life and wait for her to approach me?
Thankfuly, I have good friends so I can keep myself busy and not contact her...

If you have any more advice, please say..

Thank you again, you read me like an open book

[richardwordoff]

I don't have much experience, but...

"We started dating in april and we have been together almost every day until summer." This sounds like way too much together time to be honest. She didn't have any time to think about you or miss you.

[nestorz]

So, when she contacts me I should just tell her that Im ready to start over but if she doesnt want to, I will let her go?
God, that seems so hard to say....
But I guess its my only option at the moment...

If someone else has anything to add, please do!

[Borealis]

If one person has backed up in the relationship its time to move on.

Do what other people won't do and recognize the signs and cut your losses. Its horrible staying in there hoping, wishing and pursuing when eventually it'll be a lot of time spent away from someone who truly cares and has the same sets of personal goals as you.

[im_in_love]

Sounds like she's found/interested in pursuing someone else.

[nestorz]

Ok, I made a decision...

I wont contact her at all, and try not to think about all this..
It is and will be awfuly hard but its the only way to save my pride and
actualy get my life back on track...

Maybe she is interested in someone else, maybe I was simply too clingy and pushed her away.. I cannot possibly know that so its better to just mind my own business...

If she misses me and calls me, Ill be reserved but leave all options open...
If she doesnt, it simply wasnt meant to be.

It would be great to make up with her, but Im still young and theres plenty more fish in the sea, Ill find my
luck someday

[nestorz]

So, she started contacting me and it's kinda nice but I don't see us getting anywhere with small talk.

I'm pretty sure she still has strong feelings for me, and I see she's happy to talk to me but she's still playing with me.
When she misses me, she calls me and when she doesn't, I'm completely unimportant to her.


After thinking about it, I decided to tell her I want to go NC because this is pointless.
I'll tell her someting like this:

" I'm not comfortable with our current situation and I believe it's the best for us to go NC.
I still want this to work but I will no longer sit around and wait for you to be with me (or not).
When you settle things in your head, call me. It's better that we break up rather than staying between a couple and friend like now."


Or something like that, what do you say?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds perfect. Just make sure it's clear you will only respond to her wanting to get back together. Then you have to go through with it and ignore any contact that doesn't explicitly state she wants to get back together. You will probably have to ignore a some things or hang up on her a few times before she comes around. You should also mention that it's time for you to start moving on and seeing other people at this point. You should also, actually be trying to see other people so you really can start getting over her. When she comes back, you'll have the option of whether you even want her or not.

[nestorz]

Told her to call me if she wants to be back together soon, if not, she doesn't have to call me at all because I have my own life and other things to do.

Game over!

[nestorz]

Ok, it's been 2 weeks since I last posted here...

We had some communication a day after my last post but then had a huge fight and haven't spoken since.

I'm doing fine, even better than I thought I would.

I'm going out, having fun, meeting new girls...
And above all, I'm finally accepting that we almost definetly won't get back together and it hurts less and less with each passing day.

She's completely confused, she misses me but won't admit it (I know because we share alot of friends), but it finally isn't hurting me.
Yes, I still miss her, sometimes alot, but I have other things to do in life while she is a mess and in a very bad place at the moment.

I still have her on facebook and it's killing her. She hates the fact that she has to see everything I do and all the fun I'm having. We both go out alot and lately she's been avoiding places where I go, even though those are her (and mine) favorite places.

There's really not much I want to ask you people, just needed to tell you how it's going.

And for my lovely ex, I can say only one thing. Karma is a b*tch, look who's a mess now

[nestorz]

Ok... Its been 2 weeks nc.
Today she sent me a message: "we need to talk"
I replied: "about what?
She: "I cant believe you didnt call me when you know everything Im going through"
Me: "I tried but you told me not to, I did the only thing i could."
She: "Ok, you made your decision."
Me: "when you stop acting like everything is my fault, maybe we'll talk. wake up and grow up."


Did I say the right thing?
Im sick and fed up with apologizing for things I didnt do, theres no way Ill have anything with her if she stays this way.

[HungryHippo]

I just saw and read the whole thing.

As a girl this is what's going through her head - BRUISED EGO. She can't believe that you've gotten over her and you're having fun already and that you haven't come and begged at her door!

As someone who sits and apologises for everything all the time - what you said is good in that respect, you did nothing wrong. She said not to contact you - so you just did what she said. If you talk again, remind her of that!

This is her way essentially of saying she wants you to fight for her. If you're happy without her, take this as your perfect time to say its totally over. If you're not, have a frank discussion about how pissed you are about everything she's done over the past month or so, highlighting her immaturity.

The fact that you were quite blunt at the end of your conversation is quite telling - what you said at the time was right for you, don't question it.

If you are doing as well as you say you are without her, carry on this way. You're not missing out.

At the end of everything, she obviously still misses you or else she wouldn't have wanted to talk. Hope that helps!

[nestorz]

Thanks, Its great to get a girls opinion!


If anyone else has some advice, please say