When relationships begin to come to an end...

[Davros]

There's no right or wrong answer to this question, only opinions.
But I'll ask all the same.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about two and a half years. We live together and since we moved in last year in my opinion.. It's slowly gone down hill.
I find myself feeling very bored and quick to anger. We hardly have sex anymore and when we do it lasts about a minute and is largely based on his orgasm. I find myself thinking about sex with other people alot of the time.
We get on well with eachother but were also very different. He'd happily stay in and play games all night whereas I need some sort of stimulation. I find myself wanting to hang out with my friends more and more instead of sitting on the sofa for another night.
We don't date anymore, we don't go out together much because he never wants to.
He senses something is wrong.. Well I've told him about these problems I'm having and he says we'll work them out.. When I went out the other night he said that he wanted to come with me next time.. Which is sweet but my heart almost dropped a little because he doesn't dance, doesn't really talk to any of my friends or make an effort like I do with his And it makes things awkward because I feel more like he's there to keep an eye On me and not because he genuinely wants to.

I don't know whether things are coming to an end.. I believe so.. I just keep thinking about how much I used to want to see him and how we went on little escapades and did things and now I feel as though I'm 40 years old and married. I'm only 22.
I've tried all the sex gimics it's not working out, we've gone out and stuff recently and it's been great and wonderful but it never lasts..
I sometimes feel like were just best housemates

Has anyone who has experienced the end of a relationship (where noone has cheated etc, just that the love died abit) describe to me how it happened.. Did you feel the same as here? Or different?

[Borealis]

You know what your problem is? You have it too good. You live in a modern world where everything is instant gratification.

What you are experiencing is the natural ebb and flow of a relationship. Mature people can grasp it and understand it. It doesn't always need to be exciting. Relationships can get dull but it requires effort on both parts to make it happen. It can get frustrating, but it requires an effort still to make it happen. You're trying to change him into someone who he isn't. He isn't outgoing, and he doesn't do the things you like to do. So bit it, but if you can a least find something good in him then go on. I assume the next relationship and the next after that will all dissolve to become this similar relationship unless you're absolutely true that your personalities don't match.

[RyanJWhite]

Hi my names Ryan, i feel like i might could seriously help you here. I'm not just trying to spam my website, I was browsing seen your post and I've helped people with the same issues your having. I mean your issues are literally right up my alley. I could leave you a long comment but its unnecessary. I would love for you to check out my site lawofattractionrelationships.blogspot.com. Just skip the section about me if you want and scroll down to the blue text and read my article on getting the most out of your relationships its great seriously. There is a lot of good advice on saving a relationship going downhill. This will help you at least a little bit I promise you.

[Davros]

I think that's a pretty unfair assumption.
I know plenty of people who have been together longer and don't have these problems.
Blaming it on a generation is ridiculous. My nan and granda and my mum and dad stayed together and were exceptionally unhappy. It didn't achieve anything.

I think a misunderstanding is that I don't try and make him do anything. I would rather go out with my friends alone, I would rather go out in general alone now. But it would be nice if I could find someone who actually wanted to come with me and had an interest in what I wanted to do.

My question was if anyone has experienced the disintegration of a relationship. Where you just don't feel as in love with them anymore. When it started off magical, you thought that they were one person.. But in the end you just end up living separate lives under one roof.

If a natural relationship 'ebb and flow' consists of no sex and thinking about other people for most of the time, arguements and sitting infront of the tv every single night, if thats all i have to look forward to then there is literally no point whatsoever.

[ilikesushi]

^Amen! Also, Borealis, if you're going to play the generation game then at least realize that each generation is bound to be different so you can't adhere the same old norms to each new generation (;

Davros, I completely understand where you are coming from. If you're looking for possible advice that can help you out of that nasty rut, I might be able to help you--but if you just need someone to commiserate with, I might not be all that useful ):
Although I haven't been with my boyfriend much longer than you (together for 3 years and a couple months, with some breaks in between), we have definitely suffered the 'disintegration' you talked about in our second year of dating. What happened is quite similar; he is more introverted and I more extrovert--yet at the same time he was unwilling to spend time with me and my friends unless it was to supervise. The sex also didn't matter at all, to me anyways (and of course the man has to fulfill his manly needs). Basically, we were just hanging on by a thread, and that thread was routine. The real question is, though, is if you sincerely want to get back together/if it's worth it, or if you just want a break and be free. If it's worth it, read on, if not, I'm pretty sure your best option is to just call it quits while you're still on good terms and not constantly fighting.

How Boyfriend and I got through the disintegration I actually have to credit mainly towards him. It was mostly my thinking that was the problem: he believed we could just muddle through and figure it out but I was getting fed up and wanted action. So Boyfriend stepped it up after hearing what I wanted changed. Of course, everyone has a different perspective so not everything that I wanted was executed precisely as I had imagined it. But I think it was the twist on what I thought I wanted that made things fresh again. Seeing Boyfriend go through all that effort just to change up our relationship also really made me appreciate him a lot more. Next time we hit a rut, maybe it'll be my turn to bust out some fancy moves for him (:
(As for the quick to anger part, if you guys get easily into fights, next time you have an argument instead of having an all-out shouting match, try the marker game. It might seem juvenile and reserved for kindergarteners but...well it works for some people :p)

That being said, I hope my experience brings some perspective to yours. But if all else fails, don't be too hard on yourself! Sometimes people are compatible as friends, but can't get along as lovers...Even if you are judged for breaking it off when it gets boring (which is kind of a moot thing to judge anyways), I'm sure you'll understand deep down that your happiness and well-being is more important than that. Good luck to you!

[Davros]

Great advice. Very true to home! Glad you worked things out!!