Self Confidence lost in current relationship

[john0607]

Hi all,

I've been dating a great girl for 2 months now and I've already started to lose my self confidence.

It happens every time I'm in a relationship.

I'm very confident when I'm single but the moment I start confiding in a partner I start to get insecure.

Maybe this girl isn't for me. I feel she judges me and isn't sensitive enough for a relationship. She actually admitted she needs to work on her sensitivity.

Any help please?

Jim

[AM0625]

Maybe you are right, maybe she is not for you. I truly believe that IF you are secure with yourself, but insecure in your relationship, it is very true that the person you are with can be making you feel insecure with her. If that is the case...run and don't look back because you will only prolong the inevitiable. A relationship, especially two months, you should be feeling awesome inside, not questioning it.

[NonTouch]

Hi Jim!
It sound like she has some insecurity too... then probably the best tips is to talk more with each other.
About your own self confidence, I would say to think about the worst that can happen. What is the worst that can happen with this girl? Do you think you could handle that i it happend? If you do, you don't have anything to worry about... I recommend you to sit down and think about the differences of being single contra in a relationship. What is it that make you so confident on your own? Try to make a positive image of how you are then, and use that today in your relationship.

Anders

[smackie9]

Dude meet someone that doesn't NEED to work on being more sensitive. AM0625 is right....maybe she isn't right for you. You want to be with someone that makes you feel good, comfortable and secure......stop fighting your way through someone else issues and making them yours....screw that. You should never "settle" just to have a GF. If your relationship expectations are not being met...especially this early in the game, then call it quits and seek out who is truly right for you.

[seeingstars]

Hey man,

I feel your situation. I've been there, a bunch. What my conclusion is that part of me wants that insecurity. Now this is twisted, and it may not apply to you but try it on and see. If you have any unconscious attitudes about relationships and women, how they work or how the woman should treat the man, those will pop up as soon as you are in a relationship. Unconsciously you may be searching out a person to play out this dynamic with you.

The question is, what is it about your gf that attracted you to her initially but was in fact an indication that she would be less than sensitive later on. When you pinpoint that, you'll get an indication that you've in fact been chasing what you have, and maybe you'll get some insight into why you do it.

This whole thing could be maintaining some mental structure that generates this insecurity in relationship, and figuring this out could have relationships be just fantastic for you....it did for me.

Hope that helps.

[VA-girl]

I couldn't agree more with you, AM0625

[prettygirl]

Maybe you should now yourself first before dating.

[IndiReloaded]

Compromise, yes. Contortion, no. The thing about emotional vulnerability is if you both do it, then you remain equal. This is why people who are very damaged make difficult partners. The other partner has no hope of matching their issues so a power imbalance develops.

[hyigigi]

Just you say that she is a great girl, maybe you still not enough to understood her and her situation. Give some more time for your partner. If you really love her, just think it that how to reduce your feel insecure. "Kechara Kurukulle" will help you.Perhaps She is the one of your partner. Wish you love her forever.

[Ea Scarlet]

I always lose confidence whenever I'm in relationship, especially the one I'm committed with right now. It is probably because he is a great guy and I don't have anything to compensate his traits, yet he loves me the most despite of this. I still get insecure and lose confidence which is why I always do something and achieve something great or even average thing to get loose. Balance your every part of your life and you'll feel great.

[lylufy]

Insecure feeling is the normal in love ! Why did you bother and want to give up so fast?
Love is sharing your feeling. If you had these worried things, why don't you tell her?
You can find all your answer : whether she is for you or not? why you feel insecure? what her feeling now?
2 months, no long, no sort, enough to both of you to go deeper in your soul !
Keep calm when you want to decide anything ! And thing about "what am I try to avoid" and "What aim I want to do" (the pros and cons).
Good luck !

[mrFrog]

If you feel insercue, it is your problem, not hers. Be honest. Why do you feel insercue? You fear to lose her? She flirts with other guys? She has higher values? She has better choices? You think you're so weak to keep your relationship on track?

[wisdomeze]

well john, if you are insecure, it then means something is leaking. I advice you try to study her cos jumping from one girl to the other would not help matters. Try see beyond the normal.

[smackie9]

Old thread.....