This is never going to end :(

[MerryH]

But i am nervous, i guess i will make a statement.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[asdfg789]

Im honestly not making anything up

That wasn't what I meant my dear. But what he did was totally outrageous and it is unthinkable that you and people around you will actually let him get away with it !!

If I were you :
1. talk to friends/family members and get their support on this
2. get a full medical report of your injuries
3. submit (2) together with your statement to local police
4. if (3) does not work, go to next higher level (provincial ? RCMP ?)
5. talk to a lawyer to get options on personal lawsuit
6. get counselling (there's something wrong when u still want him back after he has done all this)
7. move out of this town. go to calgary, edmonton, vancouver. where u r close enough to visit family but not within his web of tyranny

LFers who read your story are all supportive of you. You will get the same support from friends and family. Find the strength to fight your way out of this.

Good luck !!

[JadenMia]

That wasn't what I meant my dear. But what he did was totally outrageous and it is unthinkable that you and people around you will actually let him get away with it !!

If I were you :
1. talk to friends/family members and get their support on this
2. get a full medical report of your injuries
3. submit (2) together with your statement to local police
4. if (3) does not work, go to next higher level (provincial ? RCMP ?)
5. talk to a lawyer to get options on personal lawsuit
6. get counselling (there's something wrong when u still want him back after he has done all this)
7. move out of this town. go to calgary, edmonton, vancouver. where u r close enough to visit family but not within his web of tyranny

LFers who read your story are all supportive of you. You will get the same support from friends and family. Find the strength to fight your way out of this.

Good luck !!

Thankyou, i want to do this all so badly. I want to be the better person, i think he deserves the shit it will get him into if i do.. I dont want to be a nervous wreck when i want to go out with friends, its tearing me apart..
Even if i can get some sort of restraining order against him so that he cant be anywhere i go.. Or something i dont know. On my way home from work i am going to the police station and making a simple report and just see what they say.
Moving is definitely on my list now, i dont want to be around all these stupid people.. If this happened where i come from, he wouldnt be living, let alone living it up free to do what he wants.

I am so nervous though.. Ugh i dont even know what im feeling.. I am going to call that hotline posted here tonight when i have time also. I wonder if they would be able to point me in the direction of some councelling close by to where i live or something? I *really* do need it. I know i do, i know i shouldnt be feeling what i am so that is one thing i would really like to look into. I feel brainwashed to be honest.. Dont know what im thinking, feeling, if its right to be feeling this, if im making a big deal over nothing.. UGH i dont know.
Last night i was up pretty much the whole night, i was having vivid nightmares and up every hour, its been awful.. I cant wait for this to be all over for me.. I just want him out of my life for good.

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everybodies feedback and support, it helps alot. It helps me feel not so insane or wrong.. Thankyou.

[DarkHelmet82]

have you pressed charges yet? (sorry i didnt read every post)

[rafterman]

Holy shit, Jaden. Holy shit.

Please consider pressing charges. This isn't something that anyone can just pass off as relationship drama. You are a single woman who was trying to mind her own business when someone came up to you (unprovoked!) and assaulted you. Call the police and if they won't do anything, take it further. Call that hotline that was posted and ask them what to do if the cops refuse to act. You can not let him get away with this. Don't worry about looking stupid or causing drama for him. It is his behavior that will cause trouble for him, not you. You are not at fault for this. If everyone hates you for it, they are wrong, not you. **** those small town small-minded idiots. **** them.

I worry that if you do nothing now, then you're going to be at risk of being assaulted every time you leave your home. Or maybe you'll be too scared to leave your home. Either way, you shouldn't have to live like that. Don't do nothing about this, Jaden.



Don't be a dick. She wasn't issuing an ultimatum, she was trying to be supportive and show solidarity. It was a nice gesture.

Rafterman, Merry hit the nail on the head. I really do NOT want to go to the cops and have to describe and relive what happened to me. I know I should though. My hope was/is Jaden will see it as a supportive gesture, not the ultimatum you imply it is.

I rest my case, I just hope he isnt a repeated offender, for the whole world sake???? I just hope Merry H wakes up one day...probably not.

[JadenMia]

Well, i went today and reported it. Didnt press charges yet, they said they had all the evidence they needed, texts, cuts, bruises and all. I am going to think long and hard about it tonight, speak to my friends and family and then decide what to do.. Tonight i will be looking into councelling also.
F*ck im just dying inside... I feel ill...

[Wakeup]

From my understanding, once the cops have hard evidence they don't need you to press the charges. They are automatically suppose to arrest him and then get a peace bond put in place (if nothing else).

A guy I know just got thrown in jail over night for harrassing a girl over text messages. He speant the night in jail and had to go before a judge a few weeks later who decreed that he could not contact her or be near her in any manner or he would be arrested again.

What exactly did the police say they were waiting for?

Good for you for going to them.

[MerryH]

I rest my case, I just hope he isnt a repeated offender, for the whole world sake???? I just hope Merry H wakes up one day...probably not.

You don't know what you're talking about. Please shut the **** up.



Jaden, good job reporting it. You should be very proud of yourself.

[JadenMia]

From my understanding, once the cops have hard evidence they don't need you to press the charges. They are automatically suppose to arrest him and then get a peace bond put in place (if nothing else).

A guy I know just got thrown in jail over night for harrassing a girl over text messages. He speant the night in jail and had to go before a judge a few weeks later who decreed that he could not contact her or be near her in any manner or he would be arrested again.

What exactly did the police say they were waiting for?

Good for you for going to them.

They just asked me if i wanted to take it further and for them to go arrest him. I dont know if i want the trouble of it all.. I dont know if i can handle it right now.. So i said i didnt know if i wanted that right away.. That i was still seriously upset about it and that i was scared of the consequences that it might bring if everything gets brought into the open. They just explained everything would be okay and i could report if anyone said anything or threatened anything... But would not yet do anything and would wait on my word when i was ready to do so. Which i appreciated as i just feel horrible today about everything and feel scared about everything that will come if they go to his house..
He lives with his brother so he will automatically know, then everyone will know.. I just dont feel ready to handle it all.. I dont know, i cant think straight today i feel f*cked..
They just took pictures of my marks, recorded the texts and said all the evidence is in place when i was ready.
I dont know if i want to do this

[misombra]

i don't think you should involve the police.

i have a friend who's had her boyfriend arrested numerous times and has gone out for restraining orders more than once and she lives with him and has his kid. let the police deal with the very few people who want to get out of their shitty situation.

[misombra]

She lives in Canada. She doesn't have to fear that kind of horseshit. .

i don't have to deal with it here where i live either. i have two enormous dogs, and guns. plus i make better choices and don't get with guys that are violent.

[Wakeup]

Sorry, I'm not seeing what that has to do with your post about her may being afraid to report it because the children's aid might get involved. How are guns and big dogs going to keep her child with her?

BTW: Not sure if you read that she doesn't live with him anymore.

[quote]

They just asked me if i wanted to take it further and for them to go arrest him. I dont know if i want the trouble of it all.. I dont know if i can handle it right now.. So i said i didnt know if i wanted that right away.. That i was still seriously upset about it and that i was scared of the consequences that it might bring if everything gets brought into the open. They just explained everything would be okay and i could report if anyone said anything or threatened anything... But would not yet do anything and would wait on my word when i was ready to do so. Which i appreciated as i just feel horrible today about everything and feel scared about everything that will come if they go to his house..
He lives with his brother so he will automatically know, then everyone will know.. I just dont feel ready to handle it all.. I dont know, i cant think straight today i feel f*cked..
They just took pictures of my marks, recorded the texts and said all the evidence is in place when i was ready.
I dont know if i want to do this

They said they would wait on your word? Uhmm sorry, don't thinks so. Not unless the laws are different there then they are in Ontario. By law they HAVE to charge him with assault. They changed the rule about leaving it up the the battered person a few years ago because of woman like you who are afraid to do anything but let it keep happening.

Assault is a chargeable offense and it's not up to the person being assaulted to decide if he should be charged or not. The only thing you would have control over is whether or not you testified. However; since they have an unbiased witness I don't even think they need your testimony to convict him after all if a stranger assaulted me like he did you, he'd be automatically arrested and charged, they wouldn't wait for me to approve it. Something doesn't add up there.

[JadenMia]

[QUOTE=Wakeup;751906]Sorry, I'm not seeing what that has to do with your post about her may being afraid to report it because the children's aid might get involved. How are guns and big dogs going to keep her child with her?

BTW: Not sure if you read that she doesn't live with him anymore.

They said they would wait on your word? Uhmm sorry, don't thinks so. Not unless the laws are different there then they are in Ontario. By law they HAVE to charge him with assault. They changed the rule about leaving it up the the battered person a few years ago because of woman like you who are afraid to do anything but let it keep happening.

Well thats what the cab company said to me too, they said as soon as they had the evidence they would just go ahead and do it if i dont call them back in the next day or so.. They said they have dealt with this so many times lately, and have drove people to the cop shop after seeing their spouse beat them or the aftermath of a beating. And after the victim hasnt given the go ahead they just go arrest them on their own terms.. But the cop didnt say they would do that to me? She didnt mention they would..

I specifically asked them not to do anything until i had spoken to friends and family, which i will be doing so tonight and they agreed. I know that im going to call them tonight and say i am ready.. I just wanted to talk about it first and feel a little better about everything because right now i just feel abit alone and down about it.. I want him to pay for what he has done.. I want him to finally take some responsibilty for everything that he has done and for it to be no longer my fault. I am nervous as hell to deal with this.. I dont have any idea how people are going to react about it.. Im scared..
But i know its the right thing to do. I am going to go down with my mum tonight and say that im ready to do it. I am thankful they have been so cooperative and helpful.. I just need to slap myself out of feeling like a victim and start taking things into my own hands and dealing with them accordingly.

Ahhh.. frick am i nervous.

[Wakeup]

Jaden: Just checked ina google search.

[url=http://www.slsedmonton.com/family/domestic-abuse/]Legal Information on Domestic Abuse in Alberta[/url]

The police can decide to lay a criminal charge against your abuser if they have reasonable and probable grounds to believe that a crime took place. This just means that they must think that your abuser committed a crime against you. They may decide to arrest your abuser and take him/her into custody. Within 24 hours of the arrest, an arrested person has the right to a bail hearing. At the bail hearing, a judge or justice of the peace will decide if it is safe for the arrested person to be released until the next court date. If the arrested person is released, you can tell the police that you are afraid of your abuser and ask that conditions be placed on their release prohibiting that person from contacting you. The police have recently set guidelines for notifying victims of an accused's release. It is important that you know that the police or Crown Prosecutor only notify you when they believe you are at a high risk.



If the police decide not to arrest your abuser but do still charge him or her with assault, he or she will be given an Appearance Notice with information on it with required dates and times about reporting for fingerprints and the first court appearance. As many offenders are released with an Appearance Notice, you should inform themselves as to the conditions of release. You can do so by contacting the police or the Crown Prosecutor's office. You should inform the police immediately of any breach of release conditions. If the police decide that there is not enough evidence to charge your abuser at all, you can ask that the decision be reviewed by the officer’s supervisor or you can “lay a private information” against him/her. This is discussed later in this pamphlet under Your Legal Options - Criminal Assault Charges. You may also choose to pursue your remedy in civil court with a QBPO.

This is way different than in Ontario.. Except that they do indeed have enough evidence of an assault and they should just go and get his ass regardless of you not wanting them to just yet because you're afraid.

I am going to go down with my mum tonight and say that im ready to do it. I am thankful they have been so cooperative and helpful.. I just need to slap myself out of feeling like a victim and start taking things into my own hands and dealing with them accordingly.

Ahhh.. frick am i nervous.

Good. Hopefully facing the consequences of his actions will force him to change. Hopefully the judge will order him into alcohol rehabilitation and anger management courses. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[misombra]

[QUOTE=JadenMia;751913]

Sorry, I'm not seeing what that has to do with your post about her may being afraid to report it because the children's aid might get involved. How are guns and big dogs going to keep her child with her?

BTW: Not sure if you read that she doesn't live with him anymore.

she is obviously vulnerable to this guy. it's sad but true, that most girls go back to an abuser over and over again. i don't doubt the possibility that she might let him come back despite the brutality, involvement of the law, pressure of others, or whatever. when you invite such drama into your life you something is going by the wayside and that is, in every case where there are some, the children of these people.