How Common is it for people to think marriage, kids is unnecessary?

[Ric]

I don't really care either way. Marriage isn't needed for me. But, if I meet the right girl and she does want to get married I won't break up over that. Granted, it would depend on how much marriage means to her. If she expects a huge ring and all that, she's not the girl for me.

Kids, however, is different. At this time I don't want kids. Any girl I date I will tell that from the start. I might want kids in the future, but it's not a promise I can make..

[Vanessa]

I do want to get married one day, I think it would be great with the right person, but I don't want an expensive circus wedding. I'd rather have a small ceremony and use all that money to go around the world for instance. And I hate kids. Sometimes I think I might change my mind but spending two days with my sister's son brings me close to a mental breakdown.

[Jenswaiting]

I would still like to get married and have children. But I'm okay with it if I don't have children. I'm not religious, just somewhat traditional.

[MaidenMinx]

I never thought I would get married, and I never thought I would have kids.

Falling pregnant kinda changed my mind about having kids (still don't like kids as a general rule, but I now realise I actually dislike lazy parents more than bratty kids because often the lazy parents cause the bratty kids) and once I had that child, marriage became appealing. Hubby and I didn't marry to prove anything to anyone, we married because we wanted to share the same surname.

[jappe]

I agree with you for most of the post.

Marriage is a bit of an outdated concept which hasn't quite shifted with the modern western mentality a lot of us share. Today you live in a world which lies full of potential experiences waiting for you around the corner. With society growing less and less religious a lot of us are raised with the notion that we only live once, so we need to make sure we've had a hell of a life before Mr. Reaper comes to make quick ends with it. Ironically this elevated standard of living is probably the most important reason why the wealthiest of countries deal with the highest levels of depression ...but I'm kind of drifting away from my point here...

This mentality reflects in relationships. People are less and less likely to stay together their entire lives because they'll sooner bail out when it stops feeling right. If today you hook up with someone who isn't too conservative in mind, marrying might not be the best option for you. With roughly 50% of current marriages ending in divorce, your concern is everything but paranoia. I think you can have a very satisfying relationship without marriage (or children), yet modern society still dictates (or at least hints) that "marriage" is still the ultimate way for a couple to be together. That's why I think, a lot of people still desire marriage even if they don't really "need" it. It's comparable with having children, or not having them. Although children are de facto the reason people instinctively want to hook up, so it is not surprising that couples with children generally stay together longer than those without. Still, you do the world a favour by not having children (that's not a personal insult, just the ascertainment that the world is getting heavily overpopulated ;-) ), so I can only root for that as well.
I honestly think that not marrying (or at least not marrying right away) is today's best choice. If you somehow end up spending an entire life with the same person without marriage, you can rest assured it was because you two loved and cared for each other and you wasted nothing.

Still I'm not "fully" against marriage. It has some benefits as well. I reckon today some couples are giving up too fast on each other. That extra barrier of marriage probably has saved and restored a lot of relationships where unmarried ones would have permanently split. It's the other side of the coin where people stay unhappily together. Also I believe the older you grow, the more you'll desire to have that one special person. I think the happiest people amongst the elderly are those who have someone they share several decades of memories with and in ones last years it's probably incredibly gratifying to really having had that "soul mate".

Me personally, I find the topic of marriage not too defining in a relationship. If my girl really wants to get married, then I won't give her up just because I don't happen to find it ideal. Should she hate the idea, then we'll really won't either. If she doesn't have a strong wish on the subject like me, then I would suggest myself to start with a long mariageless relationship, and if it's proven to still feel right after 20 to 25 years, to just get married for the laughs of it. Gives you a small prospect, and a potential marriage which isn't very likely to end up in divorce. It's kinda like having your cake and eating it too.

The decision of kids however is more fundamental, and definitely a relation maker or breaker. Pro or contra, doesn't matter, just make sure you're on the same level as the misses here.

Sjeez talking about writing a book :p off to bed now.

[MaidenMinx]

Great points ^^

The 'what if there is something better?' mentality is what kills marriages. Before hubby and I got married we discussed 'shutting the exits'. Once we had decided to marry, that was it, no if's but's or maybe's, this is it. The word divorce doesn't exist in this house. The fact the neither of us believe that there is someone better out there for us helps a lot. I can't imagine there being a better man for me any where in the world. If he passes before me, I'm pretty sure I'll either join a convent or jump the fence. He is the only man I will be with for the rest of my life.

[kageri]

The pomp and circumstance around them is really expensive and marriage itself causes lots of legal changes/problems. If you really love someone and want to be with them why don't you both just be adults and commit to each other instead of having to make it so official?

You don't have to do any of that crap to get married. It's as cheap and simple as you want to make it. I never thought I would get married but those legal issues have just as many benefits as negatives. Insurance being a major one if one person has a job with much better benefits or just plain has a job when the other doesn't. Then there are tax breaks and if something should happen to one person the other then both has the ability to make decisions on their behalf or gets the life insurance and possessions. Without marriage or some other document in place things can become quite complicated if something bad happens. I took a couple trips to the er in too poor of condition to communicate and if I wasn't married they would not have been able to listen to much my husband said and would have tried to get a hold of my mom who didn't know anything about the situation or my recent health problems.

Our marriage involved a whole 1 month of planning. We were going to try to declare a domestic partnership instead but that's a lot more complicated and has a ton of requirements. Marriage just requires contacting the proper official, 2 witnesses, and signing a document. That was my wedding. It took longer to drive in to town than to get married. We did order some rings but they are titanium with a $5 sapphire from cascadia design. They look pretty much just like this [url=http://www.cascadiadesignstudio.com/titanium-ring-CA50.htm]Stone Set Anodized Titanium Ring[/url] . Diamonds are overpriced white rocks and gold is overpriced weak metal I would have destroyed within the month. I somehow scraped a small groove in my titanium band which has everyone wondering how I still have fingers if I can damage aerospace grade titanium. Downside is while they are correct in saying it can be cut titanium requires a special cutting tool should it need removed and they don't generally stock those on ambulances or in small hospitals.

[tremolo]

Why are you so into marriage then? What does it give you that a long-term, stable relationship doesn't?

Marriage to me is a sign of lifelong commitment. If a man refused to marry me, or said he didn't want to marry me, I would be inclined to believe that he wanted a relationship with an escape hatch, and I would end the relationship.

[MaidenMinx]

Marriage to me is a sign of lifelong commitment. If a man refused to marry me, or said he didn't want to marry me, I would be inclined to believe that he wanted a relationship with an escape hatch, and I would end the relationship.

Yay for this!
Make sure though Tremolo, if you do find the man you want to marry that he understands that the exits are closed once that piece of paper is signed. Have that conversation before you marry. Unfortunately a lot of people go into marriage thinking 'hey, if it doesn't work, we can always get divorced'.

[tremolo]

Yay for this!
Make sure though Tremolo, if you do find the man you want to marry that he understands that the exits are closed once that piece of paper is signed. Have that conversation before you marry. Unfortunately a lot of people go into marriage thinking 'hey, if it doesn't work, we can always get divorced'.

Without a doubt! If I ever seriously discuss marriage with a partner, he will know full well that marriage for me is forever - excepting any form of infidelity, in which case I will be outta there. I will of course expect him to feel the same...

[MaidenMinx]

You know, I might be weird in this respect but if hubby cheated it wouldn't necessarily mean curtains for the relationship. I think I would have to know all of the why's before I could say "this isn't just a pothole, it's a detour. Good bye" If the whys could be eradicated I would work on eradicating them.

I can't remember if 'til death do us part' was part of our short vows (saying them was a blur) but even if I didn't say it, I surely meant it.

[tremolo]

You know, I might be weird in this respect but if hubby cheated it wouldn't necessarily mean curtains for the relationship. I think I would have to know all of the why's before I could say "this isn't just a pothole, it's a detour. Good bye" If the whys could be eradicated I would work on eradicating them.

I wish I could be that forgiving, but my pride would get in the way...

[MaidenMinx]

I wish I could be that forgiving, but my pride would get in the way...

lol. I wish I could be that proud.

[kageri]

Even if the cause could be fixed I'd never trust that another reason wouldn't come up and have the person doing it again.

[MaidenMinx]

Even if the cause could be fixed I'd never trust that another reason wouldn't come up and have the person doing it again.

Trust can be repaired. It's not the absolute that everyone makes it out to be. There are degrees of trust.

My insecurity and hubbys habit of needing secrets nearly killed our trust in the beginning. I refused to throw away our relationship over something that was fixable.