Feeling guilty after breaking from a 6 year relationship

[AMDB5]

I will keep this short, I broke up with my g/f recently, I'm talking days ago. We were together 6 years. Without a doubt she was the most caring loving person I ever met or will ever meet. I never met anyone that cared for me so greatly. She supported me helped me in life for 6 years, and yet I just don't feel that intense attraction to her, I feel more of a friend vibe when around her.


I felt this about the fourth year mark and just forced myself to be in the relationship because I know she does not handle bad news well. After burying this feeling for two or three years I started getting sick frequently from all the stress knowing how I felt and her not knowing how I felt and not expressing myself to anyone. So long story short, I told her and of course she is heartbroken and wants how things were. I feel so guilty because she is the best person I ever met and truly cared about me. I talked to a few people and they all seem to say "Your are not responsible for other people's emotions"


I just need someone to talk to and help me, thank you very much for your time.

[maxmax]

You had to tell her, and you did.

The only thing you have to feel guilty for is not doing it sooner.

There isn't much else you can do, and she needs to know that things cannot go back to how they were before.

Hopefully in time you'll be able to go back to being friends.

[Vanessa]

You couldn't force yourself to be in a relationship with her if you didn't want to just so you wouldn't hurt her feelings with a break up. I don't how on earth you made it two years with that feeling. She'll be fine in time.

[AMDB5]

Thanks for the replies, I greatly appreciate it.

[pisces25]

You have a conscience, that's good. But don't feel guilty, if she is as nice as you say she will find a guy down the track that is banana's about her and will be very happy. No-one would want to be with someone that wasn't 100% into. Good luck moving on there will tough times but you can come here for support if you need... we've all been through it.

[AMDB5]

Thanks everyone, more posts would be great, I was feeling good but now I feel sad again, it goes up and down but I know I did the right thing, she just feels like a good friend to me. Once I get my life more secure I will think about finding a new gal.

Any more posts would be greatly appreciated.

[AMDB5]

bump, thank you for your time

[pisces25]

You need to be a bit more clearer about what you want people to say. If you just need advice on getting over a 6 year relationship spend some time perusing the Broken hearts forum as there is a LOT of good stuff on there from people that have been in similar situations. If you have a particular question relating to your situation, ask away!

If you are looking for validity that you did the right thing well we can not give that to you. You need to work on getting over this guilt. It will eat you alive.

[AMDB5]

Thanks Pices, yeah I just need advice.


Thank you!

[Ric]

I agree, You did need to break up with her. Only should have done that a lot sooner. It's basically like you wasted 2 years of time for the both of you. I admire wanting to stick in there, but sticking in there isn't always the right thing to do.

No worries, she'll be fine in time. And you'll be fine in time as well, while you slowly get over your guilt.

[AMDB5]

Sorry to bring this old thread back, Recently she said she wants to be friends, so I said okay, but get this, she wants me to move back in and live with her? Is she being selfish? I made it clear that I don't want to be in a relationship with her, friends is fine. Is this an act of selfishness from her?

Thanks for your time.

[Lifetime]

I don't know if it's an act of selfishness but I can definitely say it's probably not a good idea no matter the intentions.

[AMDB5]

Thanks for the reply.

[lostabroad]

Hi AMDB5,

Having been on the other end of a tough break up recently, I do admire the fact that you stuck with it and tried for 2 years. My boyfriend told me after 1 week of seeing me that he didn't think it would work and we'd be unhappy together which broke my heart of course. My question for you is, do you ever foresee loving this girl in the future? I know it's a question that is probably impossible to answer. Is she usually the one contacting you right now or are you both? Do you think if she were to cut off all contact you'd want to still be around her?

[Gypsybell]

What you have to realize, mate, is that you are going through a grieving process every bit as valid as the hurt your ex is feeling and it will take time to pick up the threads of a new life with the absence of the qualities you valued. You cared for this girl in a real way or you would not have stayed as long as you did. And she was your friend as well as a mainstay of your everyday existence. In choosing to let her go instead of using her for a comfort zone, you have ultimately taken a brave step for your own life develpoment, plus done the hard yards for her. She may not see it that way at this point, but few relationships break up without warning. the odds are she felt the absence of spark in your relationship and was just settling for it, too. Mediocrity is not enough to build a life on. Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't undersetimate the power of nostalgia for comfort zone friendship that may draw on you to return to her if life doesn't deliver on cue. It would not work a second time, either. You thought long and hard before you ended it. It was the right decision, as much for her as yourself. Find a personal challenge (work, trip, sport) to tide you over the greiving period. A good tip to finding the person you seek is to be the person you want to be, If you are not, then work on it! I wish you well, The Gypsy.