Toxic Relationships

[Duder1000]

Hey Guys/Girls

What was the worst thing a member of the opposite sex has ever done to you? Anyone have any detailed stories. I'm in a pretty crappy spot, and I know it sounds petty, but misery loves company. Its always nice to hear what other people been through so you can put your life in perspective...

[Cerby]

I dated a girl for a few months a while back who wanted to "take it slow". She kept telling me that she didn't want to have sex with me and wanted to wait to make it special. Turns out she was just waiting for another chance with her ex. I feel like she stole a few months of my life, but I learned a lot from that situation.

[MaidenMinx]

My ex was emotionally and mentally abusive. He was a control freak too.

Examples: we were pot heads together, smoked all day every day. My ex would yell at people if they tried to clean our cone piece.
He broke my nans (deceased) lamp by throwing one of our cats into it.
He had the cats so scared they would literally shit themselves when he yelled. One day one of the cats was so freaked out she shat while she ran. That was a bad clean up. Oh and guess who got to clean it up and calm down the cats?
I was all kinds of 'stupid', 'slutty', 'nasty'.
He would make me do things in the bedroom I was not comfortable doing. (I discovered quite some time after we broke up he had been wearing my clothes and underwear too)
He would 'allow' me to go out clubbing with friends and then spend the next day abusing me for leaving him home alone and accuse me of all kinds of horrible things.

When we broke up, he wouldn't let me get all my stuff back. I went over there around half a dozen times to get everything. Each time he would let me take a certain amount of stuff and then tell me to stop and throw me out of the flat. He only got physically abusive after we broke up. The last time I went back to get stuff, I wanted to take the cats. He told me I could only have them if I paid all his bills. I was 4 months pregnant at the time with my beautiful son so I decided that I would have to leave them there because it was getting too scary to do anything more. 2 years later I decided I was going to go back and confront him. When I arrived, one of the cats (my favourite) was sitting outside. I stroked him for a while, talking loudly to test if my ex was in ear shot. He didn't seem to be so I grabbed my cat and ran. I don't know what happened to the other cat or the rest of my stuff.

[lost_girl]

After nearly 3 years of trying to figure out the source of our problems, I recently discovered I'm with a commitment phobic person. To make matters worse, it's a long distance relationship. Granted, we do visit each other and call and email, but it's been a hellish rollercoaster ride full of wonderful high moments mixed with extremely low points. I've suffered severe depression because of it and have, at several points, contemplated suicide.

My girlfriend has been my number one best friend who has been there for me. We've known each other for 4 years and been together for 3 of them. She cares about me and has done her best to work on the relationship with me. But at the same time, she can be cold and cruel. She has no issues being physically/emotionally flirtatious with other guys. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, in fact. She gets upset whenever I tell her to respect our relationship and accuses me of being selfish as well as suffocating her. I no longer can email or call her every day because she gets annoyed, even though she'll happily make time for her friends. Whenever I try to express myself or point out issues with our relationship, she finds a way to flip things around and make me be the immature person responsible for our 'relationship' problems. I can't get her to kiss me anymore either. Any time we're together she's afraid of intimacy with me, yet, will tell me about all the people she's been with. Of course, she expects me to be friends with all her ex's and not feel jealous if they flirt with her or she flirts with them. I also have to be OK with her having lunch or dinner with guys who are into her. Sadly, whenever I threaten to leave she immediately becomes warm and emotional again and finds a way to reel me back in. Also, while she expects me to be OK with guys flirting with her, she is not ok when someone flirts with me.

I don't know how long I can hold on to this relationship even though I do care about her and do know why she's afraid to commit to me (her previous 'girlfriend' emotionally scarred her). It's been toxic for both of us. Both of us agreed that by the end of summer, if things haven't gotten better, we'd break up. However, i made it clear to her that I have no intentions of keeping her in my life, not even as a friend. I need to move on with my life. I can't have someone who has emotionally stepped over my heart, still be in my life and get the impression that I'm 'OK' with it.

[MaidenMinx]

Oh Hun. So lost girl, I'm guessing your gf is bi and you aren't? That is probably an issue by itself. My mum is in a kinda similar scenario except her gf is actually quite nice, just hasn't decided which side of the fence she is on (yes my mum is a lesbian). It's causing mum undue heart ache because she knows exactly what she wants.

Not sure what I'm trying to say other than I can sympathise.

[lost_girl]

We're both bi, which does present another big challenge. Whereas I 'came out' to my family, she hasn't. I understand why she wouldn't and would never pressure her to. Her community is full of highly religious ppl who are against bisexuals, so I understand why she'd keep me hidden. However, there are times when I feel she also uses that as an excuse to keep her options open for other people. For example, for all the guys that are interested in her and take her out to 'friendly' dinners or lunchons, she doesn't tell them she's with someone already. Instead, she tells them 'she's not looking'. Even IF these guys had an issue with her sexual orientation, the fact she tells them she's not looking as opposed to saying she's already taken ticks me off.

BTW, I hope things work out for your mom. It's tough 'coming out' and finding yourself in this world. I consider myself bi because I honestly don't feel one way or the other. I just want to love and be loved.

[MaidenMinx]

That isn't a good sign, and sounds like my one attempt at a relationship with a gal. Ooooh she was a tart. It doesn't sound like you are getting what you need and it also sounds like she isn't willing to give you what you need either. Sorry.

[pisces25]

My ex told me lovely things such as 'I want you but with a better body', when I told him some dude said I was good-looking he asked if this guy was autistic, he constantly told me I didn't turn him on as much as his ex's did or as much as FHM models, chicks on escort websites/porn sites and Jennifer Hawkins does... that I am not hot coz I am size 10 and not size 6. There's much more but they are some highlights. God I am glad I ditched him.

[Stillits]

When I met my ex he was such a great guy. We got along very well and he was nice and attentive and romantic and all that. He got to take my virginity. I was developing a depression though, due to other circumstances and as a result there of my self esteem and sense of self worth declined drastically. It did have an impact on the relationship yes, and slowly and almost without me noticing because it was just slipped in along the way, he changed. Looking in hindsight, I know that he was manipulating me and enjoying that I was down where I was because that gave him a sense a power. He told me what to do with my life (actually looking up schools and educations for me), used harsh wording as "I think you're fat and I'm not attracted to you" even though I was the same weight as when we met, bullied me during arguments so I just eventually stopped saying anything anymore. I should've known better and seen it coming, but he also shouldn't have taken advantage of me - I was his marionet doll, basically. He asked me to not have any male friends and I didn't. We were living 1.5 hours apart because we had met at a sort of boarding school, and one summer we had arranged to meet up at a certain date but he never showed up and never even called, wrote or texted to say that he wasn't coming. He just completely blew me off. I went to a new city to go to school (of my own choice tho, city not as much - he said he'd move there and we'd be together, but no), and I didn't hear a word from him for 3 months. That's when some of my new friends made me realise how bad the relationship was and I broke it off over email - he didn't have a phone. I got some angry emails back but kept no contact.

I started missing him though, or maybe I was missing being with someone and the comfort, because I didn't know anyone where I now lived. So when he after 4-5 months contacted me, I responded and he told me stuff like "I still love you" and "I miss you and think of you". After some conversations we arranged for him to come live with me during a few weeks at the summer, me of course expecting us to get back together or work something out. He came here, everything felt as if we were back to the good days. We slept together in the same bed and even was intimate 3 times (and 3 additional times where he sort of forced himself upon me even when I said no and was in pain), though he did not want me to kiss him. After talking a lot for a few days and me just having a good time, we sat in a playground in the forest on the swings and he changed behaviour and started talking about his new life.. Telling me that after I broke up there had been several girls falling upon him and he had met up with one the same weekend. He said that he was currently with 3 girls, of which he felt he could leave neither because two were depressed and "needed" him to live and one was the girl he could see as the mother of his children.
Well, I kicked him out of the house and told him to f*ck off, he cried and threatened me and said a lot of nasty things but left.

He even had the nerve to send me an email a month later saying that if I ever needed him for support, he was there.
I know I was the fool in this and I have learned.

[JadenMia]

I met my ex through mutual friends. As soon as i had seen him i liked him. Weeks went by and i saw him again and we talked up a storm. He was the funniest, silliest fun loving guy i ever met and i felt an immediate attraction.
He asked for my number and we hung out every weekend, he called me every other night. He seemed like an awesome guy! After 3 months of hanging out he kissed me for the first time, a week later we slept together and i had never felt such happines in my life.
Months after, life was perfect. We were a great couple, everyone commented on how loved up we were, how good for each other we were. I was so blissfully happy i honestly thought id met my soul mate. After 18 months, things were still as perfect as ever. It was halloween and we wanted to go out dressed as a couple so decided on G.I Joe and G.I 'Jade'. We were having a really neat time but he had drunk a little too much and started to act weird with me, i wanted to go meet up with our friends as we were at his brothers and i didnt know anybody. He suddenly let loose on me, saying i was such a downer of a girlfriend and why couldnt i just enjoy myself and get to know everybody. He slapped me up the face, not hard, but mean enough to make me upset. I stayed in the bathroom because i started crying and he carried on saying i was being stupid and he might as well find another girlfriend. I was horrified at what was coming out of his mouth..

We finally went to the bar with everyone, he just got worse and worse.. Suddenly screaming at me in front of our friends that i was a dirty slut and skank etc. I was so shocked and in pain from his words.. What happened to my loving boyfriend? My soul mate? I was so embarrassed i left him and went NC. A few weeks passed of him begging me to come back. I ignored him and concentrated on myself. A month passed and i met a guy who was awesome. He took me out, sent me flowers and was just an all around good guy. I slept with him afterwards and word got out to my ex. He was fuming and made a huge fuss over it. I pulled away from the guy i met because of all the trouble it had caused and was alone.
My ex came back in the picture, begged for me back once again. I gave in, im not sure why anymore.. I dont have a clue why i did. Probably loneliness.

The relationship was never the same, he accused me of being a slut every other day, locked me outta the house in my underwear in freezing weather countless times, smacked me around, smashed my tooth, held my belongings (phone, money, clothes) from me and wouldnt let me speak to people. I lost all dignity. I became a prisoner, a shadow of what i once was. I didnt feel like me anymore.. Yet i kept going back for more. When he was nice to me, i was SO happy. And thats what i longed for, that love and touch from him became some sort of mission to get. I stuck out all the bad times just to feel that again. I longed for the old him back.. But i knew deep down he wasnt ever going to come back.
Countless times stupid nights happend, stupid fights, making up, being loved up then the next day he had something to get at me for, just another thing to be mad at me for.

Months went by of this everyday. Until a few months back. I had finally had enough, i couldnt deal with it any longer so i left. Things were horrible, i have never felt so lost and empty in all my life. I didnt see or hear from him up until last weekend. On my first night out with my friends since the breakup, we saw him. My night was ruined so i left to go home. While waiting on my cab he followed me and asked to go home with him. I said i wouldnt ever. He grabbed me, bit my face, bit my shoulders, hit me in the eye and then grabbed my head and slammed it on the pavement.. I was covered in lumps, bruises and cuts. The cab driver saw it all and helped me in the cab and he reported it to the police. Today i reported everything and am thinking about pressing charges.. I dont know what to do or think..

I am again, at an ultimate low. I dont know what to do with myself. I fall asleep and i have constant nightmares, i dont feel like eating, sleeping... I feel messed up. I just dont know what to do... I want my friends around me so i dont feel so lonely but i understand that they have lives too.. So i just feel so alone and lost. I have never felt so down in my life. Worse than i ever did before because i always knew he would be there the next day to make me feel better again.. And now hes not around.. Which is a good thing for me.. But again is making me feel scared, lost and lonely all over again.
I just want it to be over.. Not just the situation.. but my feelings. I just want to forget about him but my mind wont let me.
This relationship was purely toxic and i just want it to be gone. I want it all over with and be happy again but i feel i cannot ever be happy again.. I dont know how long its going to take but i feel i cant take the pain another minute.

[bluesummer]

Told me he was seeing someone else a week after we got married. I don't think I can add much more to that.

[tremolo]

Told me he was seeing someone else a week after we got married. I don't think I can add much more to that.

****! You poor, poor woman...

[sadie_genie]

****! You poor, poor woman...

Bluesummer is happily married to an fantastic catch now.