Am i too paranoid, too protective...

[michael1]

Hi Guys,

So basically ive been with this girl for about 6 months now, although we have been flirting and meeting up etc. for almost a year and a half.

My problem is one which i dont think really affects other boys, at least not as bad as it effects me. I have always been very sensetive when it comes to relationships. I am always paranoid by Girlfriend is looking at other boys or thinking about them. It really hurts but i dont like confronting her about things because i really dont want to lose her. She does know about my paranoia and she says she loves me for it, she said it makes her feel like im scared to lose her. She also said that she wouldnt think about another boy in a million years because she has all she could ever ask for with me. Is she just saying this to please me though?

She says she doesnt find any other boys attractive, and that all she thinks about during intercourse is me. But its so hard to believe when your this paranoid and sensetive. We've been through allot together, she has looked after me through allot of tough moments in the past including me being suicidal. I cant lose her because i know that i couldnt possibly find another girl like her out there. Im never going to find anyone else that can understand me like she does. Many of my friends are in relationships, and they are fine with their girlfriends doing whatever it is they want to do. Go out drinking, clubbing etc.

That isnt my thing. Although i wouldnt stop my girlfriend going to stay over parties etc she does know that it hurts me and it feels like im stopping her having fun. Even though she says she would rather spend time with me than them anyday.

I use to dislike the way she dressed sometimes, like her skirt would be too high for me. Again she has cut that out and she dresses like a proper classy woman now. But i also feel guilty. I dont want to ruin her life.

Ive never felt good enough for her, i just always feel like she is looking at other boys or thinking about other boys during Sex.

I know its wrong but i really cant help it. I need any advice you can give me. It would also be a relief to find out if other people have the same problem as me.

Thank you,
-Michael

[devonbrown]

Here is my advice - you need to figure out why you dislike yourself. It isn't paranoia, it is insecurity that causes you to think that way. Include the suicidal comment and I would definitely say that you have some personal issues that should be addresses with a professional. A therapist visit would probably be a very good thing.

Just so you know, your gf might be accepting of your behavior now, but she will probably get tired of it soon. Most people do not like drama and clinging. And your controlling behavior is also something you need to try to eliminate. Telling her how short her skirts should be (so she looks like a proper, classy woman) is very controlling and could easily become emotionally abusive.

You need to find a way to deal with yourself before you worry about your relationship.

[michael1]

I understand i might be very insecure and i am actually seeing a therapist currently.

How can i stop being controlling when it hurts so much to think about things like that? I've tried to forget everything but i cant, it plays on my mind all the time.

[devonbrown]

If you are seeing a therapist, and that is a good thing, then talk to the therapist about it! A public forum is not going to be able to tell you how to alter the thoughts in your head.

Trust is something else that you might need to work on. If you can't trust her, then there is no reason to be dating her.

[michael1]

I trust her not to do anything with someone else, i dont think she would do that at all. Its mainly just what she thinks that gets to me.
Im always worrying that she might be thinking of someone else. So i suppose thats also something a therapist would be better with

[devonbrown]

bingo.

Worry about what YOU are thinking. Not what she is thinking. Trust me, if you knew all the thoughts of anyone, it would scare the crap out of you. But that is why we have filters between what we think and what we say and do.