Do I owe an apology?

[MaidenMinx]

Yet another issue with a friend. Yes I am terrible at friendships.

Hubby's best friend decided to get all upset about hubby and I eloping. 6 weeks after the wedding, I wrote to his best friend on FB saying he seemed upset and that I would like to apologize / explain. Not much came of it.

I spoke to hubby about it and hubby didn't seem to care that his best mate is upset. This confused me. I eventually found out that his best mate had called after his last visit to tell hubby all the things the best mates girlfriend doesn't like about us. Naturally this pissed hubby off (it was quite a list).

Last weekend, hubby got an SMS from his best mates girlfriend asking him to please call his best mate and not risk throwing away the friendship. This pissed me off. I couldn't and still can't understand why she felt she had to stick her nose in. Hubby and I discussed it all and agreed that life would be so much easier if she kept her nose out of things. The next day I was still annoyed and sent her and SMS telling her that hubby was not concerned with calling since she felt it necessary to have the best mate tell us everything she doesn't like about it. I told her to back off and let the guys sort it out in their own way. His best mate called a few hours later, hubby and he 'sorted' everything out but apparently my message had his gf nearly in tears.

I might add here, I've come to dislike her immensely over time. She told me rather early on that she doesn't like my best friend, fair enough, BUT she now expects that my best friend will never be around when she visits. Half the complaints against us she has made are about things we have asked if she is comfortable with before we do it (eg. She's allergic to cats. Before she comes over here I have always vacuumed just before she arrived and kicked the cat out. Last time she was here, the cat was whining pathetically at the door. Hubby asked if she would mind if we let him back in -not hubby's smartest moment- but she said that she would be fine about that, and then added it to the list of things hubby's best mate had to tell him about)

I would like to apologize, if only to make life easier for hubby's best mate, but I am also relieved she got the message. Do I apologise and risk her sticking her opinion into everyone for ever? Or do I accept the fact that I was harsh and let it go?

Oh it might help to know that even though they have been together for 3 years, I have no confidence that they'll be together forever. She is his first gf, and they are living in the same home as her ex husband. She has dragged him to another city, away from all his friends and family.

[KingZ]

I think you should recognize that you made a mistake and feel sorry. Remember to not do it again.

Actually apologizing will only fuel the fire. Let it go.

[Wakeup]

I told her to back off and let the guys sort it out in their own way.

If that's all you said to her then I don't see the need to apologize however; if you let into her with all your pent up frustrations over her pretentious bullst, then maybe somthing like: "I'm sorry this all came to a head like this but I'm glad it's all behind us now" (??)

What does your hubby think?

[MaidenMinx]

Lol WU, he thinks there is no point apologising as neither of us expect them to stay together forever. In a way he is enjoying the fact that there is tension between her and I as it means she won't be in our home again. He doesn't like her either.

I guess that's the crux of it, in a way. I know if I actually liked her, I'd be going out of my way to apologise. But, I don't like her and am glad she got the messagen, even if it was delivered harshly. I did try to summarise the SMS in the first post but what I said was something to the effect of 'wanna know why (hubby) isn't rushing to the phone to patch things up with (best mate)? You. You and your incessant insistence to have (best mate) tell us everything you don't like about us. (Hubby) lost sleep after the call (best mate) made after the last time you were up here. (Best mate) is no prince. When he has pissed me off in the past I have either pulled him up then and there, or made a joke about it later and let it go. Back off and let the guys handle things in their own way and their own time. ' That's not exact but pretty much what I said. I thought I did well not to swear at her.

[MaidenMinx]

I think you should recognize that you made a mistake and feel sorry. Remember to not do it again.

Actually apologizing will only fuel the fire. Let it go.

That has been my worry, adding fuel to the fire. Or that by apologising she'll make the mistake of thinking I actually like her.

[Wakeup]

Or that by apologising she'll make the mistake of thinking I actually like her.

lol.. screw er then

[HeartIsAching]

You owe her...

Jack shit.

It's not your husband's best mate's (or anybody else, for that matter) business how you get married. Marriage is between you and your husband, and possibly your God if you have one. Anybody that doesn't like it can suck sand.

You owe her absolutely no apology whatsoever. She stuck her nose in where it didn't belong, and got it bitten. Boo hoo.

In future, I'd suggest not inviting her over for anything. Invite her BF though. You don't need toxic people in your life.

[MaidenMinx]

Thanks guys. I have a bad habit of being overly abrasive when I have to tell someone something they don't like and can't tell when I have been spot on or over the top.

When it comes to hubby's best mate, well I could take him or leave him at the moment. Firstly I can't believe he got his panties in a twist about the wedding (hubby has started calling him the oyster farmer) and I have dissevered through all of this that he doesn't listen to/ respect a word I say. This has pissed me off because over the time I have been with hubby I have gone out of my way to befriend this guy. Eg. When hubby proposed, his best mate suggested going to another state for a bucks night. I laughed and said that ain't gonna happen. If he's having a bucks night, I have to be in the same city in case he ends up in lock up. With my man, this is a serious consideration. When the best mate discovered we had eloped he got all upset saying he had been planning an out of town bucks nights for years. Hubby and I were quite perplexed because hubby has agreed with me EVERY time I have said no out of town bucks nights. I also tried to explain via FB our decision to elope and our decision to not tell anyone who wasn't going to be there. I heard hubby have to explain EVERYTHING I had explained in the FB message. Apparently it's not truth until hubby says it. So I have a complete f**k him attitude now.

[bluesummer]

As far as I'm concerned, she stuck her nose where it didn't belong, said things she shouldn't have, and got what she deserved. I would've said the same thing. On top of that, I would be expecting an apology from HER.

Don't add any fuel to the fire though, you are right in letting the boys work out their friendship on their own. If this woman does eventually take a more serious role in his life and the friendship remains important to your hubby, you can deal with it then. Otherwise she sounds like a pain in the ass, neither of you enjoy her company, so I'd avoid her.

[maxmax]

Do not apologise.

She is an idiot.

I hope that next time the cat sprays on her.

[rafterman]

Thanks guys. I have a bad habit of being overly abrasive when I have to tell someone something they don't like and can't tell when I have been spot on or over the top.

When it comes to hubby's best mate, well I could take him or leave him at the moment. Firstly I can't believe he got his panties in a twist about the wedding (hubby has started calling him the oyster farmer) and I have dissevered through all of this that he doesn't listen to/ respect a word I say. This has pissed me off because over the time I have been with hubby I have gone out of my way to befriend this guy. Eg. When hubby proposed, his best mate suggested going to another state for a bucks night. I laughed and said that ain't gonna happen. If he's having a bucks night, I have to be in the same city in case he ends up in lock up. With my man, this is a serious consideration. When the best mate discovered we had eloped he got all upset saying he had been planning an out of town bucks nights for years. Hubby and I were quite perplexed because hubby has agreed with me EVERY time I have said no out of town bucks nights. I also tried to explain via FB our decision to elope and our decision to not tell anyone who wasn't going to be there. I heard hubby have to explain EVERYTHING I had explained in the FB message. Apparently it's not truth until hubby says it. So I have a complete f**k him attitude now.

I think your husband deserves a victoria cross, at the end of the day.

[rjg117]

Just let it go.