i feel guilty, what should I do with this guy?

[milkshake]

So I met this guy online, but I don't really know his intentions whether he just wanna hang out as friends or does he want to date me. We went out 2 times and 2 times clubbing. The thing is that he text me but then he doesn't really put an effort to continue the conversation and it sorta just dies. For example, he ask me what I am doing? and I tell him and no response from him. But when I change the subject and ask him something or say something interesting there is a immediate response. His moves are very very slow and confusing. He always says maybe we can do this or that...

I met his friend whom I went clubbing with that time. He seemed pretty friendly and he always ask me hang out with him. I mostly hung out at his house like 3 times just play video games and watch TV shows with him. And he couldn't control himself and started to touch me and make out with me, but no sex. I was wondering why I was so tired, exhausted, cranky, and hyper. I felt like that saturday morning/night I wasn't being myself... Originally the guy I met online asked me to go clubbing and he invited his friend. Well anyways, I was so cranky and exhausted that I sort of wished he wasn't there. When I saw his friend, I got this vibe going on and I was into him... It never happened and I don't know why I had such a strong vibe for him and desired him so much maybe because he was so sweet and paid attention to me and teased me. The following day I needed to go to his house to get something and thats when we made out. Nothing happened the first time I was there. I feel stupid for not stopping him though I tried, but I just got scared and sort of lost my senses. I slept on his bed because my family had been given me a hard time and I was super cranky and got pissed easily + exhaustion. The next day I got my period and realized that may have been the source of my problem that I suddenly just got a strong vibe for him and was cranky. Throughout the week, I kept thinking about him, but now I don't know why I thinking about him or think I like him. I feel confused now that my period is almost over. I don't know what happened.

Now back to the guy I met online, he tried to ask me to what I was doing on Sunday and I thought we already planned it out already. I was sorta pissed that he would ask that and I just said i dont know. I;m like you tell me, to watch a movie I would say yes, but when he asked me like that. It's like you didn't even plan it and you tell me to watch a movie on Sunday. Well he caught me in the moment where I was cranky and pissed.

Anyways he is asking me to watch a movie with him tomorrow and I don;t know what I should do? I want to ignore him because of what I had done with his friend. I want to tell him the truth but how? How can I tell him the truth without getting mad at his friend or beating him up? Or should I just ignore him completely. I want to continue to go out with him and get to know him better because now I realize I messed up really bad. I am not very experienced when it comes to dating and I always make the wrong decisions. I always screw up on everything I do.

Now that I have a clearer sense of what I want now after posting the question about this on these forums. That his friend only wanted to get laid. But now I'm stuck... I can't keep secrets like this because it's not fair... His friend doesn't want me to tell, but if I continue to see the guy, I need to tell him because I am not gonna date him until he knows the truth... I feel guilty... really guilty... and no I am not a slut.

I just don't know how to say no especially when I get scared. I have a very emotionally abusive mother who doesn't give no as a an answer and she always wants a yes from me. Always force/manipulate me since i was a child, so this is why I get scared when I tried to stop something or say no to someone. This is why I was always submissive... Like my older brother kept asking me to give my new computer to him and he said I don't need a new one. He kept asking me some much that I just gave it up and gave it to him. I have worked very hard to say no, but when I scared it's either I run, be submissive, hide, or go through with it....

[MerryH]

And he couldn't control himself and started to touch me and make out with me, but no sex.

What's this about? What were you doing while this went on? The way you phrased that makes it sound like he forced himself on you. Then the second time you went to his place, you said no but he kept going?

[smackie9]

You are too inexperienced and immature. If you so want to date this guy, WHY are you hanging out with his buddy. Second why didn't you just get up and leave? You seem to place blame this on his friend for taking advantage of you being there...what guy wouldn't think that he might be able to hit it, if a girl keeps coming over....hes gonna think you want something for why else would you be there. You are not fooling anybody here. So what if you were abused by your mother, that has nothing to do with this, stop blaming other people for YOUR bad choices. I was abused by my mother too, but I don't use that as an excuse for my behavior. You have to take responsibility for your own actions, you are an adult now, time to grow up.

If you continue seeing this guy one of two things will happen, you tell him about it, he will not trust you, and yes you will be looked at as a slut. If you don't his friend will end up admitting it and accuse you of being easy and tell him how you shouldn't be trusted. He will side with his friend because he has known him for a long time, you are just some girl he has just met.


Your best bet is to just walk away from him and his friend.....you need to straighten yourself out.

[milkshake]

I know i am inexperienced and immature, but I am just not very good at handing relationship and I am very inexperienced since i didn't have much dating experience. I think you are right. But i will try not to see both of them because I need a break from guys

[smackie9]

Ive been in your shoes, so I know how you feel. You need to step away, re-access your life, your values, and get back some emotional stability. You need to fill your time with positive activities, making new friends, trying new things, exercise, get healthy......you need to be independent, and emotionally strong. A relationship doesn't give you a life, only you can do that. Think positive, love yourself and seek out things in your life that are more important to you than finding a BF.

[milkshake]

Thank you for the positive input... THe only problem is that I like the guy who I made out with, but I guess we can just hang out as friends for now... and do things that friends would only do... but if he crosses the line. I'll just defriend him? haha.. but yea I'll try my best to avoid both of em'