I am in a real dilemma. Of course I talk about it with my friends, but I thought maybe it is good to get some neutral opinions.

What happened is that I have an online friend since a year now. Our relationship is somewhat strange, at least for me. I never thought it is possible to build up emotional bonds through emails and occassional talks, but it happened. I can share a lot of things with him, we didn't hit it off just like that, there was much work involved, just like in a real relationship. First I didn't trust my friend very much, but after all this time I have to admit that he seems to really like me a lot. The reason I didn't trust him is, that he is very attractive, difficult, living on his own cloud. He is an artist, does a lot of work over the internet and I was thinking he might just play women because he knows what an effect he has. But so far he proved me the opposite, as much as you can prove something over long distance. So this is going on, since a few months we are discussing how we can meet, which of course means I have to come up with half of the ticket, if I want him to visit. He got no money to mention, as most artists. But no concrete plans are made. And I am not worried to be used, that is not the issue.

A few weeks ago I met a really nice guy in my hometown. He cares a lot for me, he is close by and he stands with both feet on the ground. We are going out, enjoy our time together, everything is just as it should be. Only that my heart is not really there. My brain is telling me to give him a chance and leave this other crazy situation alone. Because I absolutely don't see any future there.

This is where I stand at. I feel guilty because I know it is wrong to have this emotional affair and not say anything about it. Well, for my standards, because I am usually a very honest person and the only reason I am not right now is because I am so confused about what is right or wrong. I don't want to hurt anybody or play stupid games.
I am trying to let things just take their course and see how it develops. But everytime I meet my friend here, I feel bad about it.

I have no answer and I find this all pretty crazy what I am doing. Just wondering what others would do in my situation.