PLS help! Need some online dating advice plz!

[shymaira]

So I've just met an apparently confident and charismatic man on an internet marriage site. He lives in the states, and I live in Canada. We met on Skype about 5 days ago, and chatted for a while.

A couple days ago, I asked him how he felt about things so far and he said "I really like you" and "I'm not interested in most women, so you are unique". We talk about the future, I notice he uses the word "we" a lot, for example, we can do this or that in the future. He even says things like, well if we were to get married, we could do that, etc. I know that he has talked to his parents about me already. He asked me if I'm considering anyone else, I said no, and when I asked him the same question, he said, "Nope, certainly not."

So I thought he was really serious about me. But the thing that confuses me is that I feel like I am always the first one to initiate contact. I have been texting him everyday to just say hi. He responds back immediately or within a couple hours, and we go back and forth with texts for while, but he never asks to take it to the next level i.e talk on phone or skype.

So yesterday, I decided to stop all impulses and just NOT text him, to see if he would initiate contact. He didn't text me .


I don't want him to think I'm no longer interested by not texting him anymore. . At the same time, I want to verify how interested this guy really is. Should I just continue to wait for him to text me, or should I contact him first? how long should i wait?

Thanks!

Sara.

[Phoenix23]

I recommend you just ask him why he doesn't.
Some guys think they are trying not to scare you off by looking too eager to initiate texting and such.

By the way he talks he has to be interested. He probably just isn't handling it right.

[Wakeup]

Have you even met this man in person yet? Why are you getting so up set if you've never met him? He could be anybody he thinks you want him to be so don't put so much faith in his texted word. Don't get so bent out of shape about him period. At this point he is a fantasy and just don't contact him again and see how long it takes him to figure out you're gone.

Being concerned about someone you've never even met (if you have'nt) is bloody dangerous as far as I'm concerned. My apologies if this is some culutural thing where your marriage is arranged and you learn about each other only via the writtn word until you're married. Even still, make him do some of the work by initiating contact once in a while and if he doesn't then he isn't thinking about you on the same level you're thinking about him.

[Phoenix23]

Join the 21st century, online relationships are pretty common these days, and they can end up panning out just as well, sometimes better, than ones where you meet in person first.

[Wakeup]

Join the 21st century, online relationships are pretty common these days, and they can end up panning out just as well, sometimes better, than ones where you meet in person first.

If you say so... *rolls eyes* The odds are not in your favour.

Anyway: This one apparently isn't working out so well if he never contacts her and she's doing all the chasing.

[IndiReloaded]

Where is that thread about doomed internet relationships?

Are you kidding? You met for the first time by Skype *5 days ago*. You are already worried about exclusivity and marriage?

Nuts. See my other post about the guy who was getting serious after 3 weeks. Another headcase. Get a grip on your insecurities.

[shymaira]

Appreciate your input/opinion. However, I went on a marriage/matrimonial website, not a dating website. Things move pretty fast in my culture, and exclusivity is seen as a sign that someone is really serious and not playing around. We see how things go after a couple months, and if it doesn't work out, we move on....

that's the thing with long distance relationships that start online. we can't meet in person until some time passes and we're sure we're ready to take it to the next level and the other person is worth flying across the world for. But before that occurs, we have to start trusting at some point, right?

[Wakeup]

Sorrry, I don't understand that way of thinking so I'll leave you to get responses from those who are in the same culture.

Good luck, I will say that if this guy NEVER initiates the conversations then you're chasing him and he's not putting the same value on you that you're putting on him. I suspect that the following statement would apply in these kinds of circumstances more than ever: The person who cares the less holds the most power.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, assuming what you say about this marriage site is true (I have no idea, I got married the old fashioned way) and he's equally serious, then the issue really does revert to WakeUps point:

if this guy NEVER initiates the conversations then you're chasing him and he's not putting the same value on you that you're putting on him. The person who cares the less holds the most power.

Unless this guy contacts you as much as the converse, you are likely chasing a waterfall. Even that sounds strange to me, tho. Surely M-F interactions haven't changed that much, despite the online option? In my day, men did the hustling for a woman they were into. That's not to say women should be passive, but definitely it was up to the man to 'man-up', so to speak, and indicate his interest.

If this is no longer the case, then I don't know what to say except: good luck.