should i break up with him because i'm too good for him?

[zoomx3]

my parents and relatives have been lecturing me nonstop about how i'm too good for my boyfriend, he doesn't deserve me, and that i will realize my mistake in dating him later in life (i'm 18 now). deep down, i know that they're right in saying i'm too good for him but i truly truly truly love him and i know for sure that he truly truly truly loves me.

it would hurt him so much if i broke up with him and it would hurt me... especially because i just think that even though i can find someone with better credentials (career, money, education, status, etc.), i may never find someone i love so much and who loves me back just as much.

it's just that i spent this entire summer listening to my family say i'm an idiot for dating him, i have bad taste in men, and it's getting too much... i go back to college soon but i can't fully escape from my family and if i have to hear this from them my entire life, i just don't think i can deal. and they keep saying everyone will judge me for being with him... blah blah blah

any suggestions?

[Ric]

Career, money, status... @ 18?

Unless he is a complete loser, drop out, drug addict, only playing games, etc, I don't see why you'd be too good for him.

Do what you like. You need to be with someone you're happy with, not someone that is good enough for you.

[zoomx3]

problem is, he's 27... so i can see where my parents are coming from....

i'm happy with him but when my parents interfere, it really messes up our dynamic. and my dad has not spoken to me all summer and is not paying my tuition... and i just don't know if my boyfriend is worth all this...

[Rollingwithlife]

Well, I'd say it really comes down to what you value in life and what your priorities are; your love for your boyfriend or his credentials? Have you even talked to him about his future and is he making any effort to meet these standards you expect of him? I think it's worth considering if he's someone who's just given up and settling for who he is, versus someone who's trying his best to become a better man. If he's the latter, I'd say considering your situation, it's worth giving him a chance to set things straight too. I feel like if he truly loves and respects you, he'd at least be putting in the effort to make ends meet within reason.

[Phoenix23]

I would never let money, status, success, etc, get in the way of sincere love.
But then again I'm a guy, and those things probably don't matter as much to us when looking at women.

However - I do know that women can live perfectly happy lifes with men who aren't that successful. You can't buy character and love with status and success.

If he has character defects that make him a loser that would be one thing, but if his character is fine and he just isn't "good enough" in terms of life success, well, that's not a good reason not to marry someone IMO unless you're very shallow.


While it's true that most 18 year olds don't usually know what they want out of life, and often aren't the best judge of character; My advice is to really look hard at what they are telling you is wrong with him. Usually if they are telling you he has character defects you should probably listen (because love could be blinding you to them), but if they are telling you he just needs a more impressive pedigree and bank account then that is wrong and shouldn't be the basis for breaking up.

[zoomx3]

my parents don't care about his character... all they talk about is that he's older, not a us citizen, went to a worse undergrad, is a grad student (ie he will not make much money later).....
they claim that they spent so much money raising me, giving me a good life and education... and what they get in return is me choosing a lesser boyfriend.... it really hurts me when they say stuff like that... as if i'm their asset or something they invested money in just to make more..

[Ric]

Your parents should raise you in an attempt for you to be happy, not for them to be happy.

That he is 27 might complicate matters. Then it's up for you to decide whether you want to stay with someone who himself can't offer you much in terms of luxury, and perhaps not much in terms of a stable life.
As long as he doesn't want to leech off of you then it shouldn't be too much a problem. In the future you might make more money than him. No shame in that. But perhaps you mind. Only you can know.

[Phoenix23]

None of that truly matters except possibly the age thing - But whether or not that will truly be an issue depends entirely on the people involved.

[Wakeup]

If your parents were smart they'd STFU and you'll likely dump him on your own when you meet you new lab partner who is your age and looks like Brad Pitt.

[HeartIsAching]

If you were willing to break up with him based on other people's opinions, he's probably too good for you.

[vashti]

He's too old for you, and the fact that he doesn't realize (or mind) this is a reflection of his immaturity. Your parents are right; get rid of him. You will emotionally outgrow him in a couple of years, anyway.

[searock]

I agree, he is too old for you, and this is the (only) real problem. You'll realize this soon enough by yourself.