cool off?

[acacac]

me and my girl are together for 3 years and 8 months now. we started since December 2007. during college, we were always together, and we were sometimes branded as a "cute couple". i thought that everything was going okay and strong until 2 weeks ago. she is 22 and im 20 years old

about 2 weeks ago. she asked for some time off and said that the reason is she needs to find herself. she stated it included her plans for the future and that whenever her name is seen, my name is always there. as if we are inseparable. i gave her the time she needed and it lasted for a week. 3 days before the time off was over, she messaged me at skype" "hi! i love you i miss you talk to you monday. my phone has no battery, i forgot my charger". i was surprised and happy cause i felt that she really loves me. when monday came, we talked and said sorry for my shortcomings and she did too for hers. and she said that she cannot help but message me during the time off cause she misses me too much. 2 days after that, we spent the whole day together. i said that i will change my own self. never to become jealous of her friends and never to be hot tempered.

2 days ago, i wanted to see her again and i said that i will go to her house before she goes out with her friends for a concert. she got mad and told me not to be so clingy. because she allotted that day for her friends and i tend to text her nonstop whenever she doesnt reply immediately to my texts. she forgave me and the day after, i posted a cute quote on her facebook profile. she said not to do it. i asked if she is ashamed of having me as her boyfriend. she became sad and lonely after i said that. she told me she was definitely hurt by what i said. she said she isnt just used to being so publicly affectionate especially on facebook. i said sorry again and then we were okay.

then i tend to be jealous with her best girl friends and i tend to stalk her on her facebook.

i have a little buy and sell business and this coming thursday (sept1) she and her friends will attend a pop concert. my bag delivery was moved from wednesday to thursday so i asked her again if i can come to her house because after fetching the delivery, i will personally deliver it to my buyer but not for another 5 hours. so i planned to stall time with that 5 hours in her house. she again got mad and told me not to be so clingy and said i should let her feel that her decision to stop the time off is right. she said she alloted the sept 3 for me and sept 1 for her friends for the concert. i said sorry again and we are okay again

she texted this: i dont want you to think that im always mad. but right now im on the process of adjustments in our relationship. i said that i wanted time out, and i got it for a very short time. cause i thought about what you said of fixing things without going through a prolonged time off. so i went with that. but now, i cant help but think that did i make the right decision? i mean its been a week and as if you are going back to your old self. you tend to text and text. please, let me have the chance to miss you. then you tend to say sorry and sorry over and over again. i can't really explain it. but that's what i feel.

after that text, we became okay AGAIN.

so im going to ask, does she still love me? is the problem with me? can anybody explain what is happening? thank you

[MerryH]

does she still love me?

Probably, but you're annoying the shit out of her. It's hard to feel love for someone when they're constantly pestering you.

is the problem with me?

How is this even a question for you? Do you not listen to your girlfriend at all? She told you what the problem is. Listen to her and don't make promises to change that you can't/won't keep.

can anybody explain what is happening?

You're smothering her.

[acacac]

thank you for replying. i'm listening to her actually. slowly but surely im changing myself. im not hot tempered anymore, the only thing that is a little slow is my "pestering" attitude. but i'm really making steps in changing it. before, i used to bombard her with text messages if she is not replying. now, i'm going to give a text or two. it's hard to let go of that, but i'm slowly doing it though.

is there a chance that everything will finally be okay? thanks.

[MerryH]

You're welcome.

is there a chance that everything will finally be okay?

I don't know. I mean, it's not a great sign that she's pulling away from you. But it might turn out to be a good thing for both of you to be a little more independent. You just have to try really hard to do what she's asking for, because it's not unreasonable.

Some tips:
-Don't invite yourself over. Let her invite you.
-If you have the urge to send her multiple texts when she doesn't reply, do something else. Read, play a game, call a friend, jog, watch porn. Anything. Just keep your mind off it.
-When she tries to establish boundaries (like asking you to not post sappy shit on FaceBook,) don't make her feel bad about it ("What, are you ashamed of me?")
-Be supportive when she wants to spend time with friends.
-Stay off of her FaceBook page. Delete your own profile, if you have to.

And you know the last two:
-Don't get jealous when she's with her friends.
-Keep your temper in check (never, ever, ever yell.)

[acacac]

again, thank you for replying and for the tips. i really appreciate them

as of now, we're okay, we're talking and she's saying that she loves me and all, that i should eat and take my meds (i'm sick). she also told me last time that she is willing to fix whatever there is. i hope everything will be okay, cause i love her so much i've been to relationships before and a lot of flings (she's my 3rd gf). all the others didn't last long and i never felt any remorse, sadness or what. just this time, i felt that everything crumbled when she asked some time off. we're okay now and i'm ready to change for her. slowly but surely.