Dating an exotic dancer.

[cloud10]

Evening folks,

Ok so I'm cutting to the chase here after a few brief details as to what's going on. Just a quick fact I have been in a relationship for over a year with a previous dancer. So I met this other dancer chick we'll call Angel about a month ago. Amazing body of course tanned, brunette and held a conversation well. All in all it looked like she took care of herself. Of course we met at the strip club. Anyway we hit it off pretty well and she kept mentioning how good looking of a guy I was and what I was doing in there (lol). Personally just having a beer and gazing at the scene - not intentionally try to meet anyone. Well and of course my thoughts were she was just doing her job. We end up in a private area for no money and she ends up sitting on my lap sucked on my neck and asked to kiss me which is not allowed in the club. Which has happened on two separate occasions. Gave me her number and I left thinking I had a fake number. Anyway after a few days I texted her and it's her. We text back and forth daily for a few weeks now. I planned our first little evening together this weekend coming up. I know she doesn't want to dance for much longer and she wants to settle down. I'm a little hesitant...Just wanted to know if anyone else has had experiences with exotic dancers?

[devonbrown]

Every experience I have ever heard of regarding dating strippers ends the same way, with the guy finally realizing that she is just playing a part and is not that interested in him. Remember, she flirts heavily for a living.

If she wants to stop stripping, wait until she does. Maybe she is looking for a way out and sees you as a possibility to help her.

Or, maybe you found the "stripper with a heart of gold" and I'm totally wrong.

[bulrush]

Have fun with the dating, but don't give her any money. You know she's using you when she asks for a "loan", which you know will never get paid back.

[Wakeup]

Just a quick fact I have been in a relationship for over a year with a previous dancer.

You're a cheating skank. Were you somehow abused when you were young?

[cloud10]

I was not totally clear on that comment. I was just stating that I WAS PREVIOUSLY in a relationship with a stripper. Not anymore. Sorry. lol Also she is not after my money because we're both the same age and she knows I'm not rich. I'm just playing it out but I'll have to agree in a way and say that they usually end up the same way unless she quits dancing.

[cloud10]

Or maybe she just wants to bang and I'm looking to settle. Maybe I'm trying to hope for something she's probably not going to be. I dunno

[Way2Roux]

Wakeup likes to call people names :-)

Why not get to know her better?

[Wakeup]

My apologies for the "skank" comment then but I do have to ask that if you've experienced a one year relationship with a stripper then certainly you know the behind the scenes life and all that can be unhealthy and codependent. Do you want to make that life your life again?

I agree that the smart thing to do would be to wait until she's out of the business entirely.

[cloud10]

Indeed I am getting to know her better... time will tell on this 1. You know I couldn't agree with you more I'll admit It is an unhealthy environment and the relationships are usually volitile. I just such a nice guy that I'll give anyone a chance and possibly get to know the good things about you. Anyone probably reading is probably thinking I need to go in a new direction of meeting women. I know this - I'll admit one of my problems is as good looking of a guy that I am and the so called "hero" of the group when I see a real pretty girl; I get all choked up and for some reason lose my confidence level. I used to be the guy that approached any women in the bar no problem and got their attention and eventually brought some home. Nontheless I can't drink all the time to boost my confidence because I feel like million bucks usually all liqoured up. lol So I need a little help with approaching females. I'm usually a great conversationalist...

[Way2Roux]

All strippers aren't the same... they're all doing it for different reasons. You really should just get to know her better

[cloud10]

*update* She decided not to work yesterday so I asked her if she wanted to hang out. I decided to take her to a movie called Fright 3d (lol on the glasses). We made out quite a bit and actually left about 3/4 through the movie because she was falling asleep. Anyway I asked if she wanted to stay the night because it was getting late and she was about an hour from home. She ended up staying the night and one thing led to another. She said she didn't plan on having sex but who can resist this? Anyway my thing is now is she is constantly getting text from other guys - granted I just started hanging out with this chick. I almost feel like I'm competing but I know for a fact she is digging me the most. I actually told her to put her phone away and if we become serious then that shit has gotta stop or it's a no go.

[Nicam]

All strippers aren't the same... they're all doing it for different reasons. You really should just get to know her better

This is absolutely true. While stereotypes exist for a reason, a lot of people do not fit them. I was an exotic dancer for years throughout college and recently quit my marketing job to dance again (the money is just great and it can be really fun). I met and fell in love with my ex-fiance while dancing, and my college boyfriend as well. I NEVER once cheated on them, they were the only ones who knew the real me and the only ones I slept with. I didn't quit for them, I quit when I wanted to. When I had a professional job lined up. They never judged me for it, and were trusting and secure enough in themselves to see that I was in love with them and only them.

If a girl is really into you, in love with you, etc., she will only have eyes for you. What she does at the club is strictly business! I would even venture to say that exotic dancers are LESS likely to cheat. People cheat for validation, dancers constantly have men fawning over them and are less likely to seek validation outside of their relationships.

Just saying...judge her as an individual separate from the dancing. Try to see past the physical and guys texting her (and if you pursue something more it is reasonable to ask her not to give her number out at the club, that's usually a no-no anyway aside from in special cases), and decide if she is someone you are compatible with and would like to get serious with. If she wants to stop dancing, be supportive, but do not support her financially through it aside from being a man and doing chivalrous things like paying for dates that are considered the norm.

If she gave you free dances and hung out with you outside of the club, she really DOES dig you! Just make sure you dig her too, not just for her body but for her mind and heart. And make sure you are a friend to her and communicate your boundaries and what you are comfortable with in a kind and respectful way. Good luck!

[Yet another guy]

She said she didn't plan on having sex but who can resist this?

Sure, she didn't I never plan to have sex with my dates either *wink* *wink*

[cloud10]

Thanks for the kind words Nicam!!! Starting to develope feelings for this girl so we'll see how it pans out. I'll give another update soon.

[cloud10]

I forgot to mention..This may stir the pot a little bit but I had sex with her without a condom and she has no birth control...Also I'm like pretty sure I got some in her aswell...I know shoot me now.