How to trust BF again after he cheated

[smexygirl89]

Hey guys!

I just need a bit of help with this issue.

Ill give you a bit of a background on me. I am in my early 20s and have been with my BF for about two years. We have a fairly good relationship and spend a fair bit of time with each other. There are also a few bad things about our relationship. There are a couple of times in the past where he has not been supportive when i really needed it. I found out he cheated on me a few months ago... around june. I remember the actual night as i was meant to catch up with him to go shooting etc but ended up staying at home. I told him to have a good night. I found out a few weeks later that he had actually slept with another woman that night. They went shooting went to the pub and got drunk... she was there n him and his mate ended uo back at her house. I found the conversation between him and her on his computer through facebook. It happened about 11 o clock at night and she was drunk and begging him to come over and you know what. He told her no he was tired. She kept asking if it was ok to call yet and if he had broken up with me yet. He also told her no one would no as no matter what he just always denys.

I couldnt believe it was so angry and hurt. I did reply to a few messages at first saying how angry I was... he still kept denying it... I wanted to see if he felt guilty. The only way he owned up was once I told him how id seen the conversation between him and her on facebook. I then deleted him and blocked him from Facebook and stopped replying to his messages. I have never had so many missed calls and messages saying all sorts of things. How he had messed up and he loved me and regretted it so much. He sent me messages saying so many nice things. He also walked to my house in the cold and middle of the night.. it is a good 15 km from his house and couldnt drive as hed been drinking. He also turned up at my house two days later with flowers and looking all clean and tidy. I know I must look silly but when in this situation and you still love them so much its hard to say no. We ended up talking about things... he kept apoligising and was being so sweet.

We are now back together and things are pretty good and back to the way things were before any of this ever happened. I have been snooping as my trust is just shot but he still gets angry at me if i do and keeps changing his passwords to everything and never leaves his phone unattended very often. Whenever I have snooped I havent really found anything bad. My trust is so shot though... he is away on a field trip for uni and all I can think of is if he might sleep with someone else... I feel although he was really sorry and did some nice things otherwise its like hes just gone back to before... he always sais he wont do it again... but words are just words right....

Sorry for the long rant. Was just hoping someone out there could give me a few thoughts on the situation. He says he wants to come with him when he moves next year to start a new job. I want to see a future with this man but at the same time I dont want to spend my life wondering... xx

[moosegal]

Oh my. I am not going to tell you how to trust him, in fact ... quite the opposite. From experiences ... somewhere down the road, this relationship will be over and you will be much older. You won't get back the years you waste on him and some great catches will pass you by while stuck a false relationship with a guy that lies and cheats. My best advice to you is .... Run!!!

[Tweet_love_doc]

Hi Smexygirl89

I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

My advise is you have two questions you need to answer before you can think straight.

One: Can you really trust him to move on with your lifes together as it seems everytime he goes out it switches into your mind. If not i think you no longer can.

Two: Leaning to his side, Some people derseve a second chance BUT you say he traveled 15km when he was drunk... True feelings come out when your drunk but lets face it thats no way to confront all the problems... So can you take his word now, they may just be words but you must have to belive him...I mean two years surely you can see it. if not move on.

My opinion:

Your describing your relationship on the first paragraph as "fairly good" all the time... I think this should reflect on your question "is this working out." Your young there will always be open paths for you if you decide to leave him, i wont make my judgement upon what you should do but please answer those questions truthfully to yourself and i hope it helps?

[smexygirl89]

Well its good because we spent alot of time together... just hanging out... going for tea... holodays... watching movies... but then it is in the back of my mind if he goes away and gets on the piss he might "accidentally" do it again... and god knows he wont tell me... coz then he will know its well and truly done for. But this always makes me want to snoop! And I dont like it and he hates it... but how else will I know?? Ya know

[Tweet_love_doc]

You shouldn't be feeling like this all insecure in a relationship. Having to snoop to find out if he is "STILL" cheating is wrong for you and him. I will give my advise and also say run... It isn't healthy, your still young and no woman deserves to be cheated on... Nore man in that case.

The drinking doesn't sound like it's helping anything too. Always another reason why it's not working too i guess.

[headsashed]

im in the same kind of situtaion,my gf cheated on me,even though it was only a kiss,but my trust is also shot to poo,i want to snoop same as u but i know its wrong,sometimes i do but i havent found anything bad. Everyday im still wondering,even when shes at work,its not healthy at all,everyday shes on my mind and im thinking the worst,but i havent got the "balls" to end it as i love her that much. So my only advice i can give is try stick it out (hoping the trust will come back,like im doing ) or just run. If that person loves you so much then im sure they would do anything to win that trust back.

[Rollingwithlife]

I'm going to say it sounds more like he's only sorry that he was caught. I mean, if he really felt guilty about what he did, I feel like it would have hit him much sooner and he would have brought it to your attention himself without you having to stumble upon what happened. And while the scenario I stated doesn't justify his actions, at least he'd be saying, "look, I know what I did was completely in the wrong, but I care enough about you that I really think you should know about this - I have nothing to hide from you."

Definitely not worth investing any more time, effort, or emotions into this guy.

[bluesummer]

As a person with a cheating ex-partner I can promise you the trust never comes back, even after years. It sits in the back of your mind, you always wonder when they go out, when they tell you they are 'just friends' witha girl you never quite believe them. It will slowly poison your relationship. Unless you were married with kids and had some solid investment into this relationship that would make it worthwhile to seek counselling to work it out, my advice would be to just leave.

[inexistent_love]

You act as you went back to him for his sake, forgetting you have done it for the sake of your own heart, read what you said" I know I must look silly but when in this situation and you still love them so much its hard to say no", you did it to satisfy your heart and not his admitting it by your own tongue. We love ourselves in the other and then we expect them to reward us for what we need and makes us happy. That's all i can say to you and not sure if you are going to get my point, however it doesn't matter for the by end you're going to follow your own interest and not his. Not the guy you love, rather what pleases your own heart which fallen in love with him.