What does it mean

**Crazyalex** · 01-09-11, 02:25 PM

I know it's a stupid question but what does it mean if she told me: "...Well, I call him my ex, but we didn't officially broke up, we just took our distances and don't live together anymore"

**bluesummer** · 01-09-11, 03:46 PM

Sounds to me like she's not really over him. Either that, or she's saying their breakup wasn't nasty, just involved them moving away from each other, and sometimes the word 'ex' makes you assume there's bad blood between people.

**searock** · 01-09-11, 06:37 PM

Get her to make it official. She has no reason not to, right?
Until it's official, she won't get to finalize and get over him completely.

**Andariel** · 01-09-11, 06:45 PM

Could you provide some more information about the context of this discussion? Was that in relation to whether she wants to be with you?Are you already in a relationship with her? Did you ask her because you are not sure whether she still has feelings for him?In essence, what is it you want to know, if she still loves him?Thanks.

**searock** · 01-09-11, 06:48 PM

Oh, right, I was assuming the OP and the girl had already been dating for a while.

**Andariel** · 01-09-11, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by searock

Oh, right, I was assuming the OP and the girl had already been dating for a while.

I am not too sure what the situation is here...They could just be friends or in the dating phase and interpreting her meaning could change depending on that (ie. if they are together but she still says they never really broke up then maybe she still has feelings for him.If they are not together and they were smply having a discussion about exes she might just said that because she is still not sure about where this is going so she hasn't completely taken her mind off her ex yet).Until I know more I can't really comment on what she might have meant. :-)

**Crazyalex** · 02-09-11, 12:20 AM

We're not dating each other yet, she was away for the summer and came back last Monday. So I want to ask her out, but I'm wondering if I should wait for her breakup to be official... I have no idea what she think of me yet, but I assume she doesn't hate me... While she was away, she called me a few time so we didn't lost contact. I can also tell you that she really trust me cuz she told me things I shouldn't know (according to the step where our relationship is), and I don't know if it's good or bad (I don't want to fall in the friendzone).
What I know i they were together for 11 months, they're still seeing each other sometime and he is way older than her. (she's 20, he's 36, I'm 27) So I don't think this is the kind of realtionship that could work on a long-term basis.
About the context of the discussion, we were talking normally and she said something like: "My ex really helped me when I was in trouble, so now I'm helping him 'cuz I just lost his driver license"

So my question is quite simple, I like her, but I don't know her a lot, so I want to get to know her better. Should I wait more before asking her out or is it ok to ask now?
According to what I know, I think I may have a chance, but maybe not right now, what's your opinion?

**searock** · 02-09-11, 12:27 AM

If you aren't too emotionally involved, you can ask her out on a date, but wait before taking it to the next level. I think she still needs to get over her ex. Before you think about starting a relationship with her, she needs to officially close the other one. Formality is very important when it comes to emotions.

**Andariel** · 05-09-11, 12:03 AM

I am a bit worried that she still might not be over her ex since they are still so involved in each other's lives and she is helping him out with stuff.

Also, him being 36 just makes me wonder if he is married and maybe that is why things didn't work out between them?This could be crucial info in the sense that if he is one of those guys who cheats on his wife he is not going to be willing to let your friend go so easily. He will try to lure her back into a relationship with him and I amconcerned that if you start seeing each other she might eventually go back to him. This is pure speculation though and it could be that there is nothing untoward going on between them.

If I were you, I would want to know a few more things about the current nature of their relationship and whether she is over him before asking her out and pursuing a relationship with her. Alos, if they are just friends then you will need to accept that he is going to be a part of her life even if you do end up together. Would you be comfortable with that?

**Crazyalex** · 05-09-11, 07:02 AM

Originally Posted by Andariel

Also, him being 36 just makes me wonder if he is married and maybe that is why things didn't work out between them?

I don't know about that, but I know he has 2 kids already (obviously not with her).

Originally Posted by Andariel

Alos, if they are just friends then you will need to accept that he is going to be a part of her life even if you do end up together. Would you be comfortable with that?

If they're only friends and if he can respect our relationship, yes I'm ok with that.

**Andariel** · 05-09-11, 07:53 PM

I think since the fact he is part of her life would not bother you (provided of course he respects boundaries), you just need to spend a little bit more time with her (not too much though-you don't want to get into the dreaded 'friend zone'!) to find out if she is over him and then you can make your move!

I hope it works out! Good luck! :-)

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