Just met this girl yesterday, how to proceed?

[richardwordoff]

ladiesfirst: I don't see how this can be anything other than sarcasm at this point.

searock: "You don't need a girlfriend to be happy" Easy for you to say. I hate my major, I can't play sports anymore (only time I'd hang out with other people), I don't have shit. Opportunities don't just come up and smack average looking guys that are 5'4" in the face. I sat on my ass senior year and the first two years of college just seeing if anything unexpected would happen and not one girl had anything to do with me. If I hadn't walked halfway across the room and sat with that girl going on nothing more than a smile nothing would have happened there either. There aren't any women in my major and there sure as hell aren't going to be many of them out in the workforce. I've just plain ****ed up in college.

surfhb: you know I'm not trying to erase what I did and get a date out of her right? I know that is impossible. I also know she is probably never going to talk to me again anyway but I at least wanted to apologize for being a douche.

[searock]

searock: "You don't need a girlfriend to be happy" Easy for you to say. I hate my major, I can't play sports anymore (only time I'd hang out with other people), I don't have shit. Opportunities don't just come up and smack average looking guys that are 5'4" in the face. If I hadn't walked halfway across the room and sat with that girl going on nothing more than a smile nothing would have happened there either. There aren't any women in my major and there sure as hell aren't going to be many of them out in the workforce. I've just plain ****ed up in college.

surfhb: you know I'm not trying to erase what I did and get a date out of her right? I know that is impossible. I also know she is probably never going to talk to me again anyway but I at least wanted to apologize for being a douche.

Thing is, you actually don't have anything to apologize about! You didn't do her any wrong - you just didn't get her interested in you enough for her to keep texting you. It's not anything to apologize for. Contacting her again just for this would come off as even more desperate, that's all.

It seems like you judge your life based on how well you've been doing around girls. I think it's just a self-destructive, and utterly wrong, mindset. Who cares if you have a girlfriend? If you hate your major, get done with it as soon as possible and find something that you actually enjoy doing. You can't do sports, fine, find some other hobby that you like instead. Hang out with friends, read novels, watch movies, go to theaters, I mean there's plenty of stuff you can do. Get a dog or something. You do not need a girl in order for your life to not be f***ed up. It doesn't work that way, actually your life can very much be f***ed up even with a girl in it. Just stop being so desperate about it. Make friends (even with girls), meet people, not just with the intention to get a date or something. Opportunities will come and it definitely doesn't matter how tall you are!

[surfhb]

you know I'm not trying to erase what I did and get a date out of her right? I know that is impossible. I also know she is probably never going to talk to me again anyway but I at least wanted to apologize for being a douche.

This statement is why you do not get any women

[richardwordoff]

searock: Yes I do, I creeped her out and when she didn't respond I pitched a baby fit with those last two messages and deleted her on facebook. If I hadn't said anything after the initial creep message then you're right I pitched a little douchebag fit.

I don't have friends I do anything with. I know plenty of people but never do any activities with them.

I wouldn't be so pissed if I had had at least one girlfriend. If I had had at least one I think I'd actually just go on about my life as normal unless I happened to meet someone I really liked.

Being able to lift and play sports is a major part of my life. Not being able to do either pretty much ruins a good chunk of my life and is not easily replaced.

I am "friends" with plenty of girls. I'm tired of being friends with girls. They either jgnore me or are friendly but will run away once they think I want to date them.

My dog just died.

If opportunities come then they're pretty rare, like a solar eclipse or something. That is the only attractive girl EVER to even seem to pay any attention to me. I honestly don't give a shit about how tall I am as far as talking to people (especially women) go. I usually don't go after tall girls but that's besides the point: I'm just pointing out that the majority of girls like guys that are average height.

[richardwordoff]

surfhb: because I want to apologize for being a douchebag and never talk to her again?

[Andariel]

What's done is donw, don't beat up yourself about it. There is no need to apologise; you didn't do her any harm, you didn't offend her, she was just not that into you and that's that.

If I were in your shoes, I would start taking up a couple of new activities/ hobbies or even volunteer somewhere.This way you will do something more creative with your time and your confidence will grow. Also, this is a good way of meeting like-minded people, including girls.

[searock]

I'm sorry about your dog . How come you don't do activities with your friends? How about finding a hobby which involves meeting new people, I dunno a cooking class an acting class whatever? The problem seems to be that you are starting to believe that you will never have a girlfriend no matter what. I'm sorry to break it to you but the more desperate you get, the more likely it is for that to actually happen. You shouldn't make such a big deal of it. You speak of it as if it were something terrible, to be extremely ashamed about. It's not! It doesn't matter whether you've had a girlfriend or not, as long as you are a decent person regardless. You say that you have lots of female friends, yet you don't seem to understand girls a lot. Maybe you should spend more time with them just hanging around, without wishing you could get in their pants or something? You'll probably get more opportunities to meet new people, new girls, etc. if you spend more time with your friends. There are plenty of things you can do to make your life more interesting that do NOT involve getting a girl or die trying.

[richardwordoff]

She might have been if I hadn't facebook stalked her damn number and creeped her out.

I don't have time just to go around trying new things in the name of "meeting people". I've gone and done things I didn't think I'd like before to give them a chance and guess what? I was right. I ended up not liking them and not meeting anyone. I've got 5 classes and three jobs so I don't just have idle time to waste.

[richardwordoff]

I don't do anything with my friends because they're situational friends. We play sports together or see each other at the gym (not anymore) but we don't have any common interests outside of that. I don't drink or party so I'm an abnormal college student.

I don't think I'd care much for the kind of people who would enjoy a cooking or acting class.

It's pretty damn shameful. The longer it continues the worse it will become. When you're on a date with a [attractive] woman at 30 and she finds out you're a virgin or never been kissed she is going to laugh your ass out of the room. She js probably looking for a long term partner at that age, not a pathetic guy she is going to have to coach through the relationship.

Like I said, I went for about three years about my business and didn't even try to get a girl and no opportunities came.

I don't hang out with the friends I have that are girls either. Why would I want to? I have even less in common with them than guys. Also, none of them are really good friends (just like my male friends), more like acquaintances.

[searock]

I am starting to believe that counseling could help you. You seem on your way to depression: you just keep crying over yourself, you don't see a way out, you think you are failing at life, etc. I mean it, it could really help.

All we are trying to say is that it's not so important whether you have a girl in your life or not. Your happiness does not depend on that.

And if a woman is into you she won't care whether you're a virgin or not.

[surfhb]

surfhb: because I want to apologize for being a douchebag and never talk to her again?

Yep! WTF do you care what she thinks? How do youknow she's thinks you're a douche? You think youre a douche and you want to apologize? That's not being a mAn . A man doesn't apologize for his actions unless it clearly hurts someone.

Futhermore you don't ask Girl what she wants. You tell her what you want And she can decide to follow you or not. This is generalize because obviously the world does not revolve around you in a relationship . However, during the beginning of the dating period, you should definitely take this attitude because there's always another girl who will

[richardwordoff]

searock: I can't sit there in front of a therapist and bitch about my life. It's bad enough to have all these problems but it would be even worse to sit there and tell someone I'm too much of a pussy to deal with my problems by myself like a man. And then to tell them I'm pissed because I can't get women? Even more of a blow to my pride. Totally emasculating. And if all that's not bad enough I've got to pay them for that. What's a therapist going to do? Tell me I'm special just the way I am or some other BS so I quit acting like a baby? I just need to suck it up, learn how to quit creeping people out and work on improving myself. Learning the difference between a woman being friendly and interested would help too.

surfhb thanks for the advice.

[searock]

searock: I can't sit there in front of a therapist and bitch about my life. It's bad enough to have all these problems but it would be even worse to sit there and tell someone I'm too much of a pussy to deal with my problems by myself like a man. And then to tell them I'm pissed because I can't get women? Even more of a blow to my pride. Totally emasculating. And if all that's not bad enough I've got to pay them for that. What's a therapist going to do? Tell me I'm special just the way I am or some other BS so I quit acting like a baby? I just need to suck it up, learn how to quit creeping people out and work on improving myself. Learning the difference between a woman being friendly and interested would help too.

Umm that's not what therapy is. It may feel embarrassing and humiliating when you walk in, but ever since the first session the therapist should be able to prove to you that it's really nothing to do with that. They won't tell you that you're special as you are or anything like that, they are professionals not 12 years olds. It won't make you feel instantly better either. You would learn stuff about yourself you had no idea was even there. Humiliation has nothing to do with it, plenty of people get therapy - including very "virile" guys lol.

If you're sure you're going to get through without therapy, all the better. I suggest you stop crying over yourself and start making some major changes in your life (that do not revolve around "omg i need to get a girl before it's too late"), cause it's quite obvious that you are not happy the way your life currently is.

[Rollingwithlife]

As a somewhat depressed person myself, I'm going to second what searock said about seeing a therapist. I'm sort of in a similar boat myself (at least in terms of depression) and would see one right now, but I want to get a job and get my own place first as I don't feel comfortable with anyone I know finding out that I need to go through therapy. Yes it seems silly thinking about what they could possibly discuss with you to get you back on the 'right' track, but I know that people do get better through it and they always mention how they give you a more positive outlook on life/new ideas to consider - kinda like unlocking the better aspects of your personality and mind. The fact here is, unless you try it, you'll never know what could have come of it and it's very likely that continuing down your current path will only be more devastating as time progresses. If one therapist isn't really working out for you, move onto the next.

People tend to be attracted to other people who are positive and passionate about life. Hell, even my brother is living proof of this and is on the opposite end of the spectrum from where I reside - he even has plenty of girls that find him to be attractive. Just so we're clear, it's his personality that people are drawn to and I know that even I enjoy his company whenever he has some time to spend with his older brother. That said, assuming you get this taken care of, your chances of success should only increase - there's really nothing to lose, you just need to be willing to put in the effort to be the best person you can be. No one can really force you to do anything, so as soon as 'you' give up on life, all hope for 'you' is lost.

[richardwordoff]

I don't think a therapist is going to be able to help because all they can do is try to convince me my problem isn't as bad as I thought. I know because I've been before a few years ago about other things. I also know that it is embarrassing to talk to a therapist but I got the the point when I went a few years ago that I was getting pissed off that I had to go there and tell the therapist my problems. It was like having to tell them my problems was doing nothing but reminding me I had them and how infuriating they were.
Seriously, what are they going to tell me? Be confident? Go out and try new activities? Assure me that lots of people are losers and can't get or keep women? A therapist can't get me attention from women, nor can a therapist get me a girlfriend which is the reason I'm irritated in the first place. All a therapist is going to do is treat the symptoms.

If I had developed normal social skills and had some freaking common sense I might not have blown it with that girl. I still don't think anyone has been listening. This was the first time a girl showed any interest in me in like 2 or 3 years, and it is the only girl that has been truly attractive that has ever shown me interest. I'm not going to give up, but I'm [realistically] concerned that I won't meet anyone once I am out of college. If it wasn't for college I wouldn't ever see anyone.