Needing some advice.

[cadiaLG]

Hey guys,

Looking for a bit of advice – It’s a long story but I’ll try and cut it down as much as possible.

As of about a month ago my girlfriend of 5 years (dating since we were 17, now 22) and I broke up. We had a fantastic relationship, completely faithful long distance relationship while she was on exchange for 12 months of that time including me visiting her for 2 months. Shared a lot of experiences with her and were both very much in love.

About 9 months ago she broke up with me because in the last year before that I’d changed started to get a bit lazy and too comfortable, stopped playing sport, got unfit, and played way to many computer games and at the same time started a time-demanding fulltime job. We got back together 2 days later when I woke up a bit and realised what I’d let meself go to and promised her and myself that I’d get back into gear. I didn’t do very well at my promise… I stared working out a bit and playing as many games etc, but I think I just thought, ah it was just a bit of a threat to get me to do something stupidly I didn’t take it to seriously. And we still continued to have good times together but looking back I was a pretty shit boyfriend. Negligent of spending time with her and continued being lazy. The excitement went out of our sex lives and that definately effected things in the last couple of months aswell.

So a month ago after a great weekend we had together we sat down and she said that we were breaking up and I was pretty devestated. He reason was that she wasn’t in love with me like that anymore, she still had a fantastic time with me, but I’d changed and she’d probably changed and she wanted to be sure that there wansn’t anything else better out there, as we both hadn’t been single for so long. I know people will tell me not to blame myself but I know that the root of it all including her loosing those feelings for me were because I basically didn’t do anything to make amends to the mistakes she’d warned me about earlier in the year.

Im a reasonably emotional guy, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’ve never had a problem expressing myself. The last month has been pretty bloody horrible, I have not been able to think about anything but her, haven’t been able to sleep properly, get distracted at work or with my mates, no matter how busy I try and keep myself, she is always in the front of my mind.

I felt discusted with myself that I hadn’t taken any action earlier in the year. But since we’ve broken up I’ve been getting back into the gym 6 times a week, playing sport, getting fit and not screwing around wasting time with games. I want her back so badly, Im still very much in love with her, and I want to show her that I’m the guy she fell in love with 5 years ago and have matured.

We’ve talked every now and then since and hung out once or twice, completely normal awesome talks as though nothing had happened. I have no idea what to do. I hate not being with her, I know that’s my mistakes that probably cost me the most amazing girl in the world and im pretty ashamed that its taken me 2 chances to get to the root of the problem and take action.

Just looking for any advice if someone can help.

[searock]

If she isn't in love with you anymore then I think that (a) it's not your fault and (b) there's nothing much you can do to make fall back in love with you. She said she wants to explore other possibilities and this has nothing to do with your actions (or non-actions), it's her decision and she's probably going to keep going in this direction.

Unless of course, she actually still has feelings for you. What do you think?

[kamel]

appear you righi
thanks

[cadiaLG]

@ searock
Yeah i think you're right and i think that she's pretty much moved on, but she still cares a lot for me i can tell and we still get along amazingly. And i am really blaming my self a lot but i understand, our relationship was quite 1 sided when i was being a shit boyfriend so i guess it makes sense that its 1 sided now i've gotten my act together. Do you think there is any chance ever of us being together?

[searock]

Well in life you never know, but as you said she has moved on, she isn't in love with you anymore. So I don't think it likely that you'll get back together anytime soon. Not before she satisfies her curiosity and explores "the outside world" a bit at least, if she's really got her mind set on that. You are both really young, so I think you should actually follow her lead, there are plenty of opportunities out there.

[devonbrown]

I want to show her that I’m the guy she fell in love with 5 years ago and have matured.

Here is the thing. You aren't the guy she fell in love with 5 years ago. And she isn't the girl you fell in love with 5 years ago. As you said, you have matured. So has she. Your lives have started to diverge. That is not bad, it is just the way it is.

At your ages, you are just figuring out who you are. Maybe she has realized who she is doesn't mesh with who you are. It sucks, but it happens.

What you have to do is concentrate on yourself and discover who you are. For you, not for her or anyone else. Only then will you be able to be in a happy relationship.

Good luck.