I don't feel he really dedicates his time to me...

[MissShrimpy]

I recently just came into a long distance relationship with my long term boyfriend after having to move with my parents 200 miles away

We are both keen game players, we both play call of duty, and this morning we decided tonight we'd "be together" and play cod all night...
So thats all fine
He then says, I'm going out tonight.
Now to me, when he plans something with me, whether its local or long distance, he's dedicated his time to me, and I am owed that time just like I would be dedicating my time to him and owe him that time.
I then reminded him of his our, he then says oh yeah, okay.

So, I'm waiting for it to be "tonight", and then he just says, "Oh i want so and so to be done what he's doing so I can go out", after telling me he isn't going out.

I'm then a bit like, what...? And start saying how he's dedicated his time to me and its unfair to suddenly cancel, a friend also said its unfair on me whether its long distance or not, he made plans to spend the night with me.
He then tells me "i'll be able to play cod with you tonight, I just don't know what time I'll be in" Why should I have to 1) be cancelled on, then 2) have to wait up all night to do what we were originally going to do in the first place...

He eventually decides to just not go out after arguing, and this upsets me because he decided to stay in just to shut me up and "keep me happy" rather than realise he was upsetting me because he was backing out of our plans and making me feel like I wasn't worth his time...


I just feel he thinks that any activity we do together whilst we're apart isn't as important as anything he can do that involves going out and interacting with people in the real world...

What are your opinions on this?

[Wakeup]

He had a chance to go out and get some freash air and interact in the real world and you got mad at him for that? I'd be happy he was blowking the stink off himself.

[6wordsentence]

I totally agree with wakeup,

See honey, I think you should do the same thing.. Maybe he doesn't LIKE to play COD as much as you think..

I don't know about you, but I don't like to keep doing the same things everyday forever.. You know, variation?

maybe he's not like that, but I'm just saying.

Yours truly,

The 6 word sentence

[HeartIsAching]

So... you feel that you own his time.

You get controlling and argumentative about it when you try to control his time.

Then you get angry when he complies with your wishes.

Good luck in your future endeavors.

[6wordsentence]

So... you feel that you own his time.

You get controlling and argumentative about it when you try to control his time.

Then you get angry when he complies with your wishes.

Good luck in your future endeavors.

ahahaha.. sarcastic but true.. lol

[smackie9]

Get off the poor guy's back. Everyone NEEDS time away from their SO. Giving them space means it will help with your relationship and stop the fights. You need to get a life outside the relationship too. Push yourself away from the computer and head out with your GFs. Your BF isn't your whole world and nor does he revolve around you. You need to gain some independence and enjoy other aspects of life.

[leoben]

It's funny how smart people's opinions totally change when it's an unapproved of activity like video gaming rather then a fancy dinner and a movie. He made a promise to spend time with her and he tried to renege on the deal, which is wrong. Nobody is forcing him to be her boyfriend or spend time with her, it's a decision he made on his own and he should honor his commitments.

[maxmax]

I'm not much of a fan of gaming, or LDRs, but if you both made plans to do something together, then a plan is a plan.

If he is doing this regularly, then you've got a problem.

If this is the first time he's cancelled on you, then give him a break.

[boobaa]

It's funny how smart people's opinions totally change when it's an unapproved of activity like video gaming rather then a fancy dinner and a movie. He made a promise to spend time with her and he tried to renege on the deal, which is wrong. Nobody is forcing him to be her boyfriend or spend time with her, it's a decision he made on his own and he should honor his commitments.

I TOTALLY agree.

It is a weird tendency seen in whole forum from all the topics.

Everyone lives in their own preassumptions.



Anyway, the OP seems to be my kind of girl, knows the meaning of agreement.

[Wakeup]

Whatever floats your boat. I still stick to the same opinion. It's not like he "stood her up" he told her that he had made other plans to do something that didn't entail sitting on his ass and interacting through fantasy while basically ignoring one another in pursuit of the win.

Any man or woman who are not in a long distance relationship ocassionally have changes of plans and if you tend to be inflexible (when he doesn't have a habit of bailing on you) then you're going to find that your inflexibility is going to often leave you disappointed.

If him making alternate plans is not something he does as a habit then perhaps Op needs to be a little less rigid. If you've voiced your disappointment then he knows how you feel. If he does it again and he does it often then you need to reevaluate your relationship and whether or not the long distance game playing is enough for the two of you to keep it together.

*The title of her thread alone makes her sound inflexible in relation to her actual post. Does he do this to you often, OP?

[MissShrimpy]

I wouldn't say I'm grounding him, I'm just saying because of our change of relationship, going from a "normal" to a "long distance one" any plan is a plan and to me, what ever plan it is, it counts and is just as significant like going to the beach or cinema would be, and he decided to "cancel at me"

He has always been the one to tell me, when I feel like the long distance relationship will give us nothing to do together, to tell me call of duty will be a key element to be "together" as we can talk and also do something progressive together... He even told me he'd rather go out with his mates than have to sit indoors with me on the computer or play cod, which I thought was rude as he has basically made all the plans of playing cod and talking on webcam etc, and its not fair, how else will we communicate or do things together...

[Vanity]

Me and my boyfriend game together too! We are sort of in a long distance relationship, he is 3 hours away so I only get to see him every other weekend. (he has college and work)

Maybe he is just sick of playing games. Do you have webcam? Suggest you spend a night talking on webcam instead next time. That's what me and my boyfriend do when we miss each other...which is like every night. XD

Edit: noticed in post above me you have webcam. and well yeah, I don't want to spend all my time on the computer either, no matter how much I love my boyfriend, I like to get out with my friends too...

[MissShrimpy]

Me and my boyfriend game together too! We are sort of in a long distance relationship, he is 3 hours away so I only get to see him every other weekend. (he has college and work)

Maybe he is just sick of playing games. Do you have webcam? Suggest you spend a night talking on webcam instead next time. That's what me and my boyfriend do when we miss each other...which is like every night. XD

Edit: noticed in post above me you have webcam. and well yeah, I don't want to spend all my time on the computer either, no matter how much I love my boyfriend, I like to get out with my friends too...

I think its a fair enough statement to say, he loves games way more than me.
I have been gaming with COD longer than him, but I get bored of it easily and he's the person who got me into it again once we had to go long distance, it is a bit more difficult for me as well since I've moved into a new area and I don't know where anything is or who anyone is either...

[smackie9]

Have you checked out Deus ex?

[smackie9]

Now that you are separated, what are your future plans? You can't keep this LDR forever.